Thursday, August 25, 2011

Oh, suck it up, buttercup.

Unless you've been doing a media fast in a sealed underground bunker for the last forty-eight hours or so, surely you are aware that there was an earthquake recently in the world.

No, I don't mean the big one in Colorado, which doesn't really matter since it's not ski season and therefore nobody's there right now, at least nobody that matters.

I mean The Quake. The Big One of 2011. The one that hit at the epicenter of everything and everybody frickin' important. The one that may have actually sloshed some vodka martini out of a congresscritter's lunchtime pick-me-up at the Article One American Grill or spilled whatever brand of kibble it is that they feed the First Portuguese Water Dog.

But don't worry, the media is on this story, and no expense will be spared to reconstruct the important infrastructure of America's beating heart:

(Found in my inbox. Posted it as soon as I caught my breath from laughing...)

Remember the 5.2 quake Indianapolis had back in '08? Or the 3.8 last December? Neither do we. (I had to look them up; I couldn't have pegged their dates within the nearest six months.)

The Japanese must've been watching the news in slack-jawed amazement the other day. Thank goodness that they're too polite to laugh at us in public.


Kim said...

I swear milk came out of my nose when I first saw that last night. Poor husband was asleep in bed beside me. If this much uproar happens now what would happen over a bigger one? Oy!

Keads said...

Wait.... You actually OPENED your Inbox?!?!?!?

The Freeholder said...

My Facebook friends and I have had a lot of fun with it. I was driving and totally missed it--just figured it was some more of "The Good Roads State".

Got back to work and I had to concentrate on missing all of those yellow puddles in the floor. Two people actually left because they "had to go home and check on things".

I work with a bunch of wimps.

Tam said...


"Wait.... You actually OPENED your Inbox?!?!?!?"

It's been known to happen. ;)

amcz said...

I felt it. The duration was absurdly short, only about 5 seconds. Had the same shaking lasted 30 seconds or more, I could see why people might be concerned, but this was pathetic.

lelnet said...

Don't even have to ask the Japanese. Just ask some Californians. Surely those DC lefties know a few of _those_...and unlike the Japanese, there's precious little risk they'll scruple overmuch about laughing their asses off.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

But I was FIRGHTENED! Don't judge me!

Anonymous said...

Here's the best summation of the tempest/teapot issue. (Note the image of the bald eagle promising to Remember.)

Jim said...

After the first second (which felt surprisingly like 9/11 when the Pentagon was hit, and did actually get my heart rate up) it was actually fun. Lifted my feet off the floor to see how far my chair would move. 4 inches. Yeah, I am an engineer. Why do you ask?


monkeyfan said...

Just wait for the uproar after Irene unleashes a squall or two on Mordor.

WV: troper
Watch out for the storm tropers.

Stuart van Zee said...

I was stationed at El Toro Marine Airbase in California for a few years so I have felt more than a couple earthquakes. My favorite was when a friend of mine was out of town and asked me to look in on his pregnant (~8mo.) wife to make sure she didn't need a ride to the store etc. while he was gone. As I was walking up their front walk one day, a fairly large earthquake (relative to the ones I had felt up to that point) hit so I sat down (hey, I'm from the midwest, the ground aint supposed to MOVE). As I was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for it to pass, I happened to look through the front screen door of my friend's house to see his wife in their living room, pregnant out to here (holds hand out in front of belly at arms length), standing on the coffee table like it was a surf board and riding it while singing the tune to "Wipeout".


Matt said...

Is the media making to much of the whole thing ? Hell yes. Am I sick of hearing about it ? Oh HELL yes.

But the people in Cali and elsewhere forget one thing. older buildings on the east coast aren't built to withstand earthquakes. Some of the nuke plants were built to withstand a 6.2 max.

I'm 47 and I've lived in Maryland my whole life and I've NEVER felt an earthquake until this week. I wasn't scared just confused for the 30 seconds or so that my chair was moving around. Am I over it now ? Yup, no PTSD here.

As far as the hurricane goes, I'm worried, but not overly so even though they're predicting the eye to pass close to or over Salisbury. I've been through them before and its a known quantity (as much as a hurricane can be).

Lasse said...

I read somewhere that is was just the founding fathers rolling over in their graves :-(

Ancient Woodsman said...

It was Obama's fault.

Anonymous said...

Many people have probably seen a brushfire, or a burning building, or have experienced severe weather. One might experience mild types of fire or bad weather, and have some frame of reference, if they were to encounter a more severe form of either fire or weather.

Would it be mistaken on my part to suppose that the majority of people East of the Mississipi, who haven't had what was previously one of their baseline frames of reference, i.e., the ground never moves beneath their feet, react with a little unfamiliarity to something they never felt before?

Mike James

Tam said...

Mike James,

This post is about the media reaction, actually.

Sebastian said...

I thought it was neat. We need to be able to better predict these things so earthquake parties can be arranged.

Joseph said...

I have no idea where this quake was as I'm a little too busy working my ass off right now so that overpriveleged young adults can take everything for granted. That said, I'm guessing DC or NYC from the tone and East Coast mentions. Maybe Boston.

Ruth said...

I was rather peeved over the immediate coverage of NYC and the capital, and yet it took me hours to track down anything talking about the little town closest the epicenter.....

Crotalus (Dont Tread on Me) said...



Did I mention that I'm from the People's Demokratik Republik of Kollyvornia? (and no, I ain't no frackin' leftie!)

Anonymous said...

What Matt said. And I don't know anyone who wouldn't get upset when their entire frame of reference starts shaking and ceiling tiles start falling on them as they sit at their desk. And I've got a three inch gash and fifteen stitches on my head to prove it.

Then I get home and find that half of my wife's china and curio cabinets are on the floor, looking like the cast off pile in a pottery factory.

No, it wasn't the big one, as the hippies in California like to say. However, for us, who haven't had a quake since WWII, it WAS a big one.

Just sayin'.


Old NFO said...

:-) WELL done!!!

Anonymous said...

The media lives primarily on the east coast so it would be big news to them that Gaia could attack them too.

That said, it was an interesting experience. My house shook like a dying washer-dryer; never knew it could do that.


Anonymous said...

Tonight we investigate the total lack of emergency response of to the east coast earthquake?

Where was FEMA? Where was EPA?
And what was Dick Chaneys role in all of this?


Anonymous said...

"Just wait for the uproar after Irene unleashes a squall or two on Mordor."

I doubt the rain will reach Chicago.

On the other hand, it may sprinkle on Hell on the Hudson.

Michael in CT said...

I didn't feel a thing and neither did my dog, but people 15 minutes north and northeast felt it here in CT. I guess it is a matter of perspective. I wonder how those in LA or San Diego would react if they suddenly got 2 feet of snow overnight? I'm guessing that 99% of them would lose their minds.

Kristophr said...

It only takes 2 inches of snow to shut down SoCal, Michael.

jed said...

No, I don't mean the big one in Colorado, which doesn't really matter since it's not ski season and therefore nobody's there right now, at least nobody that matters.

Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute there, girl! I'm here. :P

Not to mention the microbreweries.

Tam said...


"And I don't know anyone who wouldn't get upset when their entire frame of reference starts shaking..."

Surely you remember all the kvetching I did in April of '08 when the 5.4 tremblor hit Roseholme Cottage, or in December of '10 when we caught a 3.8?

Oh, wait... no you don't, because I slept through them. Plus nobody important who isn't named Peyton Manning lives in Indianapolis.


"Where was FEMA? Where was EPA?"

Barack Obama hates white people! ;)

Robert said...

Here in Winchester VA it shook our warehouse pretty good for a few seconds, and was not funny at the time while the roof sounded like it was going to come down. I think the roof of a Target in Culpepper collapsed. Some places in the world are designed to shake, but this area is decidedly NOT one of those. Now everyone is digging out their property insurance policies to see if they even cover damage from earthquakes or, as of Saturday, hurricanes. I mean, we don't live in Galveston or San Diego for a reason.

Remember the 5.2 quake Indianapolis had back in '08? Or the 3.8 last December? Neither do we.

No one cares about what happens in Indianapolis except for people that live in Indianapolis. DC is where 'the one' lives. And God forbid anything interfere with the MLK memorial dedication in a couple of days. The park service had to have a team of engineers certify that the half finished statue was still safe for people to look at from a thousand yard radius.

Frankly, it probably would not get as much press time if Indianapolis was utterly destroyed by a comet. The Newshour would do 2 1/2 minutes on the devastation, and then switch to a 22 minute in-depth report about why we need more food aid in Somalia. Drudge would put it in the top slot for 6 or 7 hours though.

Firehand said...

I can't help thinking that a bunch of the people who had fits over this would go nuts in Lawton: when the redlegs on Fort Sill start firing some of the big stuff, you can hear and feel it all over town.

Stretch said...

My childhood friend lives in Mineral, epicenter of 'quake. She was at Anchorage, AK in '64 for the 9.4 Good Friday earthquake. She's been have some rather bad (and surprising to her) flashbacks. To compound things her husband is a Viet-Nam vet and all the news and emergency service choppers have sparked some PTSD reactions.
The aftershocks have been playing hell with their nerves.

kx59 said...

Everybody west of CA has more fault lines under their feet than they are aware of. When they do break big, it will not go well, as all of the buildings around you are not designed to handle it.
I know the disaster mindset though. After days of running my ass off to prep for Hurricane Ike, I slept through most of it.

Borepatch said...

I blame the end of the Space Shuttle. Actually, it all makes sense:

1. We just retired the last of the Shuttles, which means that NASA is no longer StarTrak™, America's "High Speed Rail™ to the stars.

2. Space aliens notice, and take offense at our lack of interest, as expressed by generous public funding of the Astronaut bureaucracy.

3. Earthquakes ensure. Good thing we didn't really torque the Aliens off, or there might have been Zombie hordes, too.

4. Profit!

5. Did I mention that Global Warming is somehow related to the Space Aliens being mad at us? It's all very complicated and science, but you can rest assured that it's all peer reviewed.

Yeah, I'm in a mood. We need to mock these idiots until their names are household words and they can never ever again get a Government Grant.

WV: "dimsh" The first bit refers to dim, and the last to, well, you know.

Borepatch said...

Yeah, yeah, I meant "sciency".

Sigh. I lose IQ points every time I read the Newspaper.

WV" "Die in a fire screaming, you MSM bastards". Weird, seemed a little long for a CAPTCHA. I mean, I'm all for security and everything, but enough is enough.

Spud said...

Science keeps telling us that the New Madrid is going to rip one of these days. Maybe this was just a pre-shock....

Oh yeah, Science is to be ignored and bad.

Tam said...


There's a big difference between science and $cience.

Larry said...

Don't look at me, I slept through it.
Don't hate. I work nights.

Drang said...

As someone who lives on the Left Coast, a 5.9 is not actually all that mild a quake, especially in an area where many if not most buildings are decades or even centuries old; if the quake had lasted more than a few seconds, I'm sure we'd be reading about all kinds of damage, instead of blow-dry talking heads blathering about "DID YOU FEEL THAT?!"

I do admit I would giggle madly if FEMA HQ collapsed, even though it would prove nothing, other than that God is an Iron.

Pretty sure KX59 meant "everybody EAST of CA"...

WV: readand. Read and what?

Tam said...

"I do admit I would giggle madly if FEMA HQ collapsed..."

From your lips to God's ears.