Tuesday, September 26, 2006

An update on the Taxonomy of Modern Dangers.

In an attempt to see if I could rattle a normally unflappable co-worker with a total non sequitur, I asked Shannon the gunsmith, completely out of the blue "Which do you think is more dangerous? Face-eating monkeys, or killer space robots?"

Without batting an eye, he replied "Killer space robots shouldn't be a problem, since you could just rig your microwave oven to produce an electromagnetic pulse, and then take them out with a wrench. I'd be more worried about the face-eating monkeys; they probably travel in packs."

Then he went back to his work as though nobody had asked him a totally bizarre question for no apparent reason.

That was probably some good advice about using your microwave against the killer space robots, though...

8 comments:

Mulliga said...

Avoiding Animal Attacks Rule #1 - Never celebrate a birthday for something that has already bitten off part of a woman's finger. It just ain't right.

Standard Mischief said...

Of course, it takes time to circumvent the three required-by-law interlocks there to keep kids from sticking their heads in a microwave and giving themselves a tan, but doable.

I don't know though, because all the killer space robots I've ever seen are made of metal.

Anonymous said...

Hey, SM,
Did you ever put metal in a microwave? LET THE FIREWORKS BEGIN!

Mel

Twycross said...

All right, but you would need advance warning in order to prepare your EMP cannon. And without any warning, the robots would be a bit much to handle. Monkeys, on the other hand, can be fought off with a kitchen knife or a blunt object. Aren't most killer space robots impervious to small arms fire?

Anonymous said...

OK, so now we have a plan to deal with killer space robots (I expect to see Amazon sell out of 1500 watt microwaves immediately as everyone builds their anti-robot cannons which, if I understand correctly, will also boil water at 50 paces). And, I'm sure everyone reading this blog is already well prepared for the face eating monkeys - large caliber repeating firearms are not a shortage item among the VFTP horde.

What keeps me awake at night, though, is the concern over mutations leading to hybridization: what if we're attacked by face eating space robots?

I think I can figure out how to marry a Colt to an Amana, but I don't know how to deal with the power cord. Bueller? Anyone?

pdb said...

I Swear To #DIETY...

I was in the grocery store the other day, and on their table of Hallow'een junk was a stuffed chicken with an eye patch that danced and sang a pirate song when you squeezed its butt.

My first thought, IST#D, was: "Damn! Robot pirate chickens! Better warn Tam!"

Anonymous said...

Dang, I always learn something when I come here...

Thomas said...

I haven't laughed this hard since I found a web thread debating what firearms to take to a zombie invasion. The breaking point was over whether the zombies were fast "28 Days Later" type zombies, which favored the PS-90, AR-15 or AK for high firepower and good tracking, or Romero type shufflers which allowed for more precise, though slower, bolt guns and shotguns.
Great fun.