findavictim.com

The media appear to be working their way up to a full-on hand-wringing over the news that the kind of people who use "Does this taste like Rohypnol to you?" as a pickup line have discovered social media "location apps". Wow. Who could have seen that coming?

The internet itself has already made dodging stalkers or creepy exes a colossal pain in the butt, at least for those of us who remember the good old days of 'move and get an unlisted phone number and you're done,' but the idea of voluntarily tagging yourself like a migrating harp seal? Unbelievable.

When I first heard of these apps that would basically broadcast your age, sex, relationship status, favorite color, GPS location, and how long you'd been standing there in the bar parking lot fumbling in your purse for your car keys, I couldn't believe that anybody thought they were a good idea.

I mean, seriously, unless your name is Chris Hansen, the only use for these programs is to basically yell "Yoo-hoo! Beastie! Come and eat me!" I toyed with the idea of setting up a bogus profile as a 22-year-old named Tiffani-with-an-"i" myself, but figured that I'd run afoul of the Department of Natural Resources for hunting over bait.

 Look, these apps are nothing but digitally-enabled takeout menus for that "It puts the lotion on its skin" guy from Silence of the Lambs. Are people really this dumb?