Friday, January 29, 2010

QotD: Brian J. Noggle wins the internets.

From the "Another Nail In Your Childhood's Coffin" Dep't:
In the 3-d release of Star Wars, Han Solo will not shoot Greedo at all!

17 comments:

Jason said...

"As the Maker is my witness, Jabba, I told Greedo not to go back for a tenth order of cheese fries! I told him his heart would explode!"

"How does this affect the fact that you still don't have my money, Solo?"

"I am totally getting my future as of yet unmet wife to strangle you to death while she's wearing nothing more than a metal bikini..."

"You ate the entire spice shipment instead of dumping it, didn't you, Solo?"

That's pretty much the only conversation that Han and Jabba can have in the 3-D edition to explain why Greedo suddenly explodes and falls dead at the table.

VW: comicing. What I tried to do up there.

Jay G said...

Actually, I hear he's going to replace all the blasters with walkie-talkies...

Shrimp said...

Jay G, it was supposed to be a secret that Spielbergo was helping him. Now that cat is out of the bag...

I knew I was true geek when I saw a guy in my bar wearing a T-shirt that simply read "Han shot first" and I was the only person in the bar who 'got it.' I had to explain it to others there about four gazillion times, as did the bearer.


I have to agree with BRM. I will not be watching this go-round.

WV: ching---as in, ca-ching, the sound Lucas expects to hear simply because he is going back to the well once more, again.

jeff said...

I traded my "remastered" edition of the original trilogy for my mothers orginal release copies. Someone needs to take Lucas out and smack him upside the head a few times for this.

ToddG said...

The Republic will also discover that the Death Star is not a weapon of mass destruction and that the entire rebellion was just a grand scheme to earn billions for a company than Ben Kenobi used to run...

George said...

Just change the name of the series to Nerf Wars, where nobody gets hurt! There won't be a Death Star, just a relocation star, wherein peasants are sent under the fence, into the U.S., to escape...

JD said...

This is tragic, thankfully when my son is older we can watch the originals on VHS.

The wussification continues on...

aczarnowski said...

Will the imperial pilots simply parachute out of their exploding tie fighters too?

DirtCrashr said...

I'm glad it was my sub-adulthood and not my childhood, though I was a bit jealous of those who were young enough to could get so immersed - dream smashers should get the chain-gang.

Joanna said...

Now that I think of it, I'm not sure I've seen the original version. If I did, it was a long, long time ago.

Hasn't Lucas ever heard the saying "stop before you ruin it?"

*smacks self for asking a stupid question*

Firehand said...

He's heard it; he didn't believe HE was capable of ruining it.

Anonymous said...

If you haven't seen Red Letter Media's review of "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace", do so:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI

Not safe for work or children.

RC said...

I second Anonymous' recommendation for that review. Not only is it fucking hilarious, it explains a LOT.

word captcha: motions. What Lucus went through while making Episodes I - III.

Anonymous said...

Can't Lucas and Spielberg just stop already. Didn't they see South Park?

Seriously, Star Wars is Lucas' best work. In fact, the E4-6 are the best things he's ever done, and will ever do. For some reason a geeky muse just inspired him to create greatness, then left. Aside from extremely infrequent brilliance, he's a talentless hack.

DirtCrashr said...

I didn't see any after the third, and I probably saw that on VHS a year late - or Beta.

Anonymous said...

> The Republic will also discover that the Death Star
> is not a weapon of mass destruction and that the entire
> rebellion was just a grand scheme to earn billions
> for a company than Ben Kenobi used to run...

In the new version, the Death Star is "Too Big To Fail"(tm), but ends up being destroyed by an inside job.

After the events in "A New Hope And Change", all of the ice on Hoth melts due to global warming, and construction of the Death Star II is funded by the Space Stimulus.

Justthisguy said...

Yawn. I was already old enough to vote and drink when the first Star Wars movie came out. I stood in line to see it and was still disappointed.

Hell, I was disappointed by Star Trek, having read actual SF since I was 7 or so.

I fondly remember ignoring the goings-on in my 4th-grade class while reading "Earthlight" by Clarke. It was cool, the teacher also sang in the choir with me at church services. We understood each other.

I only had the first half of third grade, and the second half of fourth grade, they having skipped me. My Mom caught me up over the Christmas vacation. Shows how dumb the schools were, even back then, when they were trying to sorta do it right.