wireless and broadband deployment grant programs
(including transfer of funds to Tamara for the Tamara Personal Economic Stimulus Program)
For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $75,000,000 shall be paid directly to Tamara in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Tamara to acquire an arsenal that would make the Red Army tremble, buy a microbrewery, fund bogus research proving smoking is good for you, purchase a lifetime supply of picanha or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Tamara will receive free Linkin Park tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Tamara shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Charles Schumer is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.
Go stimulate yourselves. I mean on the internet. No, no... not there! Over at Reason Magazine.
(H/T to the Atomic Nerds.)