Unless you've been doing a media fast in a sealed underground bunker for the last forty-eight hours or so, surely you are aware that there was an earthquake recently in the world.
No, I don't mean the big one in Colorado, which doesn't really matter since it's not ski season and therefore nobody's there right now, at least nobody that matters.
I mean The Quake. The Big One of 2011. The one that hit at the epicenter of everything and everybody frickin' important. The one that may have actually sloshed some vodka martini out of a congresscritter's lunchtime pick-me-up at the Article One American Grill or spilled whatever brand of kibble it is that they feed the First Portuguese Water Dog.
But don't worry, the media is on this story, and no expense will be spared to reconstruct the important infrastructure of America's beating heart:
Remember the 5.2 quake Indianapolis had back in '08? Or the 3.8 last December? Neither do we. (I had to look them up; I couldn't have pegged their dates within the nearest six months.)
The Japanese must've been watching the news in slack-jawed amazement the other day. Thank goodness that they're too polite to laugh at us in public.