Thursday, February 23, 2006

Blog Stuff: Dumber than a light bar on a Prius...

Behold, the goofiest thing on wheels: The Segway i180 Police.

That's right, kids, there is now a Police Interceptor model of the "Vehicle For People Too Geeky To Ride Mopeds." I haven't seen such a rich vein of comedic ore since Pat Robertson last opened his mouth.

The punch line and sight gag possibilities simply stagger the imagination. Consider for a moment:

  • Replacing all the cop cars in a remake of the mall chase scene in The Blues Brothers with these things.
  • The comic spectacle of some tofuista on his civilian model Segway being run down in a low-speed chase by Johnny Law on the Police Interceptor variant.
  • Trying to come up with a uniform design that will still allow an officer to have a butch, commanding presence while atop one of these effete gizmos. This would probably require big spikes of some sort.

Comedy gold like this only comes along a few times in a generation, folks.

14 comments:

Ben said...

That cop used to be slim before he got his Segway.

Porta's Cat said...

That cop used to be slim before he got his Segway.

he looks like he "Segwayed" through the Krispy Kreme carry out window.

BobG said...

I want to see him take cover behind it during a shoot-out, and then haul someone to jail in it...

Tam said...

" That cop used to be slim before he got his Segway."


Yet the specs say "Carrying Capacity: 260 lbs."

If he weighs in under 260 with his duty belt on, I'll eat my hat.

Elmo's aphasiatic twin said...

There's no rack for a shotgun or patrol rifle. It must be geared toward purchasing departments in left-leaning, green communities such as SF.

Porta's Cat said...

There's no rack for a shotgun or patrol rifle. It must be geared toward purchasing departments in left-leaning, green communities such as SF.

in its defense, I would assume that is because it has no real way of securing such weapons while the officer is away from it, anymore than a bicycle can for those on bike patrol.

Actually, the idea of "Segway" is sound. You just cannot escape the dorkiness factor.

If they would put some Chuck Norris style missle launchers on it......

Ben said...

>must be geared toward purchasing departments in left-leaning, green communities such as SF.<

They don't make a Die Hard big enough to pull him up SF hills!

Steve Skubinna said...

Go ahead and laugh, skeptics. You'll be laughing out the other side of your mouth when these feature prominently in Mad Max IV: Beyond the Health Food Co-op.

Steve Skubinna said...

Wel, I agree that it's a drawback that we can't guarantee this person suffers during his execution, but that shouldn't stop it. We'll just have to accept that chance that it might be painless, in the interests of justice.

Steve Skubinna said...

Crap - stupid browser switched windows on me between typing posts. The above should have gone to the Morales thread.

Zendo Deb said...

There is a muesum around here that uses them to take folks on an architecture tour of the neighborhoods - which actually is pretty cool. But it is funny to see them all go by.

The only other place I have ever seen them is there is a guy at the local gun shows that always has many tables. He has helpers, but he is the boss, and has to answer questions. He zooms around on his segway.

Jay G said...

There's at least one guy who shows up at the Laconia rally and wheels around on one. Pretty funny, actually...

Tiffani said...

Johnny 5 is alive!

Anonymous said...

I'd heard they were using Segways iin Chicago. I can actually see the use for them. The officer is more accessible in a community policing environment, the officer is faster than anyone can run, The emergency gear laod can be bolted onto the Segway. But seriously, who picked the model?