Saturday, December 26, 2009

Digital wasteland.

While sitting through the trailers yesterday, I noticed that Hollywood is doing a movie of Prince Of Persia. Now, side-scrolling platform jumpers have never struck me as a rich vein of cinematographic ore, but they did make a Mario Brothers movie, so who knows what they think out there? I'd expect the gripping plot of Mortal Kombat, The Movie, combined with the nuanced acting performances of the practically straight-to-video Wing Commander, The Movie.

All those years of therapy trying to forget that they did an animated TV series starring Pac-Man, all down the drain.


Noah D said...

Sands of Time != side-scrolling platformer. :)

Okay, yes, it's a platformer, technically, but by SoT, that had taken on new dimensions.

Noah D said...

Sorry, more direct link here.

Eric Shelton said...

Wing Commander wasn't direct to video?


tim said...

Oh, yeah? Well, just try and top this:


Whitebread said...

Three words: Outpost, the Movie

Brad K. said...

I still enjoy watching my faded copy of "Hamgurger: The Motion Picture" - a ripoff of the then-recent Police Academy, with a Steve Gutenberg lookalike for a lead, "Dallas"' Mitch Cooper. And Dick Butkus.

Star Trek was pretty heavy-handed with the anthorpomorphism, and racial interactions, too. Especially with the blue "dancing" girls.

If it looks like Disney, it has to look . . . ahem. American. Recall The Little Mermaid had breasts and a bra.

Hint: If you go see Mary Steenburgen's "The Morgens" - go to admire the bear. And Seth Gilliam and Steenburgen. This is one really light fluff-piece vehicle for SJP. As in, be thinking of SJP so you are revved for Sex In The City Two - without letting little things like a memorable performance in this movie distract you. It makes "The Proposal" (enjoyable!) look like serious literature. Seriously. For The Morgens, think "golden book".

Zendo Deb said...

"Wing Commander" was bad enough to be good. I particularly liked the submarine sound effects in space when they were hiding from the bad aliens - like a submarine of course.

Just once, I wish somebody making a sci-fi movie about the military would get a script written by someone with a military background.

Too much to hope they will ever make anything by David Drake into cinema.

Joanna said...

Any movie that has to explain its entire premise in the trailer via an overacted voice-over is approaching "so bad it's good" territory. I may go see it for Jake Jellywho, but it had better be really bad if I do that.

On the other hand, the Clash of the Titans remake looks like a whopping heap of "Shut up and eat your awesome, that's why."

Rob K said...

I'd forgotten they made a pac-man cartoon, and it was a good thing. But now that you've reminded me, I also remember they made a cartoon off of Rubic's Cube. [Shudder!]

Michael said...

"Just once, I wish somebody making a sci-fi movie about the military would get a script written by someone with a military background."

Or, if it takes place in space, maybe an astronomer. Thanks to Hollywood, people think space is full of stuff. If it were, we probably wouldn't call it 'space', we would call it 'outer-fullness' or something. You could drive through an "asteroid field/belt" thousands of times without seeing anything larger than a grain of sand.

Besides, sound effects in a vacuum? Really?

Joanna said...

Or, if it takes place in space, maybe an astronomer.

Any movie that relies on constellations for interstellar navigation -- as though the stars involved are all clustered in the same place) goes right in the "too dumb to live" bin. (I'm looking at you, Stargate.)

Vaarok said...

Sad thing is, the only sci-fi movie where the space marines checked corners and retreated by numbers when things got bad was

That said, Sands of Time looks good, and if it's half as good as the plot of the game it's based on, it will be.

Brian J. said...

I dragged a group of friends to see Wing Commander since it got 17 out of 100 on Mr. Showbiz. We represented about 8% of the total box office, I think.

Of course, none of them speak to me any more.

Mrs. Widget said...

Conversation in house...
Me "What's with hollywood, there's never been a successful movie from a game."

Youngest daughter..."Clue."

Me "okay that's one."