Sunday, March 15, 2009

This has just come to my attention...

For whatever reason, I just heard about the kid in Brazil who has been, not to put too fine a point on it, kidnapped by his stepdad.

Apparently the President sat down for a little tête-à-tête with the wog chieftain yesterday, but instead of curtly informing him that, unless the child was put on a plane for LGA tout de suite, we'd be taking the USS New Jersey out of mothballs and putting it in the roadstead at Rio, he mumbled that he "supported the U.S. position" on the case. Of course, the U.S. position on anything is getting awful vague these days.

Seriously, though, what good is having a blue passport if you can't wave it and summon the USMC?

23 comments:

perlhaqr said...

King: How did you say goodbye?

My question: "Why did you say goodbye?"

Shit man, just grab the kid and hoof it over to the American Embassy.

WV: "bintegg" My perverse AI theory of word verification generation remains plausible, I see...

Anonymous said...

The U.S. position? Commonly, one of a submissive in a porno flick.

Art

the pawnbroker said...

it's tout de suite and not toot sweet? sonuvabitch, another (i thought) crackerism bites the french dust, never to be uttered again...

jtc

Anonymous said...

USS NJ, hoo-rah. Farewell to college joys.

In their meeting, Lula spoke of free trade and expanding business opportunity; Our One spoke of progressive policy and health care.

We have 10% ethanol and the Volt; Brasil has copersucar and the Willys Interlagos.

It is sad to say it, but any rational tribunal would leave the kid in Brasil. Ordem e Progresso.

TBeck said...

Barry is just taking the long view. If we employ gunboat diplomacy in Brazil to protect the rights of US citizens, then the State Dept. might be required to actually stand up on its hind legs when dealing with noncustodial kidnappings in Islamic countries. Can't have that, it's not cricket.

Anonymous said...

Hell, its not like she hasn't already done this. Elian Gonzalez ring bells? This time she has the full force and authority of the Marines at her disposal.

Gmac

pdb said...

"Sean Goldman alive or Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva dead!"

reflectoscope said...

Nothing wrong a 16"/50 Mk 7 can't fix. Considering how close Rio is to deep water, they'd barely have to load more than a primer. Heh.

Jim

Anonymous said...

I have nothing against Brazil. This is crazy talk. Also, the capital is at Brasilia--that's cruise missile range. Oh, and bring your ASW A-game; they have U-boats.

I've heard it said that at the height of the [first and only true] Arms Race, two-thirds of the world's population lived under the guns of the dreadnoughts.

Mutual Assured had nothing on that.

Furthermore, Rio must not be destroyed.

Tam said...

"This is crazy talk."

This is somewhat tongue-in-cheek.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I know.
So are my cruise missiles.
That's a deep-water anchorage, so
please don't take it littorally.

O god, then we might have to monitor the situation...

HTRN said...

I'm with Tam. Put the Black Dragon back on the high seas, instead of rotting away in Camden. Perhaps when it's done scaring the crap out of the Brazilians, the new guncrews can get some practice on those Pirates off the coast of Africa. Nothing punctates a message to quit trying to grab other peoples stuff quite like a coupla broadsides firing ton and a half shells.

TCK said...

Cruise missiles? Shore bombardment? Madness I say! B-52's need work too!

Matt G said...

Cruise missiles?
Bombardment?
B-52's?

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned port-taking, by Marines?

Bram said...

We never should have mothballed the BB's - Nothing says "Fuck You Very Much" like the meanest 50,000 tons of wup'ass ever built.

Anonymous said...

"Inform the tyrant that an American man-of-war is even now at sea, with a bone in her teeth, and that in a matter of hours he and his minions will be under her guns."

Anonymous said...

"it's tout de suite and not toot sweet?"

Just a corruption of French. Very common in the Southern and Mid-Atlantic dialetcs of American English. Very common to the Butternuts of the Mid-South to Midwest.

Tam's fave beer, Gnawbone (a town in Southern Indiana), is derived from a corruption of the French city of Narbonne. Nothing wrong with the corruption, just important to know its origin.

Shootin' Buddy

Anonymous said...

Then "Gallop, Police" isn't a southern Ohio SWAT team?

The Armed Canadian said...

Sorry kids, the New Jersey is in no shape to be put back to sea quickly.

However, the USS Wisconsin is another story. She is being held in inactive reserve and sealed for reactivation should the need ever arise. USS Iowa is the other technically in that status but would require much more work to restore her to duty.

Call Nauticus in Norfolk and tell them the blue water boys wanted the Winnie back and prepare to chop her loose. Give them a couple months in drydock on the James River and Rio will be handing the kid over before she clears the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay.

Anonymous said...

The issue with the Gunboats is not the hardware, it's the wetware. rounding up enough crew and training them would take a looong time.

Besides that kid thing isn't even a gunboat issue yet. But the State Department does have to actually make a stink.

Anonymous said...

Anon, we know it isn't. We only revel in the memory of our four great ships, the most beautiful ever laid down, which saw great service and engendered greater pride.

And Armed Canadian here is a splice of the main-brace to your lot, gallant old Sally Rand, and plucky St Roch, which forced the Northwest Passage in 1940--with a wooden hull.

ParatrooperJJ said...

Sounds likea "training exercise" for Delta.

graggg said...

Splice the mainbrace is an order given aboard naval vessels to issue the crew with a drink. Originally an order for one of the most difficult emergency repair jobs aboard a sailing ship, it became a euphemism for authorized celebratory drinking afterward, and then the name of an order to grant the crew an extra ration of rum or grog. The phrase is a mainstay of pirate vernacular in popular culture.
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