Thursday, December 15, 2005

Pssst! There's no such thing as memes. Pass it on...

Josh at South Park Pundit snuck up and taped a meme to my back when I wasn't looking. Apparently I'm supposed to relate to the crowd my five weirdest habits. Okay, I can do it. The only hard part is picking which ones are the weirdest from the dozens I have to choose from.

1) Tamara Tourette's.
When I moved to my current domicile, my then-roommate and I opted to go with a cable modem, and decided not to activate the land line to the new crib. This meant that I had to finally give in and get a cell phone. I picked a cheapo Cricket that doesn't play games, take pictures, or do much of anything but let me talk, reluctantly, to people who have weaseled my phone number out of me and folks who fumble-finger the occasional wrong number. Of course a cell phone, unlike a land line, is in a different place every time it rings, and therefore sets off a torrent of curses as I fumble around trying to remember where I left it. This has become Pavlovian, as now the ringtone of my cellie triggers an impressive cascade of profanity, even when the phone is in my hand when it goes off. Friends find this amusing.

2) Telephone Tam.
A previous employer explained to me that a curt "Yeah?" when answering the phone at work was Not Cool, and that new customers wanted their first phone contact with our business to be with a pleasant Suzie Receptionist and not Bea Arthur with Tourette's Syndrome. He drummed this into me until, to this day, my phone voice is half an octave higher and ten times as bubble-headed as everyday me. This is funniest if a phone call interrupts me in mid-rant at work: "I don't care what we have to do; the guy's a good customer and we need to get his gun to him tomorrow. Just make it happen, even if we have to eat the *&%$#@ loss, and... *ring, ring* Hel-lo? Thank you for calling Coal Creek Armory!"

3) Bad Table Manners.
If I sneak a book onto the table while we're out at a nice restaurant, it doesn't mean that I don't like you, it's just that my digestive system doesn't work right unless I'm reading...

4) The Other Side Of The Above.
...which is why there's also a bookshelf in the loo.

5) The Black Hat.
When I started riding a motorcycle every day some six years ago, I needed a handy way to combat Helmet Hair. I took to sticking the bill of a baseball cap (black, natch') down the front of my jeans when I rode so that I could yank my hair into an easy ponytail when I pulled the helmet off. Of course, the hat gave me a way to make clever personal statements ("Glock", "NIN", "Molon Labe", "Quake: Arena", et cetera,) and rapidly became, not just a part of my everyday wardrobe, but part of Public Image Tam.

Now to pass this meme infection on to, well... to whoever hasn't caught it yet, plus Xavier, Tiff and Alston.


BobG said...

I fail to see anything weird about those five habits; most of them make sense, to be truthful.

Tiffani said...

I can say that she has gotten much better about answering the phone. I dont have to give her that"Geez, Tam" look anymore.

Josh said...

The only one that would raise an eyebrow is the book at the table...that would be just a touch on the strange side.

BTW: I think "dmhkbgdw" is the longest, most difficult to read verification I've ever seen.

Elmo's aphasiatic twin said...

Tam, at least there's miminal worry worry about table manners when one is perched above the waters and reading. There is a rare time, however, when one occupied in such manner may hold up service to the remainder of a dinner party. This is most uncouth.

Etiquette permits those delayed to respond with speed dialing the cell number of the offending party. This has provoked distasteful language and caused personal injury when the enthroned attempts to silence the "DAMN PHONE".

Greg C said...

FYI, Tam, concerning your fourth point:

My English wife has informed me that the "loo" is in fact the actual throne upon which one sits, not the room in which it is installed.

She says it is quite disconcerting when an American attempts to speak Anglish-English in order to, you know, make her feel welcome, and excuses themselves for a couple minutes to stand in the toilet bowl.

As turn-about is fair play, when she announced that the transit authority is economizing on her bus route, and so therefore she came to work that day on the short bus, she was rewarded with the staff meeting disintegrating into five minutes of uncontrollable laughter.

Oleg said...

Speaking of memes, I say one today: "9/11 attack was a faith-based initiative."

David said...

Number 2 is something that always amazed my kids, when during a mild chastisment the phone would ring. My voice would drop about 150db and I'd answer with a nice "hello", have a pleasant conversation, then after hanging up, crank the volume of my voice back up and continue where I left off, hardly missing a beat.