Glucosamine pills, which are apparently largely composed of smooshed-up shrimp shells, will make your morning Spicy Hot V-8 taste like Spicy Hot Clamato Juice, no matter how fast you swallow them.
Hey, I just heard the TV talking head in the next room say that the French guy who shot up the Jewish school and just got sent to collect his 72 raisins was named Mohammed Something-or-Other, and not, as initial media reports surmised, Guillaume Smith. This is my shocked face. Call off the search for the middle-aged white guy in the white van. I would remind the Muslims in France that in all of Europe, only the Germans have a quicker Zero-to-Jackboots time than the Frogs. You don't want to get those people feeling all riled up and pogrommy.
The local news this morning was saying something about how people had been really generous with sending the folks in the tornado zones stuff, but there were certain items they still really needed. In my dazed, half asleep state, I had a picture of some guy in Carhartts pleading into the camera, saying "My DSL's out and my power line's been down two weeks. Folks, I really appreciate the thought behind these DVDs, but can you just send some magazines?"