Friday, March 23, 2007

Blog Stuff: Things That Should Not Surprise Anyone (But Probably Will)

Memes are what you write about when you don't have anything to write about. ColtCCO was kind enough to provide this one to fill the sucking vacuum that is my creativity this morning. The topic is "Things that should not surprise anyone (but probably will.)" Here's my list:

1) The original of any entertainment form is usually more entertaining than any spinoffs.

If it was originally a novel, the movie probably won't be as good. If it was originally a TV show, the novel probably sucks. If it was originally a game, anyone who signs off on a book or movie project should be shot (cf. Doom: The Movie). The Uncanny X-Men is a series of usually entertaining (if ham-handedly earnest) comic books. X-Men was a special effects-driven summer blockbuster that was at least mildly interesting. If there's a novelization of the X-Men movie, and I'm sure there is, it probably ranks right up there with the New York Times as a primo aid for teaching the parakeet to read. Bladerunner, a movie only slightly based on the novella Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, is the exception that proves the rule.

2) People are dumber than an acre of fungus.

By definition, half the people you meet every day are dumber than average. Thanks to the statistical magic of the bell curve, maybe one in eight qualifies for the appellation "brightish". This goes a long way toward explaining why people are forever engaging in stupid, foolhardy stunts, like pulling out in front of you in traffic, or voting Democrat.

3) Despite containing eight essential vitamins and minerals, Froot Loops are not actually good for you. In fact, they barely qualify as "food".

4) Actors are not their roles, and vice versa.

Mel Gibson has only a nodding acquaintance with Freeedomm!, and doesn't care whether you have any or not. The real Vasily Zaitsev looked like a Mr. Potatohead that had come out on the short end of thirteen rounds with Iron Mike Tyson, not like a metrosexual Brit actor with a sensitive accent.

5) Just because you tore off the mattress tag, it doesn't make you a cell leader in the revolution.

It's actually perfectly legal for you to rip it off, Patrick Henry; the legalese is directed at the retailer.

I am only slightly less loathe to pass on memes than I am communicable diseases, however if this train of thought appeals to your warped sense of humor, feel free to blog on it yourself. I'm sure there are quite a few chuckles left to be milked out of this particular cow...

EDIT: The torch has been taken up by WeerdBeerd and The Hessian.


Anonymous said...

No CCA Ball Caps? Ok, I'll settle for a link to a CCA T-Shirt then *honey*!(ducking and diving for cover...)


Tam said...


Tell 'em Tam sent you. :)

(Note to self: Need web-clickable purchasinf for stylish CCA logowear.)

Rustmeister said...

But what if you remove the tag and BURN it?

Sigivald said...

Yes, I'm right there with you on #5.

The tags say, right on them that the purchaser can remove them.

Joking about it ain't funny, it's stupid. And regardless of what some comedians think, there is a difference between the two.

Alcibiades said...

Fruit Loops and all other cereal lack vitamin "meat". Steak Loops, Bacon-O's, Glazed Gams, and Honey Frosted Meaties are all superior.

T.Stahl said...

Jumped on the train already...

Anonymous said...

But Crunch-berries really are a food group.

Anonymous said...

To take the first one to the extreme, the original short story of Ender's Game beats out the novel, which in turn beats out the successive universe of novels.

The mattress tag has been reworded recently. I've slept on mattresses feom which it read as tho I was prohibited from removing the tag.