Thursday, January 09, 2014

Derp Sells, A Continuing Series

I have never jumped out of a helicopter with a knife in my teeth, won any shootin' trophies, or designed a unique firearms operating system, but I've spent many years slinging guns across the glass, enough that I'm something of a Subject Matter Expert on the buying habits of Cletus. Speaking from that middlin'-lofty height, I feel comfortable in saying that it's a good thing this looks like it's going to cost more than $50, or the ranges of America would be covered up in bandaged Cletii...



The overlap of "people likely to want this" and "people able to afford it" is hopefully very tiny. If you can't spot several big problems with the very concept, I want you to go stand in a corner and feel bad about yourself while the rest of us talk about you behind your back. At least those ludicrous pistol bayonets will let you clear a malfunction without giving you stigmata.

What I want to know is how that guy busted all those ridiculous "gun kata" poses while keeping a straight face?

EDITED TO ADD: Well, first he disabled comments, then he turned off embedding, and now he's pulled the video from YouTube entirely. I hate it for him; it's gotta sting to hold your brainchild up for everyone to see, only to have people point and laugh. Obviously some time and effort went into the design and manufacturing, but time and effort alone don't make an idea good.
.

92 comments:

Carteach said...

BWAAHAHAHAHA!

Anonymous said...

That's fake, right?

Right?!?

Chris

Fred said...

But... it's Manly!

Julie said...

That must be one of the stupidest things i have ever seen ...

Jay G said...

Please, for the love of all that is good and wholesome, please tell me that's a joke product, right?

Right?

RIGHT???

og said...

well, at least its manly.

Cybrludite said...

Well, that's one way to teach folks not to teacup a gun...

Woodman said...

Ok, so lets say I accidentally brought a gun to a knife fight... So what? That means I win paper rock scissors gun knife right?

I don't get the purpose. And if for some reason I do need a knife, then I pull my knife, something I'm much more likely to have on me than a tactical vest. A lot of the hoorah shit I get, and some of it sounds cool even if its stupid, but this is beyond me.

Alien said...

I have wondered from time to time if The Onion has a secret division dedicated to making this sort of stuff and putting out videos of them (although it might be more in line with Scott Ott's sense of humor).

The bigger issue, though, might be finding people to star in the videos. They have to be refugees from late-night infomercials. (BTW, anyone seen Ron Popeil lately? Nah, couldn't be, except he did have this knife thing going a while back....)

Sean D Sorrentino said...

Tam: If you have any ideas for more Tactical Derp products, please let me know. You write the ad copy, I'll get some friends and make the stupid videos. We could be the equipment version of Dynamic Pie Concepts.

The Duck said...

They just can't settle for using a pistol as pistol? Lot of goofy stuff out there, surprised they didn't convert a Ka-bar to a magazine and shove that up the back side of the pistol

Montana said...

I can hardly wait to watch the tap, scream like a little girl, bleed all over the floor drills.

Angus McThag said...

Ranged Weapon: You're doing it wrong.

Ferret said...

Did April Fool's Day come early this year? I'm seeing this right after reading about the guy in Oklahoma who killed his stepfather with an atomic wedgie.

Ancient Woodsman said...

They can't be serious.

They left out the phrase "Julienne fries" and "order before midnight tonight." If they were serious, operators would be standing by!

Themadlemming said...

Wow. Just wow.

Tam said...

Ancient Woodsman,

" If they were serious, operators would be standing by!"

Oh, gawd, "Operators Are Standing By!" should have been the post title!

Epic!

Ken O said...

Tam, a warning please!
Do you have any idea how much chile and hot sauce from the breakfast taco burn when snarfed through your nose like a beverage?

I work with a guy who meets all of the usual Cletii requirements including "Taurus Judge, because pistol shotgun!"

I am forwarding this video to him as an experiment, to see how long until it appears with his newly acquired Beretta.

gunfreezone said...

This is what happens when "Hold my beer & watch this" manages to get a budget and a business plan.
And I am with Montana: Tap/Rack is gonna be interesting to see.

Jennifer said...

Dang! Ancient Woodsman win the comment section today.

MSgt B said...

The really scary part was the picatinny rail-mounted seatbelt cutter listed as "coming soon" at the end.

Holy shit.

Paul, Dammit! said...

I was too busy enjoying the soundtrack. A shipmate who couldn't see the screen asked if I was watching a UFC fight or a Steven Seagal montage scene.

Ken O said...

Update: Upon viewing the video, Cletus texted me back "Man, That's Badass!" Having planted the seed of FAIL, I now await the inevitable. Perhaps it will render procreation impossible.

ASM826 said...

It's not the blade on the bottom of the magazine, it's the wide open trigger assembly when it's "holstered". Either you shoot yourself in the left arm, or you shoot the next operator to your left.

Craig M said...

The only possible use would be to open up the plastic shell that encases his rail mount light or aftermarket magazine. Sometimes those can be a bitch to open if you are at the range.

Anonymous said...

I'm safe, they don't make one for my girly Glock 19.

Gerry

Fiftycal said...

If they FAIL at marketing to the ninja crowd, they can market it for "do it yourself appendectomies". Or if they move the holster a bit you could DIY vasectomies. I would make it a package deal with the blood clotting stuff.

Library-Gryffon said...

Several thoughts.

1) Can anyone really take a company called "Manly anything" seriously?

2) As mentioned above, wouldn't just drawing one's knife be faster?

3) Wouldn't shooting that poor defenseless door frame be more effective than stabbing it? Especially since he misses the third time?

I suppose you could argue this makes one's gun a little more useful if one has run out of ammunition, but given the awkward shape of the "handle" of the new "knife", I'd imagine not by very much at all.

Scott J said...

Oh. My. God. *double facepalm*

Stuff like that makes me hate being known as a gun guy. Someone comes to me for advice about it and I conceal my true feelings trying to be diplomatic. (I take the same approach with the Judge and S&W's Governor).

I noticed Glenn Beck's The Blaze has embraced the deep you posted the other day
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/01/08/the-high-tech-bullet-that-does-something-pretty-cool-to-help-hit-its-target/

Boat Guy said...

" What I want to know is how that guy busted all those ridiculous "gun kata" poses while keeping a straight face?"

Because this is obviously a SERIOUS matter and he's gotta be a true believer (either that or I don't wanna see him across a poker table). I mean what WOULD happen if you suddenly "need" a knife in the middle of a gunfight? I have a reasonably functioning imagaination but I can't come up with a "reason"; perhpas I'm not as "tactical" or "innovative" as I could be.
Wouldn't a "New York reload" be simpler?
BTW if you have a lanyard on your pistol, you CAN let it go...jus' sayin...

Scott J said...

"1) Can anyone really take a company called "Manly anything" seriously?"

Actually manlyperformance.com is a long respected company in the performance engine components world. Their valves in particular.

Funniest part of the linked video was when the "operator" missed the 2x4 with one of his stabbing strokes.

Scott J said...

Or embraced the derp even. Stupid autocorrect.

Dwight Brown said...

"I have never jumped out of a helicopter with a knife in my teeth, won any shootin' trophies, or designed a unique firearms operating system..."

You're young, Tam. There's still time.

Anonymous said...

I like how he uses his "Blue Steel" look for great effect.

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Derp is the word.

Until we come up with a better one.

Freely admitted: I'm the least tactical person in the world, but even I see the fail involved here.

Firehand said...

Part of me was going "Oh, this CAN'T be for real!", and the rest was thinking "How many idiots will buy this..."

Damn.

staghounds said...



When them there seconds means lives!!

Sport Pilot said...

Hmmm. Perfect device for qualifying oneself as a Darwinian candidate of the month I’d say. I can see it now…”911: What is your emergency? ... You stabbed yourself with a handgun doing what???”

Matt G said...

Turn your malfunction drill from Slap-Rack-Bang into Slap-Ack-Dang!

Patrick said...

It cannot be a joke. Too much money was spent making that thing for it to be a one-off YouTube troll. It's wrong on so many levels that it actually feels like a troll, though.


Am I the only one hoping they make an IWB/appendix carry version of this thing? At least then we get the chance that one misplaced reholster shorts the gene pool of future gun ninjas.

Brick said...

This is really dumb.

Clearly, it is built backwards.

You want a knife with a gun built into it - not a gun with a knife built into it.

Mike_C said...

It's multitasking and/or agility trainer. Drop the magazine and play mumblety-peg at the same time.

The "Manly Innovations" name is the icing, but to be fair apparently the principal is actually named Joe Manly. Incidentally, if anyone goes to Chelsea, Michigan to check this out (!) I can without reservation recommend lunch or dinner at the Common Grill on Main Street in Chelsea. (I initially thought the name was some meant to evoke some sort of "food for the masses" theme, but it's simpler -- and less political -- than that: the chef and proprietor is named Craig Common. No, I do not know if everyone in Chelsea has a surname that is also a regular English word.)

> Especially since he misses [the door frame] the third time?
Hah! The apparent aversion to retakes or editing never ceases to amaze.

But, "[the products are made] with pride by men and women who bleed American blood right here in the USA." Perhaps after tap/rack as has been pointed out above.

Rick C said...

It's not fair that wheelguns don't get to share in the derp. I suggest someone come up with something involving epicycles.

BGMiller said...

Pffffttttt.....

It's just the letter opener to go with the laser pointer in the new Homeland Security Tactical Desk Set.

BGM

Windy Wilson said...

I think I saw something like this in an old Three Musketeers movie once, except it involved a knife sticking out of the hilt of a sword.
And call me unimaginative, but I never even dreamed of this sort of product, nor holstering one's pistol in that manner.

GunDiva said...

I'm sorry. I just can't stop giggling. Oh Lord, I needed a laugh today and you certainly delivered.

OldTexan said...

An eye patch, a peg leg and a parrot, I think this idea was used a couple of hundred years ago. Most to open oysters.

Momma Fargo said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

rickn8or said...

Dang! They don't make one for my P-32.

Geodkyt said...

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

http://cdn.superbwallpapers.com/wallpapers/meme/i-dont-want-to-live-on-this-planet-anymore-11372-400x250.jpg

Anonymous said...

So, belt seat cutter...

Am I the only one envisioning the muzzle of a loaded pistol pointed at the noggin of some fool trying to use a magazine base seat belt cutter?

I can hear it now...

"He would have survived the car crash into the lake 'cept he one through his frontal lobes while slicing the seat belt..."

Or maybe a LEO waving his pistol around the compartment of my vehicle while he's trying to cut me loose?

This is so full of fail on so many levels.

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in the patent lawyer's office when this dude walked in...

fast richard said...

I don't think Crocodile Dundee would even agree to call that a knife. I'm pretty sure I'd rather have one more spare magazine.

Jim Bravo said...

They can't be serious...

global village idiot said...

Thank you for calling Onion Tactical - if you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time...

Alien beat me to it (drat). But it makes sense. The Onion has, like all satire, been rendered obsolete; it only makes sense that they branch out into a new line of work that's also consistent with their previous successful ventures.

gvi

tailwind said...

Gee, maybe there IS a good reason why bayonets are mounted on the business end of the gun.

They could increase their market share (temporarily) with a seppuku subvariant.

RevolverRob said...

I saw this about a week ago, the inventor posted on one of the more obscure gun fora I frequent and asked for market feedback. He got it...in spades. And the bulk of it was, "This is a really stupid idea."

FWIW, the inventor's last name appears to actually be Manly so the name isn't just machismo. Also, it appears the inventor has decided to forego his planned seatbelt cutter he had also proposed a window smasher which he was also convinced to dispose of as an idea.

All that said...it certainly does appear to be real and the creator certainly seems to be serious about bringing it to market.

-Rob

LabRat said...

I desperately want this to be a joke, but searching around it appears to not be.

I think it would take me under half an hour of use to forget myself enough to absently impale my own hand on that thing. A lot of my pistols often need an extra slap to properly seat the magazine, and at this point it is habit...

Joe in Reno said...

" What I want to know is how that guy busted all those ridiculous "gun kata" poses while keeping a straight face?"

Gotta be the Botox!

Alan Colon said...

Can't wait to get a bag of popcorn and watch malfuction drills.

What happens when you stab the doorframe then get a doublefeed from bending the magazine?

Randy said...

That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. And I grew up in deep east Texas.

Theother Ryan said...

I don't have words for this.

Steve said...

In the time it took him to mount the knife and flip the gun so he's awkwardly stabbing with the base of the magazine he could have dropped the gun and pulled a real knife.

Plus, the method of attachment appears to be extremely weak. Bump that blade on the side, or stab something at any angle other than 90 degrees, and it's coming off the baseplate and hitting the floor.

Kristophr said...

This makes malf drills exciting!

"Tap and Rack!"

Tap - "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!" ... bleed.

Critter said...

well. that's 1:41 i'll never get back.

Steve Skubinna said...

Whoa. Do they make one for STANAG magazines? Because sometimes the guy you want to bayonet isn't standing right in front of your rifle.

Come to think of it, one that fits into the cleaning gear compartment on the butt of my AR would be neat too.

Jon said...

...I had a hard time believing in the fail of this product, until I finally got home to watch the video.

I will note that the embed is now disallowed and you have to go to Youtube to watch.

Also... his comments on Youtube are disabled as well..

I am thinking he isn't liking the feedback... If this guy is at shotshow like his video indicates - someone needs to go snark him hard in person, and video tape it.

Anonymous said...

It's a safety system of sorts. If you're at the range and you see someone with this product, stay well clear of him and note the location of the first aid kit.

Al_in_Ottawa

Larry said...

Since you guys already hogged all the good puns I will just say:
WTF over

Beaumont said...

it's quite amazing, the manly way in which he limp-wrists that pistol.

DaddyBear said...

Please, oh please Baby Jesus, let these guys have a booth at the NRAAM.

Anonymous said...

Let's just try to remember this one when we read "Man stabs himself in the leg with his pistol" in the news. Everyone but us will swear it's a misprint.

Kristophr said...

Needs a crotch holster to go with it.

Mike said...

LOL, they just took their video down. Wonder if they'll be Manly enough to still show up at SHOT.

Fodder4Thought said...

Damnit, I missed it.

Anyone have a mirror?

Dan Atwater said...

Video is down. Can somebody tell me what this product is? I don't want to miss out on all the fun here.

GunDiva said...

Go to YouTube, they've just disabled the embedding. My husband's watching it now. And I'm laughing my ass off.

Fodder4Thought said...

No dice - attempts to view on YouTube yield the same "user has removed this video" message.

Or I don't know how to use facetube.

Could be either.

Kristophr said...

For those who missed the video window of opportunity:

The product was basically a short bayonet attached to the bottom of a pistol magazine, and pointing straight down.

The inventor demonstrated using it as a weapon by hitting a target with the butt of his pistol after shooting his pistol dry.

And now I'm sorry I didn't get a screenshot of it.

og said...

The video is back up. I was sure it said something about the Shot show at the end, but it's not on there now, neither are they listed on the Shot show floorplan anywhere.

"time and effort alone don't make an idea good." Witness the Chevette, the Pinto, and the K car. To say nothing of "No chold left behind" and Obamacare.

og said...

it's here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lLAkWtvWB0

Larry said...

I missed it!


*sobs uncontrollably*

Trevor Montroy said...

Respect the marketplace despite what it gives us.

inbredredneck said...

To rickn8tor @1:31 "

Dang! They don't make one for my P-32." Just remember that P38 that hung on the chain with your dog tags, take a little JB Weld or super glue and ... hold on... be right back... one hand is glued to can opener, chain and air soft ... now glued to keyboard ... just scratched nose ...I gotta pee..
aaaarrrrrgggghhhh

Rick C said...

For those who missed it, it lets you attach a blade to the bottom of your magazine, so you can rotate your wrists 90 degrees and stab someone with it.

From the video, he had planned on making it a semiuniversal attachment system so you could add other things than a blade.

He also showed snapping it on via a waist or maybe rib-carried holster, and then releasing it back into the holster, which you can just about guarantee someone would stab himself doing eventually.

global village idiot said...

Until someone finds it and re-posts it, this should tide y'all over...

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/289708188499154306/

Looks like something from the BudK catalog.

gvi

BillB said...

The owner is on linkedin...I may try to connect.

I would instantly become cooler

Mike_C said...

The video is unavailable if you try to go to it directly on youtube, but for some reason a link from within the comments on AR15.com works (as of 13:25 Eastern time):
http://www.ar15.com/mobile/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=1578714&page=5.

Somewhere else there was a comment noting that MBX will [was going to?] be at SHOT booth 32411.

> I hate it for him; it's gotta sting to hold your brainchild up for everyone to see, only to have people point and laugh.

Yeah, I feel bad for him too. Looks like he spent a nontrivial amount of money (or some unthinking investors' money) on the MBX, and it's gotta be painful and embarassing. But how did it even get so far? Didn't he seek any feedback before actually having the thing made? If he did get feedback, were the people he talked to silly, or was it like the bit in A Clockwork Orange: "... only a very dim veck would have built his domy upon sand, and a right lot of real sneering droogs and nasty neighbours a veck like that would have, them not telling him how dim he was doing that sort of building."

[Protagonist Alex in his Nadsat slang on the parable of the wise and foolish builders: veck=person, droog=friend, domy=domicile, house. But y'all probably figured that out from context.]

@gvi: what the hell is that?
Perhaps the modern version of that 3-blade sword from the dreadful movie (clip will make you dumber for having watched it) The Sword and the Sorcerer?

Goober said...

One should be cautious when executing a mag drop reload with said equipment.

Also, did anyone else repeatedly scream "GET YOUR FINGER OFF THE GODDAMNED TRIGGER!" while watching that?

Finally, love the holstering position. Can't imagine how securing a pistol in your holster by the mag could possibly go wrong. Or, you know, having it holstered with an exposed trigger while pointing at everyone you look at.

Old NFO said...

O.M.G... Derp doesn't even BEGIN to cover it! And yes I actually chased the links till I found one that worked...

Anonymous said...

It's back!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lLAkWtvWB0

Guys like this make all gun owners look bad. Please, just stop.

og said...

The people who were going to host him in their booth chose not to, apparently, and removed or obscured signage.

Cymond said...

It's not gone, it just moved.

http://manlyinnovations.com/home.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtrHDR5-hlE