Oh, to have been a fly on the wall.

Countertop takes the wind out of a rude fellow patron's sails.

Un provoked, out of nowhere I hear “that is not an appropriate shirt.”

Not thinking it could be directed at little old me I sample some of the bruschetta (tasty, but it could use some olives), when I hear “and you have a baby with you, disgusting.”

At that, I turn around: “Can I help you?”

Go and read it.