Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Attention, kid in the black Ford Focus:

To the ass-weasel on I-64 westbound between Shelbyville and Louisville on or about May 31st, 1400hrs in the black Ford Focus ZTS with the University of Kentucky plates (I wrote down the number, but you know who you are...): After watching you drive for a quarter-mile in the left lane with an ambulance running code in your rear-view mirror, I sincerely hope that someday you are lying on the pavement, all busted up and bleeding out and screaming for your mother while the ambulance coming to rescue you is stuck behind a mile-long parade of inattentive asshats in black Ford Focii.

28 comments:

Shermlock Shomes said...

stands slack-jawed in awe at the sublime snark.

Keads said...

Indeed!

Anonymous said...

In the immortal words of Ron White, "You just can't fix stupidity."

cap'n chumbucket

Anonymous said...

Can we train ambulance drivers in PIT maneuvers?

Jake (formerly Riposte3) said...

Tam, you are hereby invited to ride shotgun in my ambulance anytime you like. I'll hand you the PA mike and let you run the siren.

Robin said...

My father was medically retired out of a municipal fire department, so you can imagine how I react to such stupidity.

There is something about the Ford Focus however that lowers the IQ of all its inhabitants.

North said...

"ass-weasel"

Everything that bothers me - no matter how minor - is going to get called ass-weasel for the next week or so. Thanks, Tam, that insult rocks.

Anonymous said...

I had a friend like that. He told me that he was pulled over for speeding and the HP cop said he'd been behind ex-friend for 4 miles.

Anonymous said...

Saw ambulances in New York City stuck in traffic where the pedestrians wouldn't let them through. One day - outside Grand Central Station at 42nd St - one of the attendants got on the speaker and said she hoped one day they each would need help and no one would be able to get to them. And no one so much as glanced over at her. Sucks! OldeForce

Joshkie said...

Tam -

Who are you to scold that individual. Don't you realize that he's special and that common sense and decency need not apply to them.
Well that's what their mommies and daddies keep telling them, so it must be true.

:-(
Josh

Lanius said...

My father wishes he had a grenade machinegun for these kinds of people..

I tried to argue it down to a flamethrower, but he feels only a GMG would be enough justice against road idiots..

Robert said...

Lanius: I feel a 20MM cannon with exploding rounds would be a better choice.

Lanius said...

@Robert

Cars are thin shelled.. 20mm might overpenetrate.

Hmm. Maybe a 30mm MK108 cannon. Does anyone make these anymore?

maddmedic said...

As the driver of ambulances stuck behind such "ass-weasels' t many times in my career, is a good thing the PA was never on!

Especially after running through every siren sound we had!!

Then you arrive and someone would invariably ask....
"What took you?"

Anonymous said...

Push bumpers and bump drafting.

My sister would have got UK fan boy up to speed in a heart beat.

Gerry

Stuart the Viking said...

When I see a rescue vehicle in the rear view, if there is no where else to go, I just drive into the ditch so that I am absolutely sure to be out of the way. I have a 4x4 jeep so I can get away with that. The problem comes when those sheep-like Americans that we all love to laugh at follow me because "That guy is doing it, maybe we are supposed to". More than once I've pulled a little econo car out of the ditch after the ambulence or fire truck are gone.

Randy said...

I don't want the job, but if I ever became King of the world my first order would be to have the Interstates patrolled by big helicopters with large electromagnets. When they encounter those mobile parking lots they would issue an immediate automotive time out to the lead car in the left lane. Just a few minutes on side streets will give them time to contemplate their inconsideration to everybody. If discovered in front of an ambulance their landing would not be a soft one.

Nathan said...

+1.

wv: haters. No, we're not.

Comrade Misfit said...

Lanius: An RPG is what is needed.

Randy: +1. Maybe you could get them to buy enough to re-start production of the Sikorsky Sky-Crane.

Joanna said...

There is something about the Ford Focus however that lowers the IQ of all its inhabitants.

Hey now -- not all of us are idiots. And it's a good little car.

Did the kid have earbuds in? I've seen people driving down the interstate with their iPods plugged right into their heads. (Or worse: riding bicycles in rush-hour traffic with the same arrangement.)

Anonymous said...

"Tam, you are hereby invited to ride shotgun in my ambulance anytime you like. I'll hand you the PA mike and let you run the siren."

Nah, just give her the right to use that KRISS or a shotgun.

There's nothing like the windshield exploding to get a driver's attention, all that fresh air raises IQ you know.

Robin said...

Joanna,
I'm sure you have the advantage of a large head start.

Mick Havoc said...

This was always my favorite tag to write-failure to yield to emergency vehicle. I usually nicked them for inattentive driving too.
Ass-weasel-you kill me.

Bubblehead Les. said...

Hmmm. Put Snow Plows on the front of EVERY Ambulance, Fire Truck and Police Car. They can be used in Winter to get to the Side Streets that are blocked with the White Stuff, then they can be used in the Off Season to give out Darwin Awards to Over Educated Idiots in Focii. Those who live in Snow-Free States can still use them because they need to get through the Hurricane/EarthQuake/Mudslide/Wildfire Debris. Yes, I know they play Havoc with the Front Suspension, but with the quality of Rally Car Parts out there...

Mike W. said...

It's a Ford Focus. It can't get out of its own way, how the hell is it supposed to get out of the way of an ambulance?

Ambulance Driver said...

This is why I say that ambulance lights and sirens should be replaced with twin Ma Deuces and a snowplow bumper.

I make Jay G.'s road rage look mild in comparison, at least 3 times a shift.

Anonymous said...

Ronco had a microphone which would put one's voice on the radio. I have no idea how this worked, but if it could be used on the vehicle directly ahead of the ambulance, a message such as "Hey, you in the ___, license # ____________, get uot of my way or YOU WILL NEED THE AMBULANCE!!!"
All this followed by tocsins going off, through the imbecile's own speakers!

Ulises from CA

P.S. If you have video of the perp, please forward it to your state's DMV.

Quizikle said...

Much as I'd have rather had the yahoo move over, it's a lot better than having them look up into the mirror (finally) and immediately hitting the brakes when they see the lights.

Just MOVE IT. And if you can't move over, move faster.