Wednesday, August 03, 2011

"I will beat your ass for the Prince of Peace!"

There is a certain variety of atheist that can get on people's last nerve. I'm talking about the ones who can't go thirty-seven seconds in a conversation without bringing up their status as a happy heathen and the joys of godlessness. You know the type: They come up with clever replacements for any religion-based oaths in their vocabulary such as "goddammit" or "Jesus H. Christ", supplanting them with deity-free versions that sound as forced as a gender studies undergrad using "herstory" and "womon", without realizing that they are coming across like the Spock-with-a-goatee version of the proselytizing Southern Baptists they loathe so much. I tend to start shifting nervously from foot to foot and wondering whether I should run if they try and press a copy of whatever the antiJehovah's unWitness equivalent of The Watchtower is into my hands.

Anyhow, sometimes these types get together in a pack and get a little sue-happy, most recently over the inclusion of a cross in a 9/11 memorial, which is obviously the banana peel at the top of a slope that will dump us right into the middle of a Margaret Atwood nightmare if we don't nip it in the bud. In. The. Bud!

It's the reaction of a certain variety of Christian to stories like this that has me baffled. I must have been playing hooky on the day they covered "praying for the rape of the unbelievers" in Sunday school, but I confess that I have a hard time picturing kindly Mrs. Smith covering that, so maybe she just skipped that lesson.

45 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not saying this is the case - but some of those seem so over the top as to be some breed of troll.

I needed a tinfoil hat adjustment today anyway - I'll see to it.

Tam said...

Really? Because they strike me as pretty much par for the course for people talking out their butts on the internets.

Tremaine said...

Jesus doesn't let us hand out membership cards to Christianity. If he did you can bet we would have them just so we could point at people like that and say "He's not with us."

Lewis said...

We're tribal little monkeys, deep down, and the secret of tribes is that you're always, always ready to kill the other tribes. Race, religion, branch of service, language, sporting teams. Like the Blues and the Greens in Istanbul, whoops it was Constantinople, flinging poo at each other.

In the 17th, the Poles and the Cossacks would merrily roast each other in brazen oxes when they weren't fighting Johnny Turk. Also in the 17th, the Russians fought bloody wars over the revisions of Patriarch Nikon: do you cross yourself with two fingers and the thumb, or just with two fingers?

Please to bear in mind: the examples in the foregoing paragraph are all, to our eyes at least, co-religionists, men who had, as Elvis would sing, put their hands in the hand of the man from Galilee.

Killing the other is just one of the things we tend to do.

Jesus wept.

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget there were Jews and Muslims killed on 9/11 too, possibly even Hindus, Taoists, and Buddhists. Where are the symbols representing their faiths in this memorial?

Remember, it's the diversity of this great nation that makes it great.

Anonymous said...

Truly, such people are an abomination unto Nuggan.

Samsam von Virginia

Bubblehead Les. said...

A) The reaction from the Crazy Christians seem to be par for the course with that branch of the Faith. Guess they're frustrated that they can't burn Witches anymore, nor even build a bridge out of them.
B) On the other hand, I find it funny that the Professional Atheists only seem to go after Christian Symbols in 95% of the stories that makes the News. One wonders who they are Fronting for.
C) On the Gripping Hand, you seem to have picked up a Troll Infestation. I'd call in Orkin.

Kevin said...

I demand that the Memorial include a large sculpture of a pasta bowl! I will not let Pastafarianism be belittled! Ramen!

Anonymous said...

What we should really be talking about are safety standards for disabled thrill seekers! When are we gonna pass some laws to protect this group of people?

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/w_MindBodyNews/skydiving-quadriplegics-death-raises-questions-safety-disabled-thrill/story?id=14213678

Mikael said...

I couldn't care less what religious iconography they put there.

I'm an atheist(always have been, nobody managed to brainwash me, even when mom took me to sunday school as a child, and she's broken out of the mormon cult herself now). I consider religion(any and all) to be a sort of communicable disease of the mind, making the religious unable to use reasoning and logical thought on certain subjects. It can also be used to find justification for pretty much anything, especially if the religious text is full of contradictions, like the bible(the old testament especially portrays a god that is utterly EVIL).

That being said, I'm very tolerant of religious people, as much as anyone else. I even respect the good ones, and their faith, and I can respect religion for helping people cope with trauma, and even admire people who dedicate their lives to helping others, in the name of their religion. But intolerant pricks and nutjobs are intolerant pricks and nutjobs, regardless of denomination, or lack of one, and I quite agree that there is atheists who fit the bill squarely as well.

Anonymous said...

Mother Bless! What a lovely bunch of little coconuts we have here!

Jupiter (Zeus-Pater) wouldn't be happy if he didn't get his mention.

og said...

Suwheet! Way to utterly miss the entire point of Christianity!

I will gladly beat anyone's ass, but I do so strictly for my own pleasure. Jesus might often prefer I not, but he's otherwise occupied.

Joel said...

Here's what we do. We gather up all the militant "Your imaginary friend is stupid" atheists and all the off-their-meds "rape the unbeliever" "Christians." We get them all together in one spot. With me so far?

Okay, here's the good part. We put them all together in one big room. Seal the door with big, heavy stones or something. I mean really seal it good. Leave them in there till one side exterminates the other side. Then for the winning side, we refuse to open the door. Just kinda forget that room even exists, forever. Probably shouldn't pick a room that's just off the foyer, because that would be inconvenient.

Who's with me? Who's bloody with me?

Anonymous said...

Who is this Jesus you speak of?

Desertrat said...

Why would anybody expect the Keyboard Kommandos to be limited to the gun boards? One of the downsides to the Internet is that any idea can be disseminated, no matter how idiotic.

Anonymous said...

By the un-logic of many of your readers, all Germans must have been enthusiastic Nazi's, right? All Christians are "haters." All black people smoke crack and mug people. All gun owners are just itching to bust a cap into someone's head, and finally, all tea-partiers are terrorists. Do I have that about right? If I claim (and even sincerely believe) that I am a tadpole, would you believe me? Then if I did something stupid, you'd likely condemn all tadpoles. How clever. Kentucky Jones

Nylarthotep said...

I consider religion(any and all) to be a sort of communicable disease of the mind

Hmm. I'm thinking Tam already addressed this type of opinion

pretty much par for the course for people talking out their butts on the internets

Note that the religious have a very similar view of Atheists.

Tam said...

Kentucky Jones,

"By the un-logic of many of your readers, all Germans must have been enthusiastic Nazi's, right? All Christians are "haters.""

Could you kindly quote the commenter who said that? I have re-read the fifteen comments before yours very carefully, and cannot find where that is even insinuated.

pax said...

Popehat's comments were right on target, and well said.

Too bad the other sort gets more attention.

Joe Allen said...

To call most atheists "unbelievers" is to do them a dis-service. For many of them, their belief in an unprovable nothing is as fervent and unshakable as a fundamentalist Christian's belief in an unprovable, dinosaur bone hiding Almighty.

And, as you note, they are often just as committed to sharing those beliefs at high volume, and converting the non-believer as any evangelical.

I've always maintained that agnosticism is the only intellectually honest result of a failure to be convinced by any existing theology.

Anonymous said...

People are free to worship--or NOT worship--whatever their little pointy heads choose.

My way of thinking is that we must recognize their RIGHT to worship as they please, and so long as they do not in any way infringe on my RIGHT to do likewise, live in peace one to another. We should always treat any and every other one with the same level of courtesy and respect as if we were dealing with our most beloved grandparent.

Until they come after me because I don't worship the same way they do--and then FIGHT'S ON!!!

wv: profau. I won't profau what you worship--or don't worship--as long as you don't profau mine.

cap'n chumbucket

The Grey Lady said...

Somewhat off topic but:

As a Canadian I want to apologize for the very existence of Margret Atwood's books. We inflicted her upon you, I am sorry the federal government stole my money to print books for that "freedom for those that think just like me", pseudo intellectual, self important popinjay.

Her, Celine Dion and Jim Carry, but I will accept thanks for Mike Myers, maple syrup and hockey. :O)

Anonymous said...

Tam, It seemed to be in the "tone" of some of the comments ("Crazy Christians," and Joel's proposal, are two examples). Upon a more careful read, I relize that the targeted group may have been the small percentage of fringe nut-jobs who also call themselves "Christians." The Bible clearly warns us there will be "wolves in sheeps clothing," you know. We should all keep in mind there is a certain small element of such "nut-jobs" in all groups, unfortunately. Are all cops honest and ethical? Are all Psychiatrists and Psychologists perfectly sane? One shouldn't condemn the entire group based on a small percentage of bad actors. That is all I am trying to say, but I have been known to state my case in an awkward manner at first attempt. Perhaps I am overly sensitive because I am a white, male, Christian. Please don't think I am feeling sorry for myself or asking for any sympathy. I am what I am with no regrets. It seems that being a member of any one of those three categories makes a person a conspicuous target these days for no particular reason that I can fathom. And somehow WE seem to be generally characterized as "haters and bigots." I wish more people could recognize and use a bit more self-control regarding their own biases, and that includes Christians. Can't we all just get along? Kentucky Jones. P.S. to Bubblehead Les: I am a former TM2,SS and plank-owner of USS Bluefish, SSN-675.

Lergnom said...

Joel;
Let's start with Bill Maher
Grey Lady;
Also take credit for various beers

Robert said...

"I must have been playing hooky on the day they covered "praying for the rape of the unbelievers" in Sunday school, but I confess that I have a hard time picturing kindly Mrs. Smith covering that, so maybe she just skipped that lesson."

They usually do skip over the part where Moses orders his followers to kill everyone in a village, but they don't, so he tells them "OK, you can keep all the virgins to distribute amongst yourseves, and save a few for the priests, but kill everyone else."

I couldn't care less about other peoples religions, as long as they're not using my tax dollars to subsidize it.

Kristopher said...

Bah. If you don't send yer $30 to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, you will be part of the Harvest on X-day.

No seat on the alien sex-goddess's flying saucers for you.

Anonymous said...

I wonder . has anyone heard of atheist protesting outside a mosque

Tam said...

"I wonder . has anyone heard of atheist protesting outside a mosque"

I've never heard of one protesting outside a church.

mongo78 said...

Speaking of Margaret Atwood - Can't remember how we got on the subject, but the significant other became quite annoyed with me this weekend when I characterized "The Handmaids Tale" as hysterical, paranoid feminist nonsense. How the f*** it ever won an Arthur C. Clarke award I have no idea.

Tam said...

mongo78,

"How the f*** it ever won an Arthur C. Clarke award I have no idea."

Because litcrits, even SF ones, are pretentious douchebags who value "art" over Art. Plot and character development aren't as important as novel word usage and sentence structure.

I've got a book in the works that's a surefire winner.

It reads "Gaia screams. Gaia screams. Gaia screams. Gaia screams. Gaia screams. (x317 pages)" and then the last page is blank, except for the word "LASER" in the center of the page.

I figure it's a lead-pipe cinch for at least a Campbell.

DirtCrashr said...

And Jeebus H. Chrysalis - what the hell is/does "gorramed" supposed to mean??

Matthew said...

I'd throw in that it came out when the literati were afraid of the rise of the ignorant Christian Right so lauding it was taking a bold academic stand against backwardness.

McThag said...

For me the issue with some atheists has not been what they believe; but what they are doing about that belief.

I don't want to be proselytized at. Not by Mormons, not by Jehova's Witnesses, not by Atheists.

If there is a God, He most certainly knows what it would take to get me a-worshippin'. To date, He has failed to do so.

However, just because I lack Faith, I don't see any reason to be an asshole about it to people who do; unless they come to my door proselytizing; but that's courtesy. I don't show up at their house confronting their Faith, I expect the same in return is all.

LissaKay said...

As a Christian, I unequivocally denounced such hateful speech made in the name of Christ. that, my friends, is what the 3rd of the 10 Commandments forbids. Not so much cussin' and swearin'. It is not for a us to judge whether a person is a Christian or not, for we cannot know their hearts. However, we shall know them by their fruits. 'Nuff said there.

I make it a policy not to argue or debate with non-believers or atheists or agnostics to try to convince them to see things my way. For one, they cling to their faith as strongly as I cling to mine, and nothing THEY say will convince me to see things their way. But I do want to address this:

I consider religion(any and all) to be a sort of communicable disease of the mind, making the religious unable to use reasoning and logical thought on certain subjects.

......

That being said, I'm very tolerant of religious people, as much as anyone else. I even respect the good ones, and their faith, and I can respect religion for helping people cope with trauma, and even admire people who dedicate their lives to helping others, in the name of their religion.


Really? Seriously? We're mentally ill but you respect us? You don't see the contradiction in these two statements?

and this ...

If there is a God, He most certainly knows what it would take to get me a-worshippin'. To date, He has failed to do so.


You are correct in this. When He is ready to turn you into a believer, it will happen. At a time and situation of His choosing. It's already been written. :-)

Anonymous said...

At least with J.R. "Bob" Dobbs you get triple your money back if you wind up in hell anyway. Pretty sweet deal.

John A said...

Questions -

1. If the "atheists" who object to religious symbols actually do not believe, why are they so fearful of the symbols? Slippery slope?

2. Are self-proclaimed "Christians" who only read Leviticus infringing on a trademark?

Stuart the Viking said...

The "I hope someone rapes you" girl has an open invitation to come and try it. Who knows, it might be fun. Nobody has tried to rape me in ages.

s

Drang said...

Compare/contrast with the common attitude towards "The Religion of Peace."

Tam said...

Drang,

Not to make light, but which "Religion of Peace" are we talking about? The one whose members shout "Death to the unbelievers!"?

Matthew said...

@tam,

Sooooooo, Methodists?

WV: worse. Really WV? You aren't even trying anymore.

Anonymous said...

At least Facebook lets one avoid serious mistakes when employing new staff!

mike

John B said...

I consider my religion and my genitalia to have the same rules.

Don't whip it out and wave it around, you'll just upset people.

That said, I'm with McThag, if God, or someone wants me to go to church, they gotta get me motivated to wake up on the day church is.

C'mon God, My roomies have this concept down pat!

parabarbarian said...

Are those commenters Real Christians ®? I don't really care. A religion is what its followers make of it.

John B said...

no! I think they're all out to prove they are ASS-Holier-Than-Thou!

Beaumont said...

I think it was Terry Pratchett who had one of his characters say, "If the atheist truly did not believe, he would have no need to deny."