Friday, February 10, 2006

Politics: Scots wrap The Bruce's remains in copper wire...

...and generate enough electricity to run every lightbulb in Edinburgh 'til 2137 AD.

Justice Minister Cathy Jamieson yesterday vowed it would be just one of many measures to battle knife crime in Scotland.

...

Launching the amnesty for England and Wales, Home Secretary Charles Clarke said: "Every weapon handed in will be a weapon that cannot be used in crime.


"Anyone with a knife or other weapon that might be used to cause fear and distress on our streets should take this chance to get rid of it."

Still unknown is whether large males will be recompensed if they turn in their hands and feet.

Rumor has it that the Knife Amnesty will be shortly followed by the Vaguely-Pointy Objects Amnesty, the Large Heavy Rocks Amnesty, and the Prefrontal Lobe Amnesty.

In other news from the islands, a motion has been launched to retroactively change Richard I's sobriquet to Richard Coeur De Poulet.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hell with it. I'll clean out my closet, you clean out yours, and we'll go take the place over.

Dave P.

Anonymous said...

Um... gun closet, that is... and other things too.

DaveP.

DirtCrashr said...

Why isn't there a three-day waiting period on returns? A registration to insure that weapons handed-in have not been used in a crime in the past...two Centuries? They need to create a registry of hand-ins too, and fingerprint everybody. ;-)

BobG said...

I found the picture at that link hilarious; can you imagine someone slipping a 10" chef's knife into their waistband to carry around? That's about as safe as carrying a cocked derringer in a jock strap...

Anonymous said...

bobg: Consider it self-correcting behavior, in the Darwinian sense: idiots who do such things are unlikely to pass on their genes...

DaveP.

Fairlane64 said...

Sigh...
There's only two possible solutions:

1. Disarm everybody - including the criminals.
2. Arm everybody - make it a law you've got to be armed.

My vote is for number 2. :)

Zendo Deb said...

Things to be included in future sessions: scisors, screwdrivers, saws, hatchets, hammers, frying pans, broken glass bottles, clubs, large sticks (and the trees they come from), heavy-based lamps, tire-irons, lenghts of steel pipe, bricks, bats, ...

No word on if they will outlaw cars, since you can run someone down with one.

And wasn't there a story recently about a woman who defender herself with a shoe? Better outlaw shoes just to be sure (or at least those with pointy heels or toes, or hard edges!)