Friday, March 16, 2007

zomgbeststeakever!!!!1!one!!1!

A little hobby of mine has been the pursuit of the perfect steak. For the sake of this quest I have dined in steak houses from Texas to Belgium, searching like Diogenes for an honest chunk of dead cowflesh. I've tried everything from chain eateries like Ruth's Chris to bucks-up joints like Atlanta's Prime, and have arrived at this conclusion: To calibrate a steak house, order a nine ounce filet, cooked as rare as possible.

For lunch today I went back to EdisonPark. I've dined there three times before, but always had the prime rib. Today I ordered a nine ounce filet. When asked how I wished it cooked, I responded "As little as legally allowed."

After devouring my bleu cheese-drenched iceberg wedge, I sat back as the entree was placed before me. Noting that it appeared a little shrivelled on the outside, I was initially resigned to the fact that yet another steak house had no clue what "rare" meant. Then I noticed the crimson crescent trailing from the steak along the edge of the plate...

I picked up knife and fork and cut into the chunk of cow and, like a Wes Craven flick, blood ran out to join the trickle already on the plate. Hosanna! Glorioski! I placed the slice in my mouth and it fairly dissolved; the outside was crisply seared to perfection, with a dusting of garlic and sea salt, while the inside tasted like nothing but cool, tender dead cow. Unlike most steak joints, EdisonPark does not overmarinate their cattleflesh in some special homebrewed sauce, but rather lets the cow speak for itself. I floated up in the air like the cartoon dog after he ate the biscuit. Two bites in, and I very nearly decorated my cupcakes right there in the booth. I went through that filet with machine-like precision, and as I leaned back from the now-bloody plate my waitress returned...

"Ma'am, can I get you anything else? Ma'am? Hello?"

"Huh? What? No... uh... Check pl... My god, that was the best steak I have ever eaten in my whole life!! ...ease."

"Thank you; I'll bring the check right out."

If you're in K-town, go to EdisonPark. Try the filet. I give it two thumbs up because I only have two thumbs to give for the perfect rare filet...

27 comments:

Brian Dale said...

Hooray!

Congratulations. :)

Rabbit said...

I picked up a load of Porterhouses this afternoon from the little hole in the wall meat market down the hill from me.

They're proofing right now. I'll be enjoying them a little later. They look even better since I got them home.

Regards,
Rabbit.

Alex. said...

Cow. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

BobG said...

That steak sounds good; just warm it up to body temperature and slap it on the plate. If it doesn't fight back when you stick a fork in it, it's overcooked.

Alcibiades said...


I very nearly decorated my cupcakes right there in the booth.


I hope that means "vomitted", but, by the context, it can't possibly mean that.

Tam said...

Decorating one's cupcakes, right there in the booth:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf82iXrZaxs

triticale said...

I've seen cattle recover from worse wounds than that.

anguslincoln said...

Have you ever tasted a cow cooked over an outdoor campfire and savored the smokey goodness of natural wood fired flavor? I work in a kitchen of a restaurant that specializes in wood fired grilling of meats. No propane or fancy lazer cooked proteins there.And spit roasted prime rib over the wood fire is really hard to beat.It warms my heart to hear of someone such as yourself that truly enjoys a properly cooked slice of beefsteak!

staghounds said...

Culbone Stables Inn, Porlock, Somerset. The cattle live on grass, right there on the place.

Anonymous said...

That's only because you've never had my grilled venison backstrap...

Will said...

A friends steak order to the server: "Tell the cook to walk the cow past the fire"

Alcibiades said...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf82iXrZaxs


Dear God, that's exactly what I was afraid it meant.

Now, Meg Ryan's going to haunt me for the rest of the week.

Anonymous said...

Used to be something called a "Pittsburgh" steak. That was a steak that was med-rare on the inside with a charred crust on the outside. Supposedly got the name from the steelworkers cooking their steaks on a slab of just poured steel in the mills. First time I had one was at a place on the waterfront in Savannah. I was told that they kept their grill bars red-hot just for that reason...

Gay_Cynic said...

Congratulations!:) If you ever get out that way, try LG's in Palm Springs. Yum.

Andrew Weitzman said...

In the unlikely event you should ever make it to Montreal, I recommend Moishes'. Old-school Jewish steakhouse that understands what comprises the four basic food groups: potato, huge chunks of meat, fried onions, and coleslaw. Especially the potato. Ain't had a true nirvana on earth experience if you haven't tasted a Monte Carlo 'tato--mashed in its own skin with cream and chives. :D

Ahab said...

I would say that you're off, ever so slightly.

The best way to judge a steakhouse is to order the same steak (9 oz filet) but order it medium rare.

It's been my experience that the perfect medium rare is damn near impossible to get; it's either too rare or too medium.

Anonymous said...

"too rare"

See, that sounds like English, but I just can't parse it...

Hobie said...

Glorioski! I think you found a good steak! *LOL* Great story and you sound more and more like Dad's sister, my Aunt Virginia (now 90) every day. Love it.

Gewehr98 said...

What was wrong with Ruth's Chris?

comatus said...

If I am very good for the rest of my natural life, when I die I will go back to Dude's in Sidney, Nebraska, the steakhouse at the end of the world.

Tyler said...

I moved from Knoxville back in May. Reading your post was pure torture.

Ulises from CA said...

"Two bites in, and I very nearly decorated my cupcakes right there in the booth."

Interesting turn of phrase. But, what does it mean? I have an inkling, but am unsure about my direction.

El Capitan said...

When I was up in Canuckistan on business, I got addicted to a chain of steakhouses called The Keg. They're starting to show up down here in the States. Here's their criteria for grilling cowflesh:

BLUE RARE Cool,blue,all the way through.
RARE Cool centre,bright red throughout.
MEDIUM RARE Warm centre,red throughout.
MEDIUM Warm,pink centre.
MEDIUM WELL Hot,small trace of pink in the centre.
WELL DONE Hot,fully cooked throughout.
CHICAGO Charred outside,cooked to order inside.

They're dead serious about the Blue Rare. Don't go there unless you like steak tartare.

phlegmfatale said...

Wow - that steak sounds worth the drive from, well, pretty much anywhere. Congratulations.

Anonymous said...

Back when I ran a restaurant in cattle country (backcountry, AZ), we would get the occasional order for a steak "black and blue." What the customer wanted was a steak cooked on ungodly high heat and seared so fast that, while it's outside resembled a medium-well, the inside was still cool and blue. Very hard to do, requires insane amounts of heat, but what an amazing steak.

Sigivald said...

... but I don't like my steaks blue rare.

What anonymous said sounds about right to me; good and cooked on the outside, pink and juicy on the inside (more or less a charred-outside, honest medium-rare). But not cool, for the love of God.

If I want my meat raw, I'll order the tartare or carpaccio.

(What El Capitan said, though there've been Kegs in the US for ages now, at least here in the Northwest.)

Kim du Toit said...

Medium.

Sorry, I like my meat to be good and dead - none of this thrashing around, mooing on the plate, and having to ask other diners to help you subdue the damn thing.

Here's an interesting point: almost ANY steak will taste okay, if rare. But a really good steak will still hold both its flavor and its texture cooked medium.