Monday, June 13, 2011

"The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car..."

So Special Agent Ferris Bueller totals a Ferrari F50 that belongs to an insurance company, allegedly when he was just moving it from one garage to another, an event so routine and humdrum that he'd called up his buddy, an Assistant U.S. Attorney, and asked him if he'd like to ride shotgun during the boring chore of puttering it between parking spaces.

When all of a sudden and for NO reason at all the car got all sideways in a cloud of Pirelli smoke and wrapped itself around a tree.

I don't know about you, but I've never successfully sold that story to a cop or my parents, but either Special Agent Ferris is a gifted liar or the Feebs are unbelievably credulous.

Unlike practically every father in America whose kid has ground-looped the family bus, the US Department of Justice is standing by the ludicrous story of its employee and stiffing the insurance company, telling them that they're on their own and the government isn't responsible for the three-quarters of a million dollars in damages caused by their employees.

29 comments:

perlhaqr said...

Who are these retarded dickbags, and why do we put up with letting them rule us?

2yellowdogs said...

He wanted speed? He couldn't handle the speed!

Ancient Woodsman said...

Yep. In my mid-teens I took the '49 Farmall C out for a joyride...turns out they are not amphibious after all and I got the thing buried in the swamp.

Yeah, sure, that's almost the same thing, right? Except there wasn't any insurance, I had to yank it out of the clay with a come-along by myself, and Dad made me work up 10 cords by hand for no pay just to spend some time to think about my stupidity.

Let see: stumpage on a cord is ranging $10-$12.00 around here now, so Fibbie & his buddy would have to cut up at least 62,500 cords for that $750K. I'd say that's about right, as long as they have to use the same old Homelite Super 2 14" bar P.O.S. and Plumb Boy's axe I had...and still have, if they need to borrow them.

More treatments like that and there would be far less events like this one you shared. No doubt.

staghounds said...

They don't respect us, because you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass.

Bubblehead Les. said...

But what you don't understand is that mere existence of such Dangerous Items is Harmful to Mother Gaia (and Gooberment Motors Volt Sales), and they NEED to be destroyed. This guys were just following the EPA Memo, you see. Now, about the Need to Destroy Dangerous Firearms that are Harmful to the Children....

Tam said...

Bubblehead Les,

A Ferrari F50 has a much smaller carbon footprint than an '88 244DL with shot rings, even if the latter is equipped with an aftermarket a "Love Your Mother" bumper sticker. ;)

Anonymous said...

We are the only ones professional enough to wreck sports cars.

Shootin' Buddy

Sarah said...

It's official: our overlords are dumber than we thought our parents were when we were teenagers. Man, that's some serious stupidity.

Boat Guy said...

"Justice" is the last thing anyone should expect from those jackals...
Another "Only Ones" example.

Weer'd Beard said...

Pix make me sad, The F50 is about the prettiest Ferrari those Guineas ever made!

Dicks!

BTW I wonder if they would have ever given the previous owner an option to buy it back.

I doubt many people own a car like that just for something to have.

...OK nix that, I just remember reading about such-and-such rap star getting pulled over in his Maybach. Something tells me Mr. Hoodrat Jailbird wouldn't have much to chat about with Jay Leno if they were to hoist a pint....

Tam said...

Sarah,

"our overlords are dumber than we thought our parents were when we were teenagers"

HAH!

That wins the internets today.

Bram said...

Sarah - Be thanbkful! Smart overlords are far more dangerous.

North said...

If you have the means, I highly recommend wrapping one around a tree.

Stretch said...

When I wore a badge that had "U.S." on it I owned every stupid thing I did.
But of course I was just an "officer" and not a "special agent."
Must mean short bus "special."
Any bets that 10-15 years from now Special Agent Kingston will be a deputy director or SAIC of Washington Field office?

RobertM said...

Screw something up. Lie about it. Get away with it.

Sounds like the government at work to me!

DaddyBear said...

I'm not a car guy, but some things will just make a grown man cry.

staghounds said...

If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away?

Neither would I.

Anonymous said...

No, but if I were his boss and he totaled it, I'd nail his obviously lying arse to the door of the bureau as an example to the rest of them.

DirtCrashr said...

A V'dub bus is pretty easy to ground-loop goin' around a corner with a bunch of loaded Palo Alto punks in it - but also easy to re-right. It's the big scrape and mash on the sided that's hard to hide unless the 'rents are on vacation in Greece or something. My brother came across some dudes one night and helped them flip theirs back up, I was somewhere else not having fun.

staghounds said...

One of the worst performances of his career and they never doubted it for a second.

What, nobody else has apposite Ferris quotes?

Nobody?

Naah, too easy.

Eric said...

Note to self, when joyriding in a .75 million dollar car, make sure to bring an Assistant U.S. Attorney.

Jeff the Baptist said...

Unfortunately, ponying up money for damages isn't something you need to be an FBI agent or US attorney to do. My coworker's parked car was sideswiped in our parking lot by a government utility truck. After two weeks of police reports, paperwork, inspections, etc. she finally gave on getting the government to do anything in a timely manner. Her insurance company is going to have to sue the feds for damages.

Anonymous said...

Since the employer of this little fibber is us, and insurance companies are about fourth on my (s)hit list after gov, le, and lawyers, fuck 'em...let 'em sue themselves for the settlement.

This could actually be a win-win-win for taxpayers if we 1) don't get stuck with the tab, 2) the ins co. finds out what it's like to deal with an ins co., and 3) this twit loses his triple-digit valet parking gig. Ain't gonna play out like that, but one can dream.

Too bad an amazing work of automotive art had to be sacrificed in the process.

AT

deadcenter said...

Confirmation that the I in FBI doesn't stand for integrity. Friends help you move, good friends help you destroy a Ferrari and cover it up.

Tam said...

"Since the employer of this little fibber is us, and insurance companies are about fourth on my (s)hit list after gov, le, and lawyers"

Don't forget to put banks on your list.

Everybody bitches and whines about cops, lawyers, banks, and insurance.

(At least until their business gets broken into, their house burns down, and their neighbor can't find the boundary line with both hands and a chain saw. When this happens, they don't dig up their money in mason jars and hire MacGyver: They dial 911 and their insurance adjuster and then hit the yellow pages to find a lawyer to write a check to.)

Anonymous said...

Nope, those scenarios are the basis for the bitchin'.

Podunk SWAT busts down your door and shoots your dog while looking for your neighbor, the f'n insurance company won't pay because there's this (false) claim of illegal activity (see SWAT entry above), lawyers for both parties confer to see just how long they can stretch out the claim to collect max dollars to correct the boundary issue that they should have found when they did the abstract search, the bank calls in your credit line because you've maxed it out to pay the lawyers, and of course it's good old gov that makes all the fun possible.

These systems, all of them, are near-irretrievably broken and are resulting in near-universal frustration and outrage at how fucked up it all really is, until one of the most vociferous and prodigious complainers senses a cheap whiff of snark. That's whiff, as in a swing 'n a miss...

Battah, battah, battah, SCHWIIING, battah...

AT

Ken said...

"Never had one lesson!"

Also, giving equal time to another great quote mine, "It's good to be the King."

Or at least one of the King's Favored.

Joshkie said...

At - Tam

This what we get when we for get personal responsibility.

cops- because we can't be bothered to defend ourselves.
lawyers- we can't be adult enough to handle ourown disputes.
banks- Who's going to loan us money, so we can buy stuff with money we haven't erned yet.
insurance- one of the bigest legal Ponzi Schemes out there, not counting the ones our government run.

:-(
Josh

Newbius said...

What time is it on Claire Wolfe's clock?