Wednesday, May 02, 2012

New business venture!

Attention New Hampshwegians, or whatever y'all's proper demonym is: Announcing Professor Tamara's Weather Control Service!

If ever you are suffering from a withering drouth or a blistering heat wave, just call 1-800-BRR-YUCK and arrange for Prof Tam (Doctorate Of Climate Control Voodoo from Draw Tippy Turtle U.) to fly to your fair state on trash day at Castle Frostbite, where it is a dead cert that she will be schlepping the trash can down the steep driveway to the muddy roadside in piss-pouring icy rain that needs only a couple guys in coal-scuttle helmets trying to push a tank out of the ditch to look like a scene from the Russian Front.

Guaranteed success rate! Never failed yet!*


*Well, we're two-for-two, at least.

22 comments:

og said...

I love rain. I enjoy hearing it outside, driving in it, and watching it come down in almost any circumstance.

Hence the fact that the last couple years have involved hard dry, and Indianapolis has been practically consistently underwater. Now I have someone to blame.

libertyman said...

Wow -- you have trash pick up there?

Fred said...

We got a nice storm at around 3am. Generator made a nice "kathump!" before admitting the power didn't quite fail at the office.

Tam said...

libertyman,

Freaked me out. A garbage truck is an odd sight when the nearest pavement's over a mile away.

The Old Man said...

Welcome to above-the-Mason-Dixon-land. Don't like the weather? Wait 15 minutes....

Tam said...

The Old Man,

"Don't like the weather? Wait 15 minutes...."

It tickles me that y'all say that up here, too. ;)

Anonymous said...

Heh, heh. weather. motto here is "welcome to Md. If ya don't like da wedder, wait a min., it'll change." (we used to be the Free State, but hey, liberals...). JohninMd(help)

Blackwing1 said...

He hasn't drained the gas from the snowblower yet, has he?

Do that; you could then guarantee a blizzard.

Jay G said...

Ayuh. That'll happen.

bluesun said...

Do you want to come out west? The Colorado River is currently running under 10% of where it was this time last year...

alanstorm said...

Maybe you could team up with AL Gore (famous for the "Gore Effect") to offer a total weather-modification service.

skidmark said...

Are you seriously going to undercut The Boy's college fund? Nor=w that he's a full Boy Scout he can create not only cloudbursts but full-on frog-busting gullywashers. Back in the day (when dirt was first being spread over the land) we had farmers call us up offering to pay the gas (17 cents a gallon!) and groceries to come camping.

stay safe.

Anonymous said...

"nly a couple guys in coal-scuttle helmets trying to push a tank out of the ditch to look like a scene from the Russian Front."

Ever wonder why we never/rarely see the Russian side of that misery? I mean I know T34's had wide tracks, and russians were "better equipped for the cold" but seriously NO ONE is equipped for that kind of mud. I think Stalin ordered that misery expunged from the photo record...or just got stupid photographers who shot that...shot.

Anonymous said...

"nly a couple guys in coal-scuttle helmets trying to push a tank out of the ditch to look like a scene from the Russian Front."

Ever wonder why we never/rarely see the Russian side of that misery? I mean I know T34's had wide tracks, and russians were "better equipped for the cold" but seriously NO ONE is equipped for that kind of mud. I think Stalin ordered that misery expunged from the photo record...or just got stupid photographers who shot that...shot.

Kang said...

You are infringing on my copyright. "Kang's Weather Service promises rain before the end of the daily work commute on the day that I wash my car in your municipality, county or township. Guaranteed. Unfortunately."

Owen said...

As a New England Flatlander by birth, the proper epithet for an individual from new Hampshire is "Hampster"

Maine = Maniac

Vermont = Hippie

RI = I dunno. Does anyone really care?

MA = Masshole

CT = God's gift to the entire world.

Ancient Woodsman said...

This spring's weather pattern - including the very dry winter preceding it, and lack of a "mud' season - is remarkably similar to that of 1941.

The biggest fire in the state's history (started in Marlow) was in 1941, and ended in the late April snowstorm timed almost the same as this weeks' rain. Was it your grandparents visiting in 1941 that did the trick?

Of course, we also had the winter without end in 1816...snow every month of the year. Perhaps your ancestors settled down for a year here before moving?

In my line of work, as busy as it has been since February I absolutely cherish this wet stuff.

Will said...

Kubelwagen, Tam, not tank. :)

GreyLocke said...

Uhhh, I called your number.... And since when are you schilling for Freedom Financial Group?

DirtCrashr said...

In Hawaii the rain is like 75-degrees and gentle, except when it's like 22-GPM and the lava is loosening up-country...

Steve said...

I agree with Libertyman, real New Humanitarians go to the dump. You're living pretty large out there! Welcome to what we call mud season.

tweell said...

That's rather tempting. Lord knows Arizona could use the rain, and my wallet is already cringing from the expected cost of cooling my place this summer. You're a lot cheaper than Gore, too!