Saturday, August 27, 2011

The wood police.

I swear to Mises, if Ayn Rand had put a scene in Atlas Shrugged where the federal environmental cops were raiding musical instrument manufacturers because they weren't complying with federal wood-labeling laws, critics would have howled with derision at the fanciful and unrealistic scenarios she was making up to ham-handedly hammer her point home.

This is the part where I am grabbing you by your lapels, shaking you and yelling "Now will you people listen?"
"There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power government has is the power to crack down on criminals. When there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws." -Dr. Floyd Ferris in Atlas Shrugged
Seriously.

Federal laws get ever more ridiculous, like that scene in the Monty Python movie where the Knights Who Say "Ni!" demand that Arthur cut down the largest tree in the forest with a herring. Except, where Arthur flatly told them it couldn't be done and he wouldn't do it, we just grab the fish and say "Duh, okay," and trudge off into the forest to try and comply. As Eric wrote at Classical Values back in '09:
I think it is no accident that they make the loss of freedom as boring as it is possible to make it. They think this will make most people go away, and they are right. Only a maniac (or someone with a special interest) would actually spend his time reading this bill. There is probably not one member of Congress who read it, but then, they say that about all the monstrous bills cranked out by this monstrous government which every last one of our founders would decry as precisely what they were trying to avoid when they wrote the Constitution.
But nobody's going to say boo about this, because it's about plants and trees, and that's nature. And we'll do anything for nature. Anything.

Is there any possible law or regulation, any edict from the Palaces on the Potomac, that would result in, not just massive noncompliance the way that 55mph speed limits and marijuana laws do, but a collective and unanimous laugh in their face? Derision on the front page of every paper? Mockery on every newscast? Open, public defiance?

Welp, gotta run. Gotta sharpen up my herring and get ready for the day.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

The problem is that when you laugh in their face, they send the SWAT Team. If you survive that, you're sent to federal prison for 5 years.

jetaz said...

It appears that Congress has decided that they can "of right make laws to bind us in all cases whatsoever."

Further, it is clear that they "...believe that the divine Author of our existence intended a part of the human race to hold an absolute property in, and an unbounded power over others..."

I am beginning to fear that we shall need to write a similar document in the near future.

Ausprepper said...

The solution is to live far enough away from their nonsense that you can watch it collapse in a screaming mess without being dragged in.
Haul your butt to a safe distance, where the Feds aren't keen to do the extra miles just to risk another Ruby Ridge.

Just my $0.02

dr mac said...

You know when your baseball bat makes you a felon you have entered the bizzaro world.

Lewis said...

Jerry Pournelle has been banging on lately about the bunny inspectors. Apparently the Department of Agriculture has inspectors who check up to make sure that magicians who use rabbits in their acts have the proper federal licenses. Hey, how does that "long train of abuses" line go again? I didn't have any herring in the larder, so I'm going to have to see if I can substitute smelt.

Tokarev said...

Being there and watching that go down right in front of me really showed me(yet, once again) the silliness of a lot of our federal rules & regulations.

So, according to the fine print of this addmenment, the wood stocks on our rifles, shotguns & handguns are illegal?

rickn8or said...

Don't forget, the whole thing with Randy Weaver started over 3/8" inch of wood that wasn't on the end of the shotgun stock.

And Waco started over a bump trigger.

RHT447 said...

Yup, the day is comming.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw3RiMdS7sE&sns=fb

Stretch said...

I'm sure large 5 or 6 digit donations to Teh 0ne's 2012 campaign fund and Eric Holder's personal retirement fund will make the charges go away. That and allowing the workers to unionize.

Nathan said...

What caliber herring for the largest tree in the forest, Tam?

wv: carat. That's kind of weighty.

Brian J. said...

If you've seen any prosecutions of the Lacey Act, they're all this goofy and all about ensnaring businessmen who don't have all their forms right.

It's not that Congress is making laws enabling this; Congress merely makes blanket laws to empower the bureaucrats to go forth and do what they may.

og said...

Rands predictions were weak, in the main. she had no clue how bad it would get.

No, its always been filling the heads of fools full of ludicrous and untebable "solutions" that i objected to. Id love to see anyone "shrug" their way out of any of this.

og said...

Ah, untenable. Blasted android touch screen.

Bubblehead Les. said...

First, for Everyone to laugh in their Faces, the news must be put in front of their Faces. But since it Behooves the Lamestream Media to Perpetuate this Silliness, I doubt it will happen soon.

Second, even if you Screamed from the Rooftops on every form of Communication there is,including Semaphore, it still wouldn't matter, because the Sheeple will whine about why their favorite Sports Team/Reality Show/Morning DJ/Game Show/Comedy Show is being interrupted by this "Crap."

Thirdly, this can be proven by the Political Polling. 40-45% of the Voting Zombies would, in spite of every piece of Economic Crap that has hit the Fan over the last 2 years, STILL keep the Anointed One in Office.

The Reality of the State of the Republic is this: Keep Your Powder Dry and Your Body Armor Close because most of our Fellow Citizens are IDIOTS and you CAN'T FIX STUPID!

Robert Langham said...

They are SWAT-teaming raw milk producers as well.

Newbius said...

@Claire Wolfe: Is it time yet?

Anonymous said...

Ebony fore end cap on my rifle?

Maybe they will end up taking from my cold dead hand.

Gerry

The Jack said...

Stretch exactly.

C.F. Martin & Company Gibson's main competitor is headed by a big democrat donor. And despite using the same woods, he didn't get raided.

http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/126897/

Selective enforcement of the law and mass criminalization sure are a great combination?

Anonymous said...

" . . . Is there any possible law or regulation, any edict from the Palaces on the Potomac, that would result in, not just massive noncompliance the way that 55mph speed limits and marijuana laws do, but a collective and unanimous laugh in their face? Derision on the front page of every paper? Mockery on every newscast? Open, public defiance?

Why yes. Yes, indeed there is (was). Admittedly, the newspapers and broadcasters didn't participate in the open public defiance, but . . .

I was in L.A. when they tried to outlaw outdoor charcoal barbeques. Threats were made by all the appropriate agencies, and dutifully broadcast by every TV station, promising that if you fired up a charcoal barbeque, you would be guilty of a chargeable offense, and authorities would be looking for any tell-tale wisps of smoke. Stern orders were issued by all the TV Ken and Barbie newsreaders to report anyone committing the heinous crime of using a charcoal barbecue to the appropriate authorities.

The day the law went into effect, grocery stores sold out of charcoal, lighter fluid, steak, hamburger, hot dogs, buns, steak sauce, and a variety of condiments.

Every single barbecue in the greater L.A. basin was lit, and you could smell cooking meat everywhere. It was probably the biggest outdoor barbeque in the history of the planet.

Not sure, but I think they revoked the law the next day.

BoxStockRacer

Narra Gansett said...

@ jetaz - "I am beginning to fear that we shall need to write a similar document in the near future."

Just change the date on the first one and you'll be most of the way there...

DJ said...

"They are SWAT-teaming raw milk producers as well."

Robert, can you elaborate? I was raised up on a dairy farm, and so this interests me, but I've never read anything about it.

Joe in PNG said...

Thanks to this bit of chicken droppings, any guitars I've built here in PNG must stay in PNG. Even if I used scrap building materials, it doesn't matter. So, that fretless I was thinking of taking back to the states? Nope.

It's like they're trying to find new ways of pissing new groups of people off.

staghounds said...

First they came for the Gibsons...

Joanna said...

Second, even if you Screamed from the Rooftops on every form of Communication there is,including Semaphore, it still wouldn't matter, because the Sheeple will whine about why their favorite Sports Team/Reality Show/Morning DJ/Game Show/Comedy Show is being interrupted by this "Crap."

Nail on the head -- most folks don't care as long as they're comfortable. The trick is to make sure they blame the other guy for interrupting that comfort.

Firehand said...

Never used the stuff myself, but when I was a knifemaker I saw a bunch of warnings on the use of fossil ivory; it seems that a lot of Fish & Game assholes don't care if you have proof that the ivory on your knife came from a 10,000-year-old fossil, they consider it the same as ivory from a current elephant and will screw you over for using it.

Wondered at the time if it was simple overzealous idiocy, or a deliberate attempt to keep people from using ANY ivory-type stuff; I'm leaning toward the latter.

Ancient Woodsman said...

Huh. All this time I thought I was "the wood police".

Have I been doing it wrong all these years? I didn't think so...as thankfully it is apparent that the "woods police" is a far different thing from the "wood police". Thankful we are for that little "s".

And yes, I do know the distinction - Mrs. AW works in high-grade wood exports and so there is a familiarity in the AW household with many of the bizarre regulations on wood around this globe.

Good post. Scary, but good.

greener121 said...

I had to borrow some of your post and put on facebook......the end feels like it is coming in my lifetime.

Kristopher said...

DJ: google up raw milk underground.

The feds are trying hard to stamp out raw milk sales, and the organic food folks are going underground.

DJ said...

"The feds are trying hard to stamp out raw milk sales, and the organic food folks are going underground."

Astounding. I had no idea this was going on.

I dearly love the taste of cold, raw milk. I wasn't raised on it, even though producing it was my family's business. My mother insisted on pasteurized products.

But I would be very careful if I were after some. Cows are among the filthiest animals around and keeping the milking process clean is tough.

But it's none of the goddamned gubmint's business what you put in your own body.

Tam said...

DJ,

"But it's none of the goddamned gubmint's business what you put in your own body."

From your lips to God's ears...

Old NFO said...

Gotta agree with Rickn8or, and Jack's point is valid too... What they can't legislate, they regulate, then over enforce to 'scare' the sheep into line... sigh

Jayson said...

As for the sheeple, i say that we tell them to pick up a rifle and fight or gtfo.

Larry said...

And then, you must get another shrubbery, and arrange it with the first shrubbery to create a two-tiered effect...
And you sharpen your herring with a sand(paper) shark.

Firehand said...

Speaking of idiot regulations: http://ace.mu.nu/archives/320670.php#320670
Even the EPA’s own statements on the issue should give Americans pause: It has claimed the new regulations could save up to $100 billion per year on healthcare expenditures by 2020, yet the EPA also acknowledges that the compliance costs to business could be as high as $90 billion by 2020.

Are the standards realistic?

... the proposed 60 parts per billion standard is so strict, that even areas of Yellowstone National Park may not be in compliance. To the extent that some areas will be affected by ozone emitted elsewhere (even outside the United States), it may prove literally impossible to comply with the draconian new regulations.

Add that to the threat to power gen in TX and other places...

DJ, on the milk raids,
http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/125619/

Stuart the Viking said...

"What they can't legislate, they regulate, then over enforce to 'scare' the sheep into line..."

I must respectfully disagree. The sheep aren't scared at all. They are oblivious. They have no idea it's even going on. Its people like you and me (the people who DO pay attention) that they are trying to either scare into submition or inprison. The sheep are too busy watching whatever happens to be the TV drama crap of the day to even pay attention.

s

Anonymous said...

Well well well, I wasn't sure if I should laugh that the pinko commie artists were getting crapped on first or worried because I have some Ebony (theoretically filipino) escrima sticks by Sandata Crafts, as well as a Panawal Khukri from the Khukri House whose handle wood is unidentified, but hard and dark and possibly ebony. And how do you document your woods, and provided the maker has the docs will the end purchaser? And are you aware that in most third world countries the officials will create any "authenticating" document you'd care to have for every day low low prices? I should contact the Brataslavan government and ask them to make me "authentic" documents saying that these are all made of genuine Martian Booberwood, and imported by John Carter holdings, Tars Tarkas CEO.

And I usually sign, but don't want to be probulated over $150 worth of sticks and knives, no telling what I'd do with them

Joe in PNG said...

I wonder-has banning anything ever worked? Has there ever been a single occasion where banning (behavior or item) ever produced the result of (behavior or item) going away?

fabricdragon said...

if you want a good read, that gives you a pretty good over view on the regulations on plant material? read "Orchid Fever". you see, plants were added as a rider to the endangered species act, making plant parts (like a leaf cutting or seed) which doesn't hurt the plant identical under law to an elephant tusk...
i own orchids.... its something we have been worried about for years.

Anonymous said...

"DJ, on the milk raids,
http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/125619/"


That's California, ain't it? Control freaks on steroids ...

Secesh said...

I read on another blog that this was about enforcing a law from India, not a federal law.

Gnarly Sheen said...

"I read on another blog that this was about enforcing a law from India, not a federal law."

This was the same thing I had read as well, I think it came from Gibson's CEO.

Ordinarily, I'd take anything from a company's CEO with a pound of salt. When it comes to the government, however, I'd believe the devil first.

Tam said...

Secesh,

"I read on another blog that this was about enforcing a law from India, not a federal law."

It's about a federal law that says that we will consider it a felony to use woods that are protected by other country's laws.

In other words, if it's a felony in India to use Indian Ju-Ju Wood to make harpsichord frames, and you're caught making harpsichord frames with Indian Ju-Ju Wood in Menominee Wisconsin, well...

holocryptic said...

Seems the MostlyCajun link is broken...

Justthisguy said...

You people have gotten on my nerves. I mean, y'all have provoked me into opening the cabinet in which I keep my 25-5, and making sure that the cylinder latch works correctly, and thinking about just how many rounds of .45 Colt Silvertip I have left.

I am not kidding. Mostly, I leave the piece alone from month to month. I just felt the need to do a dry function check, y'know, it just came over me!