Thursday, June 28, 2012

Only Obama could have gone to Zeta Reticuli.

From the CSM:
President Obama may be trailing Mitt Romney in the polls on who'd do a better job fixing the economy.

But if the Earth ever is attacked by hostile beings from another planet, a strong majority of voters believe Mr. Obama would be superior in dealing with the situation.
We know how Obama would deal with aliens: He'd offer them a Path to Citizenship and give their leader an iPod preloaded with his speeches.

Then after Jeff Goldblum infiltrated the alien spaceship and blew it up, there would be pictures in Newsweek of Barry looking pensive in a White House situation room, showing the incredible courage he had in ordering Jeff to risk his life.

Later, anonymous sources in the administration would leak details of the computer code used to blow up the mothership and the plans of the secret alien fighter craft from Area 51 to Hollywood moviemakers to ensure accuracy in the blockbuster docudrama, presumably in return for a favorable depiction of the president.

I've seen some weird distractions from the main issue of this election, which is THE ECONOMY, STUPID, but this one takes the cake. "Well, maybe Obama couldn't balance a checkbook if you held a gun to his head, but wouldn't he be awesome against little green men and bug-eyed monsters?"


Shrimp said...

Great, so amongst people that seriously consider the possibility of an extraterrestrial invasion scenario, BarryO is the clear winner.

Which leads me to wonder, what about people that seriously consider the zombie apocalypse? How does he rate amongst them?

And let's not leave out the meteor/asteroid/comet strikes the Earth and obliterates life-crowd, they have to have a say in this, and it's important!

Hey, what about normal folks that go to work every day and try to keep their mortgage payments on time, and put food on the table and keep gas in the car, and bills paid? Surely those pie-in-the-sky folks have some kooky idea about which presidential candidate would be better in the Oval Office should some unforeseen tragedy strike us. Like an economic collapse, perhaps.

Crazy, I know.

staghounds said...

It's MY checkbook he's screwing up!

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

What was that PJ O'Rourke line about the difference between Democrats and Republicans? Oh yeah. God exists but there ain't no such thing as Santa Claus.

In the same vein, the imploding economy exists, and the question of invading aliens is not even on the table...and apparently most Americans who answer polls are dolts (or are lying).

Borepatch said...

Shorter article: He may not be able to solve any actual problems here, but he'd be totally awesome on imaginary problems!

Anonymous said...

I ordered a computor software virus to be loaded on to the alien spacecraft by expendable members of the US military. I order them to fly to the mother ship and load the software into it's systems. I then planned to have a high yield nuclear weapon to be detonated to prevent the system from recovering.

I also plan an attack by a rag tag group of pilots on the alien space craft closing in on my location. As the inital attack stalled I ordered the pilots to make one more push to save our country against the advise of my senior military commander.

I am please to announce my plan has succeeded. This day will forever be known as Independence Day brought to you by Barack Obama!

BHO POTUS 4 July 2012


Anonymous said...

"Shorter article: He may not be able to solve any actual problems here, but he'd be totally awesome on imaginary problems!"

Which holds for almost any politician when you compare their achievements in office to their campaign promises....

GBBL said...

This read less like snark and more like a documentary.

RL said...

Footfall can't come soon enough.

Drang said...

How about among those who are outraged that SCOTUS just upheld the constitutionality of Obamacare, and ruled the Individual Mandate is a totally Constitutional Tax?

For example.

Sorry, I'm a little pissed off right now...

Shrimp said...

Right there with ya, Drang.

RL said...

SCROTUS be damned.

Bram said...

You forgot the bowing - lots of bowing and kowtowing.

Bubblehead Les. said...

Aliens,Shmaliens. What's Barry gonna do about the Mayan Apocalypse, huh? After all, it's gonna happen on HIS Watch come December.

DirtCrashr said...

Bram beat me to it. He'd bow first and the Alien leader-creature would bite-off his head and suck on it like a lollypop.

Stretch said...

I read articles like that and wonder why God gave such people opposable thumbs.

Tam said...


"I read articles like that and wonder why God gave such people opposable thumbs."

To hold their asses open when they pull their heads out to eat or sleep.

DirtCrashr said...

The question of invading aliens exists as a counterpoint to the Zombies for which we already prepare.
As a scourge - maybe he'd tell the Aliens a joke like "The Aristocrats" - only he'd call it, "The Judicicrats" - and they'd die laughing...but get free healthcare.

Shrimp said...

"To hold their asses open when they pull their heads out to eat or sleep."

Can't be. People in that condition are self-sufficient in their current state as to not need to eat, or sleep, or breathe. Pulling their heads out actually would be fatal.

In their cases, the opposable thumbs are kind like an appendix. It's there, it serves no purpose, sometimes it causes more problems than you'd like--deal with it.

perlhaqr said...

We know how Obama would deal with aliens: He'd offer them a Path to Citizenship and give their leader an iPod preloaded with his speeches.

That burned so hard my monitor is now smoking. :D

fast richard said...

This is what the media thinks is worth asking about, or covering as news? We're doomed.

ExurbanKevin said...

Actually, if Obama wants to head out to Proxima Centauri on a diplomatic mission, I for one would be more than happy to kick in a few bucks to help send him on his way.

joe in Reno said...

I just got my first Obummercare robocall. Buy our "Buy our insurance to avoid tax penalties." Damn, that sure didn't take long.

BHO and aliens...more like this I think:

Kristopher said...

After the aliens give him a copy of their handbook "To Serve Man", he can go to Zeta Reticuli to supervise operations!

Brad K. said...

I can see how Obama would score higher than Romney against alien invasion.

On Obama's watch we armed the Dept of Ed SWAT teams to collect late student loans. We armed the hell out of Mexican drug cartels, and I hate to think what the quid pro quo was that Obama/Holder got from that little "guns for drugs for democrat votes" exchange.

Obama sics the IRS, routinely, on wealthy folk that don't broadcast a plea for more taxes, and for those that don't contribute to his campaign (sorry about that, Chrysler dealers and Gibson Guitar).

Then there are the world-wide drone attacks, and police and NSA drones, tapped phone and internet lines in the US -- and what has Romney done? The worst so far has been to reorganize, scavenge, and shut down -- failing corporations! Why, there is hardly any blood on the floor, and the victim was down anyway.

On the other hand, look at how long it took Obama to learn to kill people. It ain't no problem, for the narcissist that doesn't believe others are actually people, anyway. Romney may not be big on compassion, and may not (yet) have a rep for aggression and slaughtering bystanders, just occasionally. But in between trigger pulls, I want someone with less FAIL cred. Here's hoping a big move is in store for Mr. Obama, come January.

Buzz said...

I'm not at all surprised.

Star Wars, Firefly, V: They all represent governments complicit with "alien" forces to unite worlds "in the name of peace," all the while turning the common man's freedom and rectum into a turkey shoot.

Anonymous said...

"Stupid, it's not the economy."

Hope that didn't come out aggressive but sadly, our elected leaders can do little about the economy. Far too many factors outside governments' control influence it.

About the only country that can control its domestic economy is China, because of the high proportion of state owned enterprises, high levels of saving among the population and high government foreign reserves. Being a dictatorship also helps.


Temnota said...

Control may not be the right word. Government can choose to screw up the marketplace, or not.

Egil Woxholt said...

About the only country that can control its domestic economy is China

You're joking, right?

Brad K. said...

@ mike,

"our elected leaders can do little about the economy"

There are two different aspects of an economy. One, is what happens between people. I buy a dozen eggs from my neighbor; the government doesn't do much about that.

But the government does set the burden that it imposes on the nation. Tax rate is one biggie. Taxes siphon off part of every transaction. Regulations imposed on the nation add an indirect burden, making each regulated transaction a bit more expensive and less rewarding to the people involved. Then there is the manpower that governments suck away from the people engaged in buying and selling, in growing and producing. These are all people that consume the food and products produced in the nation, but their effect on the economy does not produce a carrot, an ear of corn, a novel of fiction for sale, or a tire for an automobile.

Elected officials can choose to recognize that every dollar spent by the government represents expending a bit of energy. That money will procure products that took electricity, oil, coal, etc. to produce, or will pay wages to a government employee or program recipient that will be used to purchase food and other items that took energy to produce, but that won't be used to grow a potato or a dozen eggs for sale. Even more important than drilling new oil wells, is reducing the amount of money, that is, energy, that our government spends.

Back to my neighbor and me. Our government was set up for several reasons. To protect the nation from attack or other expressions of international force (blockades, trade wars, etc.), to assure that within the nation we aren't contending against each other thus wasting productive time and resources, and to meet the needs of the various states to avoid internal conflicts.

President Obama's uneven foreign policy has failed to assure security for America, instead creating turmoil, distrust, and anger that will roil for generations.

Our elected officials in Congress have great responsibilities. The Senate is required to confirm or reject treaties with foreign powers, to review any nominations that the President might make and to confirm or reject those nominations. The House of Representatives has the responsibility to impeach the President if he oversteps his legitimate authority or violates the law in other ways, the Senate to try the President or other impeached officials upon an impeachment by the House. The last President so impeached was President Bill Clinton; he should be the last only if he is the last President to violate the law or the Constitution.

Removing corrupt or criminal officials, passing laws that benefit the nation or harm it, are ways that Congress can impede or encourage my neighbor to raise enough chickens to have an extra dozen that I might be able to buy. This aspect of what the government does is sometimes called "confidence", that aspect of life in America that encourages, or discourages, people to build, to grow, to raise families or flee bad situations.

The economy is both the breath and the life of the nation, and the measure of the health of the nation.

I may well be stupid, but it sure seems that, today, the stagnant economy is a valid measure of the bloat of the government and failure of officials to act in my best interests. And that is how I will vote.

Egil Woxholt said...

I may well be stupid.

Yeah, you kinda are: your argument is that the monies spent by government are consequently not available to buy chickens.


Kristopher said...

Welp ... I guess we can tax anything we don't like now.

How to tax hippies ....

Tax not owning a carry permit.
Tax not driving a car
Tax not eating red meat once a week
Tax not eating bacon

I wonder what else we can tax hippies for not doing?

GBBL said...

Smelling good?

The Great and Powerful Oz said...

If things go totally pear shaped, the Mormons are really high on my list of people to throw my lot in with. They stand a much better chance of surviving than Obama's supporters.

Windy Wilson said...

"our elected leaders can do little about the economy."

Actually governments can do lots to mess up the economy, but very few things to stimulate it in the short run. This is why the constitution listed the things the government was permitted to do. They wanted the government to STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY of private citizens pursuing life, liberty and happiness.