Thursday, April 09, 2009

Sword control now!

Metro Police say about 1 a.m., an elderly man and a younger man got into a sword fight in a house in the 5200 block of North Raceway.
These sword-wielding maniacs are out of control!

Of course, the sword nuts will claim that if swords are outlawed, only outlaws will have swords, and that swords don't kill people; deranged RenFest nerds do.


Mark Alger said...

There can be only one.

Was there dry lightning observed shortly thereafter?

Or were the participants forced to withdraw? "Ours is not a battle for other eyes."


Nathan Brindle said...

Strangely enough, one of our favorite pharmacists at CVS 86th and Ditch was attacked outside the store by a nutball with a sword several years ago.


Police later fatally shot said nutball when he refused to drop his weapon.

The pharmacist recovered just fine and is still working there today.

Mr. Fixit said...

Ah! The time for The Gathering is near.

Mr Fixit

Somerled said...

Well, if the lights didn't short, lightning didn't strike, and the windows are still intact in the 'hood, we can assume the Immortals are not holding a convention in Indy.

I'm down to the last 200 small-pistol primers. If the suppliers don't come through, I might have to put an edge on my 1860 cavalry saber.

Jeff the Baptist said...

The sad thing is that Britian has passed extensive sword laws now too.

knirirr said...

There are indeed some (completely useless and annoying) UK anti-sword laws. There's some info. in the sidebar here:
The article doesn't mention the sword but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened to be a katana, the favourite sword of nutters.

Mikee said...

"I used a swing blade. Some people call it a Kaiser blade, I call it a swing blade, mmmmhhhmmmmmmm."

You can have my hookbilled ditch weed tool when you pry it out of my cold, dead garage barrel o' tools.

Posted only because the first catchphrase that entered my mind when I read the post was used by the first commenter.

rick said...

It was probably an assault sword - there ought to be a ban! Military style swords in the hands of ignorant so-and-so's! Blood in the streets! Old, I mean, Old Europe sword whacking melee's, where sell swords ran amuck! Register members of SCA now!

We need a database with the cutting profile of each sword! Swords must be engineered to leave a unique number in the wounds of the victims!

Ooh, I think I messed my pants....excuse me, will you?

reflectoscope said...

Sword control means both hands! (For the claymores, anyway)


kbarrett said...

I figured the probability of a Highlander reference in comments was probably a bit higher than 100%.

Sarah ( said...

I can't believe none of you have mentioned THE CHIIIIIILDREN yet. Won't anyone think of getting these awful, destructive, lethal swords off the street before they hurt THE CHIIIIIIILDREN?

*shriek, shriek, dab tear-filled eyes, shriek, pose for camera*

Anonymous said...

Upon careful review, Indianapolis Metro Police Department declared the sword "unimpressive."

IMPD then were dispatched to combat the threat of yuppies in coffee shops in Broad Ripple carrying guns.

Shootin' Buddy

KurtP said...

Swords, they'll f*cking kill you!

Anonymous said...

KurtP, I am now frightened; very frightened.

Say, where can U get a coupla those bad MoFo's. They look to be quite useful. So they'll prolly be banned big time, now.

Then they can have my swords,only when they pry them from out of my cold dead hands.

Actually, the Cold Steel Naval Dirk looks just about right for backup, close-quarters household use. You know, like for when the zombies get past the Quad.50, that points down the stair well?

I'll bet Nancy Pelosi makes the chef pre-cut her steak into bites,in the kitchen, before having it served to her. Ain't NO ONE getting one of those horrid sharp steel thing-ys near HER Precious Hide.

'Cause ya know,they just have a life of their own and will jump right off the table and ... OMG, WTF will one those things do when it gets loose from trained and registered control???????

I suppose the New Sword Act could be called Caesar's Law, JIC someone[s] in the Senate start to really think things thru.

undisio -- how a unarmed Auntie feels, after being mugged by six eleven year old thugs.

J t R, rejoicing in sharp things.

Matt G said...

Update here.

My friend Bill and I, in our freshman year, were on the university fencing team. Can you believe that the damned Union staff kicked us out of the Union for practicing our fencing in the corridors? Bastards. That was a particularly cold fall, and I wore a Blackwatch tam and an oilcloth duster a lot. Wearing a full beard and with a foil tucked in my belt under the duster, I was, quite simply, the biggest geek crossing campus.

mts1 said...

You don't necessarily have to live by the sword to die by it, like that poor lady who tried to break up the sword fight found out to her demise.

FatWhiteMan said...

We really must close the Renaissance Festival Loophole.

Cossack in a Kilt said...

Stay away from the Deepeeka swords, they're not battle ready at all.

Windlass generally has good tempered steel, you'll need to choose the sharpening option for $18.

The Hanwei's are generally good, but their sharpening is spotty.

Del Tin? High quality but unsharpened---break out your files.

If you want to go all tactimal, check out this line from Gus Trim: Unfortunately, I think he's shut down production on these, but he works with Christian Fletcher (at, unsurprisingly, and you could probably sweet talk him into making you one anyway.

Umm, is my geek showing?

J.R.Shirley said...

"swords don't kill people; deranged RenFest nerds do."

There it is, folks.

Sigivald said...

What about deranged Ninja-wannabes?

They're the real dangers - they tend to have functional katanas, while the worst sort of renfair dweeb will have something that isn't even usable.

("What do you mean this 15 pound claymore isn't authentic or useful? It's so big, like an anime hero's sword!")