Tuesday, March 24, 2009

What gun for lizard?

Some folks worry about the stock market and the global economic meltdown turning their 401k into a 200.5k.

Others of us more pragmatically concern ourselves with zombies, pirates, ninjas, vampires, werewolves, hippies, face-eating monkeys, killer space robots, and now... giant lizards.


Anonymous said...

Well, that kind of kills my mood for buying that Kel-Tec P3AT...

Heh. Turing word - snoammo

As I went shopping to feed my guns, but there "snoammo"

Brian said...

Giant lizards vs. global economic meltdown:

Advantage=giant lizards.

I must sample one of these sugar-apples to see if they are worth risking a lizard death by mauling.

I suspect that they are not.

Didn't one of these things gnaw the ankle off of one of Sharon Stone's husbands a few years back?

This is the type of thing that I remember, but I can't find my wallet.

Shotguns. Must have shotguns in giant lizard country. And don't go alone.

Tam said...

"Must have shotguns in giant lizard country."

I thought shotguns were for bat country and retrieving Marcellus Wallace's briefcase?

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

"The Six Naught Naught if you are larger than a typical accountant"

Anonymous said...

USFA Lightning Baby Carbine in .45 Colt. But use Buffalo Bore 300gr as their hides are kinda tuff.

Brian said...


I thought that when retrieving Marcellus Wallace's briefcase it is best to arm yourself with either a Star model B in 9mm or an Auto Ordinance 1911 in .45.. Preferably chromed.

I love teh intarnets.

Is "bat country" a Fear and Loathing ref?

Shermlock Shomes said...

Hmmm. I'd say chose something that will shoot a BIG lizard. Or a dinosaur. This is dealt with to some extent in A Gun for Dinosaur by L. Sprague DeCamp. I seem to recall a .500 Nitro Express mentioned for use on the T Rex.

Frank W. James said...

Me? I'll just stick with one of my trusty .41 Mags and a 220 gr. hardcast Keith over a decent amount of 2400 or its modern equivalent. Has always worked up till now.

All The Best,
Frank W. James

Anonymous said...

I've always been of the mind that cities and suburbs should have brown bears, tigers, packs of wolves, Komodo dragons, and some mutant type of heat-resistant and thoroughly angry wolverines running around. People'd whine a hell of a lot less about what's happening on 'Trust Fund Debutante Detox' if there was a legitimate chance they'd get eaten whilst out of doors for video games and beer or cat food and batteries.

Drang said...

Jeeze, posted all of ten minutes ago and already there are two references to L. Sprague DeCamp. None to Bobby Shaftoe, USMC, though. (Note to self: Do not tote a Reising SMG when going in Komodo Dragon territory. Or any other kind of territory, for that matter...)

Anyway, I'm w/Mr. James, sorta: My Ruger Super Blackhawk should be sufficient for Komodo Dragons.

WV: vireveri. My zero years of Latin tells me that translates, sort of, to "Life Verification."

Anonymous said...

I think a SOCOM 16 would do just fine. If .308 can rip through a car from port to starboard, some oversized iguana's can't be that bad.

Anonymous said...

Hate to tell y'all, but these things aren't mammals (or cars) and they have no intention of dying in a timely fashion. No heart and lungs? No problem. Until that tiny blob of a "brain" they have gives up the ghost, they're going to keep right on coming. Hence, "Dateline: Pecker Nub, Tennessee: Billy Joe Tolbert continues to recover after being bitten by cottonmouth 45 minutes after severing its head". Combine that with the rather small target they present when squarely facing one brown-trousered victim, and you're gonna want a shotgun.

The Armed Canadian said...

.577 Tyrannosaur. What else? :)

Good enough for hippo, good enough for Komodo dragon.

Anonymous said...

David Drake assumed that a .30-06 with FMJ's would be just fine for dinosaurs. His character in "Time Safari" used a bubba'd Garand, modified to use BAR magazines.

Anonymous said...

Hey Blackwing, I saw a whole bunch of those up at the Springfield Armory museum. Twice a year you get to take the director's tour of the pattern room upstairs. They had a bunch of Garands with BAR mags.
Evidently, if our boys had to have invaded Japan in '45-'46, they were all going to be carrying super M-1's, with a nifty cleanout hole in the back of the reciever.

perlhaqr said...


Anonymous said...

Slow bleeders and slow CNS. I'd go with deer slugs with those Tactical Brenneke slugs. My guns love them.

If we are in a Night Defensive Position, I'd go with a 1917 or 1921 water-cooled with AP or API ammo.

Shootin' Buddy

Farm.Dad said...

Well the Wife's Taurus Judge collected 3 "buzzworms " ( rattle snakes ) Saturday while we were out in a pasture so i guess it would work .. I do belive i would bump it to at least buckshot tho , nahh heck go with some middlin hot .45 lc for a lizzard that dammed big lol

Anonymous said...

Yeah, D.W. Drang, my first thought as I read the article was of Bobby Shaftoe on Guadalcanal.

I especially liked the bit at the end of the article about successful captive breeding programs: "On Monday, a zoo in Surabaya on the Indonesian island of Java reported the arrival of 32 newborn Komodos after the babies all hatched in the past two weeks, the Jakarta Post reported."

Ooooh, there is happy news in the world today!

wv = "arythic;" that's what it's called when the lizard takes you down so fast that you don't even writhe.

Anonymous said...

Sheesh. If you can't take the lizards, stay out of the damn jungle... Darwin award ahoy for this fellow.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking Saiga 12 gauge loaded Buck/Bird/Slug/Buck/Bird/Slug/Buck/Bird/Slug.

Just because I like the sound it makes. Fak! Fleem! Thump!

rremington said...

I've got a 45-70 that should do the job.

Hey, can we import some of these lizards to DC?????

GeorgeH said...

They are too stupid to die. You gotta make big holes and let all the blood run out. 12 guage with the old Brenneke 'wadcutter' type rifled slugs.

Anonymous said...

Several thoughts come to mind:

1. Are there signs posted that say "Here There Be Dragons"?

2. Are they tasty?

3. If I don't use a horse and lance, do I still get to brag about killing it?

4. Do I get to keep any virgin maidens I find in it's lair?

5. All this talk about how tough to kill they are. Can they be worse than zombies?

6. Import them into DC? Oh hell yeah! This is exactly what DC needs. More natural predators. Since we can't seem to vote the morons out of office maybe we can just get somthing to stop by and eat them.

Rabbit said...

Nah, we've got close to 535 of them in D.C. already. I'm afraid we're already close to the predator/prey saturation tipping point already.

An Uhlan lance or a boar spear would be fun times, but on the other hand, such a social occasion just calls out for a BAR with 180 grain GameKings. Or a flamethrower. I can't decide. I bet they taste like a pig with the texture of chicken.


wv=phowns What mimes use for telecommunications.

Anonymous said...

I'm all for more natural four-footed urban predators. I meeean -- the kinda stuff that'd have Jim Corbett sweating rivers. Stuff with 'names' -- the Detroit Bonecruncher. The sorta being, that when the local bravos go lookin' for it, the last you hear of them is the screaming in the distance.

I meeeean..just for a while. Say until the idiot population of Morlock-food is reduced to it's normal very, very small demographic. Leave just enuff of the herd on the carrying range, to keep a healthy predator population.

Usta happen, too. My Bro-in-law's G-grandma was eaten by a grizz up in Montana, around turn of the century. She almost made it back to the cabin, tripped going over the garden fence. Killed and eaten in the front yard.

Let's see how much popular support for gun control legislation THAT's gonna fetch.

O'course we don't have grizz; just state produced and support'd predator classes. Howcum 'gun control' seems like sucha good idea to the victim classes? Guess Darwinian selection works after all, hunh?

"ousedge"? Nah, y'r not even safe there. A building don't mean nuthin' if ya can't defend it. Morlocks LIKE 'ouses". That's where the meat lives.

J t R

Anonymous said...

5. All this talk about how tough to kill they are. Can they be worse than zombies?

Obviously. Only brain hits count. The dragon brain is a lot smaller than a (human) zombie brain.

The article talks about poison. They may be venomous but the virulent cocktail of bacteria in their mouths is the main concern, if you don't bleed to death. The bacteria cause among other things sepsis and gangrene.

Hmm, dragon bites might just be the cause of all these zombies.

Sean Galt said...

Callahan Fullbore Autolock.

Anonymous said...

16"/50 Mk VII. When you care enough to send the very best.


Anonymous said...

I'm for AK with Winchester soft points or shotgun with slugs.

word verification = torst

Anonymous said...


YOU be concerned about lizards. I am gonna be concerned about zombie pirate ninja vampire werewolf face eating monkey killer space robots.

Hippies are no problem. Fill a super soaker water gun with soapy water, stops 'em cold.

wv: tried. As in, when the alarm went off I tried to get out of bed.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, I don't have an answer. I'm still laughing at, "Komodo National Park". Is this like the answer to the question about Grant's Tomb?

The answer is: "kittens".

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Perhaps one of these.

Probably overdoing it though.

(I was looking for pictures of the autoshotgun from Split Second, but nobody seems to have any posted anywhere.)

the pawnbroker said...

ten foot lizards? and you gotta go to frickin' indonesia to tangle with one? pfft. a ten footer is barely average for a fla gator...lake istokpoga is five miles from my house; last time i cruised it during a drought the damned things were swarming...big ones. dumbass snowbirds feed the things. and if you're gonna croak one, gotta have a permit...and a big long .44 mag. bangstick.

but apparently we've got a potentially worse reptile problem:


looks like a twelve gauge is the preferred method of dispatch...but apparently that's inhumane.

damn, this place is really getting to be a jungle...there's a huge wild iguana problem around fort myers, and i guess those dragons will take up residence soon enough.

but it's still the two-legged monsters i'm concerned about...that twelve gauge would do a pretty good job on them, too...and i don't give a rat's ass if it's inhumane or not.


Anonymous said...

What? 10 foot lizards and nobody metions the M41A pulse rifle. Ten millimeter expolsive tip caseless ammo with over-and-under thirty millimeter pump action grenade launcher.

If that fails,...just stand off in orbit an nuke the mutha's.


Unknown said...

LOL, if a Mauser 7x57 firing FMJ was good enough to kill elephants (see, for example, Karamojo Bell) it's good enough for those walking handbags.

Jay G said...

M79 grenade launcher. Nothin' but chunks...

Anonymous said...

Forget the giant lizards, we're thismuch closer to Obama's National Civilian Service Act. The House has approved the plan. Here's comes the browncoats: http://www.worldnetdaily.com/?pageId=92288
Be afraid. Be armed, but be very afraid.

Anonymous said...

General Electric Thunderbolt, a shoulder model with telescopic sights and cone-of-fire control.
I never hunt sobor without it.

--Johann Braun

WV: suppe, they make ein good one--if you fix it right.

Anonymous said...

X-Minus One "A Gun for Dinosaur"


Loose Gravel said...

If only... if only they had wings...

John the Texaner said...

I'm gonna agree with og and say Saiga 12, with a drum mag (or several). I'd go with 3" 00 Buck for ammo.

Anonymous said...

""If only... if only they had wings...""


Reminds me of a sci-fi story about a kid who got 'broken-in' to dragon hunting. Their hides were in demand for space suits. Turn in so many 'skins, get so much ammo in return. A narrow margin for survival.


J t R

Anonymous said...

We're in trouble. We have all learned from the Jurassic Park movies that firearms are essentially useless against large scaly animals, right? One way or another, the gun won't work. Either the lizards will tag team you while you stalk one, flanking you before you can fire, or your gun will end up unloaded just when you need it, or the creature will soak up bullets with no visible effect for multiple people-eating scenes.

I'm gonna keep the electric cattle fence charged. And maybe get a "goat on a rope" out on the front lawn to serve as an early warning system. And if need be, I'm going with the Mosin 91/30. If the fireball and steel core bullets fail to dissuade the things, I've always got the bayonet way out there in front. And I won't feel bad about leaving one behind, pinning the lizard to the ground, while I get in my car and drive away.

Anonymous said...

hmmm Like jurasic park lizards always attack while your in the bathroom. Thats why I keep a mossberg 12 gauge next to the toilet cleanup wand. Oh I may need a bigger toilet wand if a 10ft dragon on hind legs tries to consume me. Maybe a broom, I expect a large deposit in the stool. Tim

Mike said...

Nuke 'em from orbit; it's the only way to be sure.

word veri: phydu

"Phydu, you'll be sorry."

Matt G said...

I SO want these things in Texas. Prol'ly too chilly for 'em, though.

Anonymous said...

A better question, and more probable, might be...

What gun for brownshirts?