Friday, August 05, 2011

Save A Soybean, Eat A Vegan.

Driving through Broad Ripple the other day, I ran up behind an elderly Volvo with a faded "HOPE" sticker and one that said "Vegetarians Taste Better" and I thought to myself, "Well, duh! Carnivores tend to be kinda greasy and stringy..."

The other bumper sticker asked "You wouldn't hook a puppy, so why would you hook a fish?" with a picture of what must be the world's dumbest Beagle lunging for a hook of a size normally used to land hard-fighting Great Whites. I thought this was a particularly ignorant bumper sticker, since any fool knows that the reason you hook fish is because they're too hard to shoot and the Fish & Game people tend to get bent out of shape when you use dynamite. ("Dynamite! The One Bait Fish Always Rise To!")


Bubblehead Les. said...

You know, if you need a out-of season Hippie Hunting Permit, I'm sure T-Bolt will be happy to send you the forms to get your Varmit Tag when he comes back from his Trip. ; )

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Hunting Liberals. Same difference, right?

elmo iscariot said...

I desperately want this to backfire on them. Dog Veal sounds like an idea whose time has come.

Honestly, I've never understood the "won't eat anything cute" mindset. I _want_ my food to be cute, not horrifying. Goslings look delicious. Cold-blooded creatures with milky, dead eyes that you need to drag out of the Deep with a hook and scrape the scales off of? No thank you.

Odysseus said...

faded "HOPE" sticker what a wonderful unintentional metaphor Mr. "France of the food-chain" gives us.

I'll have to look for someone else's faded Hope sticker and get a picture.

MonteG said...

"Vegetarians Are Delicious"

Right, that's why we eat them. Cows, for instance, are delicious!

MonteG said...

@elmo iscariot:
Ever seen the episode of family guy where Brian tries to convince everyone to vegetarian?

Outraged, Brian starts a support group, and decides to call it "The Quahog Animal Equal Rights League," to convince the town that the life of animals should be of equal value to humans. As the town citizens learn more about it, however, none of them are keen on changing their lifestyles if it means no processed meats and medical research on animals, and even become interested in how dogs taste after Brian mentions they are eaten in some cultures. Refusing to listen any further, they chase after Brian in an attempt to eat him.

RL said...

There's no comparing organic free-range hippy to those that're stacked up on top of each other in the cities force-fed for profit faux organic feed shipped in from Gaia knows where...Usually from some exploited peoples toiling in the fields to line some corporate fat cat's pockets.

Free-range Soylent Green is definitely the way to go. You can taste the love and pride that goes into it. Think of the children.

Jackboot globally, eat locally.

NotClauswitz said...

The best delicious Soylent Veal has to be a 12-year old Vegan-Virgin of either gender.

elmo iscariot said...


Ha! Awesome. Western dietary taboos against eating domestic mammals confuse the hell out of me. I mean, I wouldn't eat my dog, but a dog? Why not?

The thoroughly irrational and arbitrary taboo against eating insects, though, is sacrosanct.

Anonymous said...

As soon as I read Volvo I knew it wouldn't be good. What is the reasoning for old hippies buying old Volvos? Was it the Prius of the 60's


abnormalist said...

I fully encourage the eating of cruelty free, free range "happy animals". Fewer things have less cruelty than the cute runny babbits that I pop head shots with the 17HMR.

Woodchucks make great chili, are in season all year here, and also fall to the 17 nicely

Deer ofcourse provide a lot of protein in my area, taken by rifle, shotgun or bow.

I just need the bumper sticker for it now :-)

Jake (formerly Riposte3) said...

"Think of the children."

They're delicious!

Dave_H said...

The dog eating taboo? Let me 'splain it to you. It is easy enough to understand the way I see it. Dogs have been rolling with us for at least 15,000 years. Some scientist date the start cooperative relationship between man and canine at many thousands of years prior to that. Some folks happen to put dogs in a higher spot on the pecking order than other animals. Logical? Maybe not, but it is a fact that will not change.
I like dogs. I figure that even though not so many of them work for their supper any more, the past contributions of their kind earned them the spot we've given them.
Call me a soft headed dog lover if you care to. The only scenario where I'd eat a dog is if I had to.

Stuart the Viking said...

I was set-up on a blind date with a vegan years ago by some well meaning friends (they were dumb, but their hearts were in the right place). When we met, I gave her a little "friend hug" (back then my friends were all huggy people, it was habbit) and I emediately smelled it on her. "Your a vegetarian!" I said... "How did you know that?" she asked. I didn't have the heart to tell her that her very scent had given me the conflicting urges to either EAT her, or beat and rape her, and the internal conflict was keeping her safe... for the molment. Not that I would have actually done either of those horrible things mind you, I am in control of my animal urges, they aren't in control of me. I just recognise them for what they are.

Instead, I took her to a steakhouse for dinner. She cried into her salad the whole evening while I ate my steak extra-rare (blood dripping).

Those friends never set me up on another blind date after that... go figure.


elmo iscariot said...

The dog eating taboo? Let me 'splain it to you. It is easy enough to understand the way I see it. Dogs have been rolling with us for at least 15,000 years...

I should rephrase.

I understand the taboo against eating domestic mammals. They're more valuable alive than on your plate, so don't eat 'em!

I don't grok the taboo. I have no sense of revulsion about eating Fido, so long as he isn't somebody's pet.

Again, though, the much less rational bug taboo is one I intend to observe into the grave if at all possible.

NotClauswitz said...

You may observe the bug-Taboo, but the bug-taboo doesn't observe you. Be aware that our Benevolent Robot Food Masters mix the SoylentVegan with whatever falls off the rafters into the FDA-approved % vat...

global village idiot said...

Dog, prepared in the style of the Koreans, tastes like a sort of stringy pork-roast.

Now you don't have to wonder.

Now that I come to think upon it, all the non-swimmy animals I've ever PURPOSELY (see above) eaten were vegetarian.

I get the point of the sticker, and I wish people weren't so coarse in the quality of their discourse. Sorry, but a testimonial for the taste-qualities of other peoples' secretions/excretions/etc. is NOT the way to win me over to your cause. It just comes across like an ad:

Eloi - It's What's For Dinner!

There may be health benefits to eating rabbit-food. I'm no expert so I won't deny it. And yet, I find ethical vegetarians - those who until a few generations ago were known as Pythagoreans (he was famous for his dietary edicts far more than his theorem which was previously attributed to Euclid) - profoundly baffling.

We are the only species on the planet with the possibility to act in any fashion divergent from our genetic wiring; and yet, perversely, because of this, ethical vegetarians consider other animals morally equivalent.



Dave_H said...

I'm a big softy when it comes to dogs. What can I say, I cried when old yeller got shot. Why other cute animals get a pass from some people I can't say. but the dog eating taboo, I get that.

Tam said...


"Eloi - It's What's For Dinner!"

zomg, I LOL'ed and LOL'ed!

You internet is in the mail. :D

Kevin said...

Gerry wrote: What is the reasoning for old hippies buying old Volvos?

It's either that or the VW Microbus.

If I put bumperstickers on my car, I think I'd like one that said "Eloi - It's What's for Dinner"

I doubt one in a hundred people on the road would understand it.

WV: dredin - I'm dreadin the coming economic apocalypse, but strangely I want it to start as soon as possible. The anticipation is killing me.

Buzz said...

gvi said:

"Eloi - It's What's For Dinner!"

That needs to be on a shirt. PRONTO!

cafepress is ready and waiting....

CGHill said...

One hacked-together bumper-sticker simulation, coming right up.

wv: "bishov." "There's a dead bishov on the landing!"

Anonymous said...

Gerry said: "As soon as I read Volvo I knew it wouldn't be good. What is the reasoning for old hippies buying old Volvos? Was it the Prius of the 60's?"


Hippies buy Volvos because:

1) Volvos are made by enlightened Swedish socialists.
2) Volvos are environmentally friendly because they "last forever".
3) Volvos are the "safest car on the road", and since hippies are all about the idea that "safety is in the object, not in the person in possession of said object", they buy the "safest object". (which is, not coincidentally, one of the reasons they are so opposed to owning guns)
4) Hippies buy old Volvos only because they can't afford a new one. Age is most definitely NOT a factor.

Gerry - did you by any chance happen to have worked at RTX back in the 80's and 90's?


Old NFO said...

I do have a recipe for dog... :-)

Kristophr said...

I guess the reason they used a beagle was that they didn't like the ridicule they got for Sea-Kittens.

Anonymous said...

You ought to move to Vermont. I understand they have a "Fish Shooting" season there. IIRC they climb into trees and shoot downwards at fish they see in lakes and ponds and such.

Sounds like fun!!!

fast richard said...

Save a Soybean...

Free Range Soylent Green...

Eloi, It's...

So many ideas for t-shirts. I already have "Meat is Murder ... tasty tasty murder." and "I like big bucks, and I cannot lie", but now I want these others too.

Tam said...

"Meat is murder, and murder tastes good."

Leaddog said...

RE Fido feasting: My favorite Chinese cookbook "101 Ways to WOK Your Dog"

RE Insecta eating: I ate the worm at the bottom of a bottle once. Does that count? I really don't remember too much about drinking the whole bottle in a futile attempt to save him...

Thornharp said...

Just a sample of one here, but my mom's 1985 Volvo 740 had as much room under the hood as my first car, a '56 Chevy BelAir. The Volvo was laid out better and was easier to work on, and was almost as crash-hardy.

For the subset of hippies who do their own wrenching, this may explain the attraction.

Standard Mischief said...

Gerry wrote: What is the reasoning for old hippies buying old Volvos?

Also, they're from a nuclear free country or something.

The People's Republic of Takoma Park, Maryland use to spend four times as much to get their Volvo police cars rather than pool together with Montgomery county and buy Fords or something.

global village idiot said...

Pity it has to be Yvette Mimieux getting gobbled up on your bumper sticker, Mr. Hill.

Can't you find a some unshaven Gender Studies major to substitute? They're thick as fleas at poetry slams and just as tasty (marinate with teriyaki overnight and you almost can't taste the patchouli).

Other than that, lookin' good!


Anonymous said...

". . subset of hippies who do their own wrenching . ."

That subset is pretty much indistinguishable from '0'.


To a hippie, things mechanical are instruments of the devil, and abominations before gaia, made just barely acceptable if created by enlightened fellow travelers.


Anonymous said...

Soylent Green…
…It’s Vegetarian!*

*No ANIMALS were harmed in making this food product.

(Sorry about the uppercase, I can't figure how to comment using italics)

- Mongol

Anonymous said...

- Mongol:

Look under the comment box where you type your comment, and you'll see the line:

"You can use some HTML tags, such as . . ."

The second "tag" listed is for italicizing (it is typed with a "left carrot", the letter "i", and a "right carrot").

To italicize a comment:

1) type the italicizing "tag" as shown ("left carrot", "i", "right carrot")
2) type the comment you want italicized
3) type the italicize tag again, but this time put a slash "/" between the "left carrot" and the "i".

Voila - italicized comment.

If you're not sure how it works, type it up and try it out using the blue PREVIEW button next to the PUBLISH button. It will usually let you know if you've screwed up. :-)


Julie said...

The only reason i'ld refuse to eat dog is the same reason i'ld refuse to eat fox.

Carnivores / omnivores aren't as nice (IMO) as herbivores.

Now if you could convince a dog to only eat grains / grass for a month or two then i reckon it would be pretty yummy.

og said...

Longtime proud morlock here. Not the living underground part though.

Lergnom said...

An elderly relative gave me her '75 Volvo 244 in exchange for chauffeur duties. It had everything my long lost '65 Galaxie 500 did, except the big V-8, which I would have gladly swapped in, if I could have found one. I'd buy a Volvo at the right price.
Stay safe