Heck, I've got about as much of a shot at the Oval Office as he does.
C'mon, TFLers! Vote for me!
I promise to abolish welfare.
I will roll back every gun law back past NFA '34.
The Federal Income Tax? Fuggedaboutit! It's a goner!
I'll fly to Moscow, tell Putin to shut up or I'll shoot him in the kneecap, and then on to Tehran, where I'll put Ahmadinejad in a headlock and make him cry.
I'll form a new Border Patrol from the first 10,000 illegals to tag up 'home free' at the nearest Federal Buildings; the rest get deported. Then I'll put the 10,000 at the border and tell them that if anyone gets past them, they lose their citizenship and their butt goes on a plane to Tierra del Fuego.
If a bill comes across my desk that doesn't include a photocopy of the Constitution with the relevant Congressional authority highlighted in yellow, it's vetoed, baby!
Who's with me?
I figure I've got almost as good a shot at the top job as Frank Zappa does. Maybe better, what with him being dead and all...
24 comments:
You'd get my vote!
farmist
That last paragraph did it. You have my vote! Oh wait, I'm not a citizen yet...:(
I would vote for you, or anyone with that sort of platform in a hearbeat.
Damn, how did I find myself in this WayBack machine?
Summer, 1991. Moody Blues concert. As I walked out, a dude was hawking "FRANK ZAPPA FOR PRESIDENT" bumper stickers. I think I paid $2.00 for mine. Never got around to putting it on a bumper, though, and by the time I:
A: Found it again, and,
B: Had a car to put it on, and,
C: Was sufficiently disgusted with the field of candidates to thumb my nose at them by endorsing a weirdo like Mr. 99 Motels himself...
...the man had up and died.
I've been tempted, off and on for about seven or eight years now, to fabricate and post a few signs for an Alfred E. Newman/Pat Paulsen campaign.
The temptation is about as far as I ever got with it, though.
Pardner, You've got my vote. Kick ass.
"...the field of candidates to thumb my nose at them by endorsing a weirdo like Mr. 99 Motels himself...
...the man had up and died. ..."
Pretty dam' inconsiderate of him, I'd say.
Yeah, I'd vote for Tams; it would save us the cost of at least one SS agent. And I like the rest of her platform, too, even if she did leave out b*tch-slapping Pelosi and Reid on a regular basis.
Now THAT is a party platform!
OH yeah, back to the good ole days. Promise we can shot the bad guys?
You got my vote.
... welfare, subsidies, and all private benefits.
No transfer payments. Zero, zilch, nada. It's not the Fed.gov's place to play Robin Hood.
We could do worse, and have, many times.
Finally, a candidate we, the faithful, can get behind.
That'd be the JMB kind of faithful, this is.
Run, Tam, Run!
I'm afraid I won't be able to get a US citizenship fast enough. :-(
If you enter via the Rio Grande in the next month or so, you should be golden. ;)
Of course, to quote Julian Bond (Barack Hussein Obama Senior), you have not yet REACHED the AGE...
And T. Stahl already qualifies, he's been living illegally on my farm in the U. S. since October. Look, here's an affidavit...
Matt G is in as FBI director (if his dad doesn't want the job, that is.)
Staghounds is my Att'y Gen'l.
Since T.Stahl is a US citizen according to the new Attorney General, I'm putting him to work dismantling the NHTSA.
BobG, you're the new ambassador to France. If they give you any lip, just ask them to step outside; they'll shut up.
More juicy plum jobs to pass out tomorrow...
And in Washington today, Madame President met for the first time behind closed doors with members of the Cabinet and the Joint Chiefs to discuss her new Administration's foreign policy and matters of national defense. Although no formal statement was forthcoming, sources close to the President mentioned some off the cuff remarks regarding several world leaders and swift kicks to the testicles.
Turning to the weather...
Ya know, today has pretty much sucked. This gives me some hope for the future...
I'd vote for ya in a heartbeat. No ifs, ands, or buts...
Well! I never imagined such an honor.
I would rather be Treasury, to wield the red pen! (And tax investigate CAIR.)
But the dinocrat is more qualified there.
And might I be so bold as to suggest the war nerd, whoever he really is, at the newly renamed war department?
I might have hoped for Ambassador to Britain, but I accept the call to duty before fun. I await your will, which may include:
1. Refuse to contest the appeals of the Border Patrol agents.
2. Launch prosecutions of every state and federal program I can find which discriminates on the basis of race, religion, or other class membership protected under federal law.
3. Project Exile EVERYWHERE, focussing on those recently chargeded in state courts with other crimes- rape, burglary, theft, assaults. The best federal tool to take real criminals off the street and protect our people.
But second term, England please. And I will move the Embassy from that HIDEOUS building to the back of a horse in Somerset, North Yorkshire, or Linconshire six days a week. Sundays I'll be playing at Leeds
After reading the wikipedia article on the NHTSA I understand why you want it abolished.
Which is the fact that the NHTSA prevents me from importing my A2 1.2TDI - and without my car I won't move to the USA. Right? ;-)
Though I strongly suspect that the real reason behind your decision to make me responsible for abolishing the NHTSA instead of making me head of the NASA or the OSTP is that you're afraid I'd make the metric system and SI units mandatory. ;-)
Interdepartmental memorandum:
FROM: AG
TO: SECDOT
Secretary Stahl, a review of the relevant statutory authority indicates that vehicle import Regulations are promulgated by the Secretary of Transportation. Thus you may alter the regulations to permit the importation of any vehicle, or for that matter ALL vehicles, with a simple amendment to the CFR.
And, you forget that you are already here, quietly living on the farm illegally since October...
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