Thursday, December 07, 2006

Taliban FM 22-13: Teacher killin' and Buggery.

So, allegedly the Taliban forces have a shiny new field manual out. It covers the usual things one would expect from the handbook of a guerrilla army made up of a bunch of hill-tribe, god-drunk zealots, but it also has a few sections that are, well, unusual things to find in an army field manual, at least to Western eyes. There's rule 24 and 25, for example, which cover the beating and killing of teachers.
"It is forbidden to work as a teacher under the current puppet regime, because this strengthens the system of the infidels," says rule 24. And if a teacher refuses a warning to give up his job, reads rule 25, "he must be beaten."

"If the teacher still continues to instruct contrary to the principles of Islam, the district commander or a group leader must kill him," it continues.
Nothing is mentioned about the district commander or group leader getting bonus guerrilla points for creative executions, such as Honda-powered drawing & quartering, but we must assume that's taken as understood.

Then there's one rule that strikes us as especially bizarre, noting as it does that Taliban guerrilla fighters
"are not allowed to take young boys with no facial hair onto the battlefield or into their private quarters."
Apparently, therefore, Tommy Taliban needs to glue a beard on him or find someplace other than his quarters, such as behind the shed, in order to avoid Buggery Demerits.

Who knew?


Standard Mischief said...

You gotta wait for paradise before you get your allotment of 72 virgins and 28 young pre-pubescent boys

3yellowdogs said...

I had always (stupidly) assumed that those 72 virgins were comely young girls. Just my hetero-centrism exerting itself, I guess.

Guess there's no rule that says some or all of those virgins can't be smooth-faced young boys. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

B&N said...


"Tommy Taliban needs to...find someplace other than his quarters, such as behind the shed, in order to avoid Buggery Demerits."

Woman, you crack me up with this stuff.

MarkHB said...

And on that note, I'm off to find a roll of mental floss and give my brain a good reaming out.

Kristopher said...

Teach arab teenagers to shave early ... else they'll get "goat" duty.

rickn8or said...

I bleeve the reward is "72 virgins of the martyr's age".

That kinda takes the incentive out of living to a ripe old age before martyrdom.

Anonymous said...

I believe there was a Greek colony in Afghanistan in ancient times.

mauser*girl said...

Unfortunately, it's not just goats and unbearded boys who are at risk...