Tuesday, September 11, 2007

News: There must be a special school...

...that police department spokespeople get sent to in order to be trained to make the kind of inane remarks they sometimes do.

Some scrote in Minnesota attacked a 24-year old woman and took her keys and her phone. Then he took off her shoes and licked her toes before dashing into the night. Thankfully he was apprehended four blocks down the road.

Commenting on the incident, one "Commander Kevin Casper" said the attack was, and I quote: "weird sexual behavior".

Thank you, Captain Obvious. We out here in the peanut gallery never would have figured that one out without your expert input.

9 comments:

BobG said...

"Then he took off her shoes and licked her toes before dashing into the night. Thankfully he was apprehended four blocks down the road."

Did they apprehend him bent over and losing his cookies?

Anonymous said...

Was it Dick Morris? Wait. You said
licked not sucked. Nevermind!

comatus said...

In the spokesman's defense, perhaps his department has had some recent toe-licking cases that were something other than weird sexual behavior. Now, you see, that would be REALLY disturbing.

Ben said...

From the files of Commander Casper:

There'd been a rash of strange incidents involving beautiful young fashion models found naked and unconcious in laundramats on the East Side. Unfortunately, I'd been assigned to issue statements to the press out of our Public Relations Bureau on the West Side. I was across town doing my laundry when I got the call from my Chief.

Anonymous said...

Wait!

Toe licking is weird?


Ain't admitting nuthun', just saying.

7.62x54r said...

I think the fire department spokesmen go to the same school, at least in ATL. Now that I think about it, so do the DOT spokesmen, although they're usually ladies. I guess you're supposed to feel better about sitting in traffic if a semi-cute chick in a hard hat warned you about in on TV.

7.62x54r said...

Oh yeah, my favorite one is where they refer to a guy who has just intentionally maimed children as "the gentleman"........

rickn8or said...

Let's not forget the ever-popular "alleged perpetrator" description of the room -temperature ski-masked ex-goblin outside the Stop-n-Rob.

Anonymous said...

http://minneapolis.metblogs.com/archives/images/2007/09/carltondavis.jpg

Check out the toe lickers picture!