Sunday, December 13, 2009

I'm the only one in this room qualified to make stuff up.

An inside source at the NYPD offered an explanation for why the Times Square Gunman's weapon malfunctioned:
A Times Square bloodbath was narrowly avoided because the machine-pistol-toting thug who fired at a cop flipped the gun on its side like a character out of a rap video, causing the weapon to jam after two shots, law-enforcement sources said yesterday.

When scam artist Raymond "Ready" Martinez held the MAC-10-style gun parallel to the ground, it caused the ejecting shells to "stovepipe," or get caught vertically in the chamber, the sources said. The gun is designed to be fired only in a vertical position.
Well, obviously this is the straight skinny, since it came from a "law-enforcement source", right?

Allow me to offer an alternative explanation: The gun malfed because it was a wretched, pulsating ball of crap.

The cheap, closed-bolt copies of the MAC-10 and KG-9 are made primarily to look cool; actually functioning is lower on the priority list. With most I've seen, firing a full magazine without a stoppage of one sort or another is a noteworthy event, and it doesn't matter whether the gun was held upside down, sideways, or clamped in a Ransom Rest.

Thank goodness that style is more important than substance when criminal lowlifes go stolen gun shopping.


Joseph said...

I've no idea why any law enforcement would offer up that info. Now all the street assassins are going to be holding their guns correctly and crime will sky rocket.

We need sensible speech laws to prohibit the kinds of mass murders this sort of reckless talk will surely lead to.

Will Brown said...

One supposes Rx was in another room when this title popped into your head. :)

Yes, I know Tam was commenting on the quality of the reporting covering this almost-incident. The juxtiposition of post titles simply cried out for notice.

JS said...

Yup, a friend of mine a few years ago on a whim purchased one of those closed bolt MAC-10 copies because it looked cool. Let's see... 3 broken firing pins, some other crucial piece broken that slips my mind now, and untold jams and stovepipes later, he mercifully sold it to another unsuspecting sap who just "had to have one" even though my friend told him it wasn't reliable in any sense of the word.

Oh well, every criminal should be given one, our streets would be safer. I like the sideways comment by the cops though, makes me laugh since I have first had experience with one, and can attest to Tam's analysis, they are unreliable junk that decide to stop shooting no matter how you hold them.


Anonymous said...

How is "MAC-10 clone malfunctions" even newsworthy? Coming soon at the NY Post: "Sun rises in East" followed by a multi-part investigative series entitled "Water: Wet."

TJP said...

I made the mistake of attempting to read the Post article. "High-powered" weapon, my ass. It must suck knowing that at any moment, your talents could be bested by a fifth-grader with a copy of Print Shop Pro.

Here's really what happened: the douchebag had less experience shooting a low-powered pistol cartridge from an overweight, let's-pretend handgun, than he did beating women--so he turned it sideways with a loose grip and limp-wristed it.

Katie said...

Instead of gun "buy-backs" they ought to offer "Mac-10 swaps-outs" in the most crime-ridden neighborhoods. If someone waves a Mac-10 at you and demands your can haggle a bit before complying.

Loki1776 said...

I like this WCBS story where another Only One describes it as "a very sophisticated, very lethal weapon."

Brian Dale said...

Joseph is right; what was that cop thinking?

Quoth Loki1776:
I like this WCBS story where another Only One describes it as "a very sophisticated, very lethal weapon."

Well, under a powerful microscope, a stick is also "very sophisticated." Furthermore, just look at how many people have been killed with sticks.

OK, I'm reaching. Good one, Loki.

Brian Dale said...

More from Loki1776's linked story. This is odd:

"At the hospital, where the 25-year-old suspect was pronounced dead, police found a business card from the Virginia gun shop where they believe the gun came from.

"Handwritten on the back of that business card words to the effect of I pity the cop who is going to put me or has the nerve to put me in his paddy wagon," NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly said."

--> Sure; happens every day.


"Police later said the suspect's gun was reported stolen in Virginia."

Oh? I smell a political agenda.

Tam said...

Bloomberg planted that card, sure as God made little green apples.

TJP said...

It's a well known fact that they have murdershops in Virginia, but not in New York, where murder is illegal.

See, if it weren't for those goddamn murdershows and southern murdershops, then New York criminals would never have stumbled upon the idea of murder.

Schmidt said...

They correctly called it a machine pistol.

I'm flabbergasted.

Tam said...

"They correctly called it a machine pistol."

They were incorrect. It is a semiautomatic copy of a machine pistol.

(...and actually, the "maschinenpistole" label is a kraut thing. They're generally termed "submachine guns" here, regardless of what the neckbeard who wrote the Wikipedia article on them thinks.)

Bram said...

I was in the National Guard with some state cops who worked urban areas. They told stories of finding dead gangbangers / drug dealers with stovepipe jams.

Limp-wristing a cheap, poorly maintained semi-auto while holding it sideways is apparently bad technique. The theory - the dead bad guys lost shoot-outs to other bad guys when their pistols jammed.

Schmidt said...

Hmm. The article did not say it was semi.. but it's obvious from reading between the lines.

Even shitty automatics go for what.. 5K thanks to that law?

I think the term machine pistol is useful. When you say submachine gun, I imagine something with a shoulder stock, that can be fired accurately. Probably the bit of kraut blood I have makes me want to put things into neater categories.

Anonymous said...

Submachine guns fire pistol caliber cartridges automatically. Doesn't matter if it's tripod mounted or single hand held.

Boat Guy said...

In the vein of "If it only saves ONE life!" cry, if ONE vato takes the hint and stops stylin' with the gangsta hold somebody might get hit who wouldn't have. Now that I think of it, though, positive side is if the dippy little hoods shoot straighter, then the chances of them hitting their intended target rather than a bystander are improved. Might not be a bad thing

Bram said...

Reminds me of Carlos Mencia's Drive-By school.

Julie said...

I wonder if these are available for Mac-10s

Brian Dale said...

Tam wrote, "Bloomberg planted that card, sure as God made little green apples."

I'd had in mind perhaps the least astute young officer on the department, but you're right: even that's just too Hardy Boys a hypothesis.

Mea dopa; I need to get out more.