Friday, November 18, 2022


The plague of goofiness upon the land of firearms usually causes polite people to snicker behind their hands, but occasionally someone feels compelled to call out the derpy, cringe-y nonsense. You know, the Punisher skulls and the Gripknives and the pistol bayonets and most of all...
Once upon a time, I named my issued M240. In my defense, I was a young idiot. Naming your gun is one of those things you should grow out of quickly. It’s a gun, it’s an inanimate machine, it doesn’t have a personality, and it doesn’t need a name.

If you need to name something, go to an animal shelter, I’m sure they have a dog, cat, or iguana you can adopt and name. The exception is if it’s punny. Calling a Desert Eagle a Deagle or a Mosin a garbage rod is one thing, but calling your AR-15 Lucille is cringy, and you’re not Negan.

Of course, standing in front of the tidal bore of goofiness at your typical gun show and saying "stop!" is a Canute-like exercise in futility, but I understand and sympathize with the urge. Sometimes you just gotta say it.