Thursday, June 21, 2007

Humanity comes full circle.

Sometime in our distant past, probably right after the invention of fire and before the invention of clothes, one of our distant ancestors decided that if he made a little statue that looked like Og the Thundergod and did something to it, like maybe smearing it with berry juice, he could affect the real world and keep hunger at bay or bring the rain.

Fast forward to modern, technologically-savvy America, where some school administrators in California felt that by manipulating little one inch figurines, cutting their tiny weapons off, they could keep the violence demons away. The more I think about it, the more disturbing I find it: Folks, if you are so far gone that you can't distinguish the difference between a weapon and a 3/4"-long blob of plastic shaped vaguely like a weapon, you are (not to put too fine a point on it) stark raving crazy.


Don said...

Deeply disturbing, but what do you expect from the sort of barbarians who would hold a 5th grade graduation ceremony?

As Paula Poundstone said:
"It's not that I'm not proud that you graduated in the 8th grade, honey, it's just that I kinda hoped you'd go farther than that."

lizbeast said...

Next, those psycho twits will ban pencils, pens, or other manual writing instrument, claiming that they too look like weapons. Finger painting for all! (But don't point those digits menacingly at anyone - lest they be whacked off). It makes my brain squirm to know that these people share MY oxygen!

Anonymous said...

Don't forget, they gave the kids SCISSORS to cut the little WEAPONS off with.

ClueBat. Administrators. Some Assembly required.

BobG said...

Next thing you know, they'll want representations of the Minutemen to be holding brooms instead of flintlocks.

Tam said...

Rumor has it that the Revolutionary War era muskets in the MA statehouse have trigger locks on them.

The sad thing?

I find that eminently believable.

Weer'd Beard said...

I dunno about the flintlocks, Tam. But Mass' stupid gun laws just state that Black Powder weapons may not be stored loaded. And "loaded" was recently re-defined as Primer + Charge + shot/ball. Used to be BP hunters needed to compleatly empty their guns when the laws warrented it as they just pull the primer.

My real point was when I read about primitive man and his beliefs that his minor actions effected the entire world might reflect on this whole Global Climate change junk-science.

"OMG!!! The Climate isn't EXACTLY how it was in 1960! IT MUST BE SOMTHING WE DID!!!"

Tools the 'lot of 'em!


Sabra said...

Reminds me of a man on another website who posted a thread about "Why the Police Have Guns". He'd already explained to his son that the military has guns because they exist only to kill people, but wasn't sure how to explain away the police. (I told him to just make something up, as he obviously wasn't too concerned with the truth.) If memory serves, he cut the guns off the army men someone had given his child, & was planning to throw them away after a day's worth of play.

Sabra said...

Sorry for double-commenting, but I found the thread in question, in case anyone is overcome with boredom:

Apparently, they cut the guns off with an exacto knife and painted the Army men red so they could be firefighters instead.

Anonymous said...

So, do you think that principal went through all the history textbooks with a black magic marker to make sure no child might accidentally see a musket pictured during that chapter on the Revolutionary War? Or the rifles in old photos from that pesky chapter on the Civil War? Etc. Etc.

Oh wait, she wouldn't have a magic marker. They have a sort of pointy tip and might be considered a weapon.

Anonymous said...

The most frightening thing about this is that our children, our nation's future, are being educated by people who are themselves unable to discriminate between an object and a mere representation of that object. What does that mean that they are teaching our children?

Doc H said...

I have faith in those little kids. A little piece of Og the caveman lives in them and instructs them how to use the pointed stick and one day, the boom stick.