Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I had the most awful nightmare...

As part of the elaborate system of alarm clocks at Roseholme Cottage, the teevee cuts on at zero dark thirty to one of the local stations, which means local morning news. You don't realize how this stuff gets in your head until something bad happens, like the nightmare I had this morning. The one where I was being seduced by Barack Obama.

Dream Obama was such a nice guy, very sincere in his nanny state beliefs. He was also very informed about local political issues, like why the county road bypass is pissing off the chicken farmers and which high school needed a new gymnasium. This is interesting, because I know damn-all about the local scene. Also, he was real suave. It was hellish; I woke up feeling dirty, mostly because the dream-me never retorted with "You only love me for my vote."

For Vishnu's sake, people, don't let your kids sleep with the teevee running. Lord only knows what ideas could get into their still-softboiled little noggins.

22 comments:

og said...

Good Lord!

Dirty- hell, I wouldnt' be able to GET myself clean enough. I'd be showering with Lava soap until my skin glowed red.

Weather channel is a bit safer. Heather Tesch.. I dunno.

Nathan Brindle said...

Good parents don't let their kids watch local news. They let them watch Fox News.

Re Weather Channel: Jennifer Lopez or Kelly Cass for me, please.

Mark Alger said...

Remember that the Weather Channel is a hotbed of the warning delusion. You might wake up from a dream of the deluge.

M

Mark Alger said...

Warming. WARMing.

Sheesh!

Caffeine is your friend.

M

Rob K said...

And the weather channel plays that crappy jazz. Ugh.

staghounds said...

He's so pretty!

I fear the memory will drive you mad... (der)

Tam said...

I was mad because in the dream I never said "You only love me for my vote."

Anonymous said...

Have to say I'm mildy curious why knowing about how a bypass annoys chicken farmers would impress you, even in a dream.


The whole (insert sleazy voice)

Dream Politician: " Hey bebe, I know ALL about how bypasses annoy chicken farmers."

Dream Tam: 'Ooooh, your're so suave. Take me now."

Is just _too_ disturbing. I must go wash my brain out with bleach now.

Tam said...

You need brain bleach?

What about my needs?

Larry said...

Definitely something to that: I don't sleep with the TV on and can't understand why someone would want to; but I don't even like dozing in front of it prior to going to bed. It puts creepy thoughts in your head that don't get rationally fact-checked.

brbiswrite said...

Try waking up to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHhuyhlSSiA

It gets me going every time.

BRB

José Giganté said...

So tell us Tam, is it twu?

the pawnbroker said...

hmmm, you were pissed that he was seducing you for just your vote; what was it you were hoping he was seducing you for (shudder)? that dream must have featured the bizarro tam...you holding back a retort?...naaa

actually, though, he sounds like he'd be a great local politician, anybody running for county commission in a farming region better know all about why the farmers are pissed off...and his knowledge of educational needs might even make him a good governor, or hmmm...senator...

but president of the United States? him deciding when and how to go to war with current and hibernating worldwide threats? him being able to act on his beliefs that greatness and prosperity flow from the top down?

you can't help but be enthralled, even encouraged, when you listen to obama speak; he truly is charismatic, and when smooth oratory and perception trump character and content, charismatics will always win a place in politics...

and i do think obama has the strength of his convictions; it's just that he's wrong, way too inexperienced, and too naive to even be considered capable of walking the highwire of international politics (a.k.a. national defense)...i don't think the crazed terrorists, communists, and despots of the world are going to be quite so easily swayed by his charming, sincere, idealistic, hopeful, chanting of chaaannngge.

but if he runs for a local or regional office where i'm a voter, i'll give him serious consideration...as he matures into his own man, not beholden to his current handlers (who out there really thinks he reached this level of prominence on his own; what a masterful job has been done in creating his image and the perception of wisdom) then i might give him another look at the top job in eight or twelve years.

for now, let's hope that, like tam, the zillions of sheep that have been seduced for their vote by this slinky vote whore wake up and smell the coffee...then turn on some zep or heart or floyd or something to regain a little perspective...jtc

Feanaro said...

I listen to Black Sabbath. It drowns out annoying background noises like TVs, alien invasions, and such. I have never found this practice to have any negative effects, other than causing this strange desire to tune all my guitars down to C#.

the pawnbroker said...

i should have said zevon...talking about regaining world perspective, that excitable boy had it down...jtc

Kristopher said...

Falling asleep with Portland OR TV running through my head ... Tom Peterson chanting "Free C.B.!" over and over again ....

Feanaro said...

Warren Zevon is somewhat lacking in the guitar department, though Jackson Browne's mini-solo on "Johnny Strikes Up the Band" is pretty good. Damn good stuff otherwise.

tokarev762 said...

Did he have a Barry White voice in your dream?




Tokarev

Anonymous said...

That wasn't a dream...Just MSNBC doing their daily filatio of Obama.
Diamondback

staghounds said...

We took Warren Zevon to shoot machine guns once when he was performing here.

phlegmfatale said...

I used to have a theory that Teletubbies was subliminally projecting "Vote Labour Party," but then Teletubbies really took off here, too, and there went my theory.

Awakening in the middle of the night to a spittle-slug-streaked bolster cushion and the sight of the Indian head test pattern was way less creepy than that ghastly Obama fugue. Yuck.

the pawnbroker said...

staghounds, tam could wake up to roland and have a pretty good take on the world today...did he say "in '66 and '7" or twenty 06 and 7?

or he could have said '86 and '7 because i had just started a new pawnshop then and when i was alone (and sometimes when i wasn't), i'd hook up a big ol' kenwood or something to the two pair of bang & olafsens on the shelf and crank up that crazy, soulful, scary shit over and over...roland, werewolves, excitable boys, and shit hitting the fan were topical then, and amazingly more so now...want guitar? listen to nancy wilson or stevie or hendrix...want the state of the world narrated by the voice of God's psychedelic commentary? zevon (was) your guy...

you took him out for some full auto rips? awesome...of course, blazing through a few hundred rounds in a few seconds is awesome anyway...but with zevon? stealing munchkin wrangler's fawning phrase, that would be "concentrated awesome"...jtc