Thursday, January 02, 2014

Satire gets harder by the day...

Someone needs to call and get emergency services to run a welfare check at the offices of The Onion, because they may have left the gas on before taking office naps today.

How are you supposed to write satire in a world where this is a real issue?
Also, the Colorado State Marijuana Inspectors- are they subject to Colorado's pre employmentdrug screening?

And if they test negative after they are hired, is that grounds for termination?


Because how could they be inspecting if they aren't around it?
One wonders, is there a badge that comes with the job? I want to see a photochop of Jack Webb flashing "Marijuana Inspection Officer #714", y'all, because this is comedy gold.

One of the chores the inspectors will be tasked with is making sure the "legal registered pot" and "illegal black market pot" streams don't cross, which... you know, do they realize it's called "weed" for a reason? How many new marijuana-related offenses did legalization create, anyway?

I swear, there anything government sets out to fix that it doesn't just wind up breaking worse?

34 comments:

Robin said...

Colorado came up with this brilliant scheme that involves an RFID tag that the state sells to the growers for each plant.

JohninMd.(too late?!??) said...

Some of the this shit just couldn't get made up.....we truly live in ...INTERESTING times....

Scott J said...

"I swear, there anything government sets out to fix that it doesn't just wind up breaking worse?"

Nope. I used to say they could do military, roads, weather service and post office decently (if not well) and all of those have now been corrupted by social engineering of one form or other.

Ancient Woodsman said...

The government can't even sell weed properly without screwing it up? Wow.

And these guys are going to be our answer to health care, too?

Anonymous said...

#714? Shouldn't that badge number be #420?

Ancient Woodsman said...

And it just blows my mind that a Colorado resident can now buy an ounce of weed just fine, but best dare not buy a metal or plastic box (with a spring in it) that holds more than a certain number of inanimate objects. Those two issues juxtaposed are a better illustration of just how messed up it all is.

Farmgirl said...

My biggest concern with the now-legal pot in my state? Ever having to drive out of state again with Colorado plates. Because you *know* that cops are just drooling over this in the bordering states. Some because of the funny and no real ill intent, mind.

Anyway, if you don't have Colorado ID there's a limit on how much pot the retailers can sell you.... IIRC it's roughly enough for a Dorito-fueled introspection in a hotel room, from which you'd awake the next day with a football team's worth of gym socks in your mouth trying to remember why your eyelids are orange.

Somehow I don't think it's gonna be blood in the streets.

Library-Gryffon said...

Government can't even run a cathouse at a profit. Why should we be the least bit surprised that they can't sell weed?

Anonymous said...

I'm just always in amazement that functioning adults who are apparently potentially able to operate heavy machines, drive cars, serve on juries, reproduce, and generally pretend to be citizens can take a look at the litany of "stuff government does now" see the problems that have resulted from that, and conclude "by golly, we need MORE government."

I could excuse it in a child who having identified a problem wants to fix it, but adults might want to consider in the light of the preponderance of the evidence that sometimes "less is best."

Anonymous said...

This is going to be hilarious whether the government fixes the legal pot trade or messes it up. If it involves potheads, it's going to be amusing either way.

Mike James

armedlaughing said...

"You want the weed?"
"Just the chaff, man."

gfa

Chas Clifton said...

You might enjoy this piece from the Pueblo (Colo.) Chieftain, "Street Dealer Says Business Will be Fine".

KM said...

"legal registered pot" and "illegal black market pot" streams don't cross

Good luck with that.

Matt said...

New campaign promises in Co will be free weed, or a weed subsidy. I could see,the Agriculture dept encouraging or discouraging production of marijuana to keep the price ans supply propped up.

Mattexian said...

My old commentary was similar, that the FedGov was only tasked with three main things: protect us from invasion, build and maintain the highways, and try to get the mail from one place to another in a reasonable amount of time. The punchline was that they could only be expected to do two out of three to any satisfaction on any given day, but now even that joke has fallen flat.

Tam's original point about satire becoming nearly impossible, is a big part of why I don't visit the People's Cube anymore, since inventing humorous satire is difficult when there's too many people in positions of power who actually *believe* in this insanity!

Mattexian said...

They can dust off the WW2 newsreels of "Hemp for Victory!" made by the USDA.

Anonymous said...

What's going to be interesting is how Colorado and the Feds are going to bump on this. I want to be a fly on the wall at the meeting between Colorado's ganja enforcement and the FBI!

Antibubba

Chas Clifton said...

@Antibubba, perhaps the real problem, as always, is money.

Medical marijuana dispensaries have trouble setting up bank accounts because federally chartered banks are forbidden from knowingly handling money from illegal transactions, such as selling marijuana.

Now we have a new layer of state-legal sellers.

One idea being floated in the legislature is to start a state-chartered bank just for these businesses.

As someone who was for a short while a freelancer for American Banker magazine, I kind of wish I were covering the story now. . . kind of.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous at 12:26 -- 714 was also the manufacture's mark on the old Quaalude tablets made by Rorer back in the 70's.

Sigivald said...

Because how could they be inspecting if they aren't around it?

You don't have to ingest marijuana (enough to blow a drug test, at least) to inspect it.

Looking and smelling it will confirm that it is, indeed, marijuana, and weighing it will confirm how much there is.

Since the State doesn't care how high it gets the user - letting the market handle that - its mandatory inspection presumably doesn't include toking up.

Goober said...

Good lord...

If you're going to make it legal, just make it legal. What the hell are they actually trying to accomplish here?

The entire idea behind the law, and the reason that I supported our similar law here in Washington was because it stopped criminalizing pot use - cops could quit wasting their time arresting people over pot; smokers could stop having their lives messed up by jail time for doing nothing harmful, at all; the illegal trade would be normalized and the violnce associated with it would dry up...

The efforts in Colorado are eliminating ever single one of these benefits.

Bob in Houston said...

How long before the Mexican cartels that deal in weed, start setting fire
or worse to the now "legal" dispensaries? And do Colorado citizens who partake now get to worry about whether or not question 11-e on the 4473 form can be against them by the Feds at some point?

Derfel Cadarn said...

I can think of no subject or issue where government is a viable option. Government cannot even operate monopolies at a profit, nor can the efficiently steal money, murder citizens or abscond with individual's rights. We the People must cause government to take up the issue of extinction, its own and use all means required to see it comes about.

Chip Ahoy said...

The Colorado State government is trying to satisfy a demand by its population for a substance considered harmful. The citizens are divided on this issue. What is so ridiculous about that? It is the exact same thing as prohibition. All your comments can be applied to prohibition. And where do you get the idea that Colorado State is "selling" pot? Citizens are selling pot, not the State. It's not like Utah. They are not State shops. Your remarks seem to indicate you think so.

The Colorado State government is struggling to satisfy a demand by its population to regulate another substance, and object, a set of objects, firearms, considered harmful. The citizens are divided on this issue. What is so ridiculous about that?

This here is what you call balancing conflicting interests. You know that already. These people have to get themselves elected after all. You know that too.

Chip Ahoy said...

The Colorado State government is trying to satisfy a demand by its population for a substance considered harmful. The citizens are divided on this issue. What is so ridiculous about that? It is the exact same thing as prohibition. All your comments can be applied to prohibition. And where do you get the idea that Colorado State is "selling" pot? Citizens are selling pot, not the State. It's not like Utah. They are not State shops. Your remarks seem to indicate you think so.

The Colorado State government is struggling to satisfy a demand by its population to regulate another substance, and object, a set of objects, firearms, considered harmful. The citizens are divided on this issue. What is so ridiculous about that?

This here is what you call balancing conflicting interests. You know that already. These people have to get themselves elected after all. You know that too.

Eric said...

The 25% tax on the 'legal' pot has made it more expensive than the 'illegal pot. I wonder (not really) how well this is going to work out for them?

Tam said...

"Chip Ahoy",

Have I told you my Indian name?

Anonymous said...

Bob in Houston has a pertinent question. I would like to see some discussion on that.

Tam said...

Knock yourself out.

Amiable Dorsai said...

Bob in Houston said: "How long before the Mexican cartels that deal in weed, start setting fire or worse to the now "legal" dispensaries?"

Probably never. Bootleggers didn't start blowing up legitimate bars after Prohibition ended. That's a losing game, for the same reason the War on Drugs is a losing game--take out one player, and two spring up to take his place.

Besides, crystal meth, cocaine and heroin offer many more bucks for a given amount of smuggling. Legalize those and the cartels will take a real hit.

Anonymous said...

Oh, sorry, I guess I should have been more clear on what I was asking in regards to Bob in Houston's comment. I meant the second part "do Colorado citizens who partake now get to worry about whether or not question 11-e on the 4473 form can be [used] against them by the Feds at some point?"

Tam said...

Question 11e asks “Are you an unlawful user of, or addicted to, marijuana or any depressant, narcotic drug, or any other controlled substance?” so if the person is an unlawful user of marijuana or addicted to it, then they would have to answer "Yes" to that question. If they are neither addicted nor using it unlawfully, then they can answer "no".

Acksiom said...

>#714? Shouldn't that badge number be #420?

Not in the serious remake; leave it for the Ackroyd-Hanks-GLaDOS parody.

Windy Wilson said...

Re Question 11e
If they have a prescription from some tame doctor to buy it from a state-registered dispensary, it isn't illegal, and ask any user; They aren't addicted, they can quit any time they want, and they've done so dozens of times this year already, to invoke Mark Twain.

Words are our business, so we have to read closely.