Went with a friend to the nearest Brazilian steak house last night. If you've never been to one, the concept will floor you: Basically, you sit at your table while dudes with awesome accents keep showing up with skewers of sizzling cuts of meat, which they slice onto your plate.
The only way to make people stop coming to your table and piling sizzling meat on your plate is to flip a little green cardboard disk over so the red side is turned up, and even that doesn't work 100% of the time, because they'll occasionally stand there and look at you like sad puppies until you feel sorry for them and flip it back over. Except they're looking at you like sad puppies that want to give you steak, instead of eating yours.
Anyhow, this gave me an idea for solving the world's problems.
What we do, is we take all the squizillions of dollars we were going to spend on bailouts, and we use it to buy mobile barbecue vans, hire a whole bunch of awesome Brazilian waiters, and then issue everybody on the planet a little circle of cardboard, red on one side and green on the other. That way, whenever anyone is feeling a little stressed or angry, all they have to do is flip their disc to the green side and a van comes screeching up and this dude hops out with a skewer of sizzling beef and slices them off a piece.
Think about it:
"In the morning, we invade."
"Come here! I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget!"
"Let's go shoot up some Crips."
"Achmed, let us kill the infidels."
Flip. *screech*. Slice. Yum!
"On second thought, never mind. Let's just have more picanha."
Beef: It's what's for peace.