Tuesday, August 20, 2013


The gloriously terrible thing about the internet is that any chucklehead with a keyboard can put forth their theories about what makes the world tick.

Usually the most outlandish of these involve shape-shifting lizard people and underground bases for Nazi flying saucers, but sometimes they can be just as far-fetched without invoking a single extraterrestrial or paranormal meme:
Racial divisions exposed by the trial of George Zimmerman for killing 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in Florida plays into the interests of the corporate sponsors of the Stand Your Ground laws. Paranoia over gun rights and the threat of hoodie-clad black youths running wild have helped the corporate fearmongers carve off a generation of former Democrats, particularly in the South, and lure them to a new home in the Republican Party, regardless of the corporations’ sociopathic positions on their economic well-being.
That's right, the crackers in the boardrooms of America, puffing on cigars and blowing dollar-sign-shaped smoke rings, have come up with a brilliant plan to empower their Republican voter base: Turn racist Democrats into Republicans by codifying common law self defense principles in state statutes! Soon we can all go live on the space station and leave Matt Damon down here to die of cancer!*

I... I just... Look, I'm as much for ending the War on the Fourth Amendment Drugs as anybody, but the timing of this... novel... theory so soon on the heels of marijuana legalization in WA and CO cannot be mere coincidence.

*Except Matt Damon will almost certainly be on the space station while I'm down here dying of cancer. That Hollywood has so much hate for rich white people when Hollywood is in fact made of rich white people is a source of never-ending mirth to me. It's like a coral reef that hates polyps.


Anonymous said...

Wow - that is some industrial strength stupid. I work in a corporate headquarters - and literally down the street from 2 of the corporations named in the article.

I guarantee the Executives of those firms never heard of "stand your ground" before Zimmerman came along.

p.s. Unions and the DNC are also corporations.

Anonymous said...

I just would like to point out it took the whole staff of The Progressive Populist to be that silly. No single writer could come up with that bizarre of a theory.

Well done angry dudes and dudettes!


Bubblehead Les. said...

So under this..."Philosophy," every NRA A or A+ rated DEMOCRAT who's received NRA Campaign help should turn that Money back in? So does that mean that the DEMOCRATIC Governments of New York, Maryland, Colorado, Massachusetts and Connecticut should STOP taking Tax Money from their State's Firearms Manufacturers and their Employees Paychecks? How about all the Sales Taxes they get from the Ye Olde Gun Shoppes? FOID, CHP and other "Fees" that are Levied by Citizens who Exercise their RKBA should be returned?

After all, if "Evil Big Corporations" are responsible for the "Poor Misguided Youth" Ambushing Australian Joggers, then it MUST be the Gun Makers Fault that such "KIds" were "Bored." At least according to this Idjit.

Tirno said...

I'm surprised that Emmanuel Goldstein wasn't also implicated.

They need to loop in anthropogenic global climate change as well.

It is simply inconceivable (by them) that their several boogie men are not collaborating.

Mike_C said...

> shape-shifting lizard people

"Ka nama kaa lajerama!"

So is there a modern-day equivalent phrase that cannot be spoken by the evil Serpent Men -- um, sorry, culturally-appropriate-for-their-heritage-and-socioeconomic-circumstances Ophidian-Americans -- of our time?

Maybe something such as "The Constitution and Bill of Rights mean exactly what they say." This seems anethema to the Ophidian-Americans, who exist on the extrema of both the right and the left, of course.

Frank W. James said...

Tam: Well put on the hypocrites of Hollywood. My son lives out there (well, Echo Park/Silver Lake actually) and there is no middle class there. There is either the stupid rich and those just existing. Nothing in between, it's like a 3rd World country in many respects, so I think your comment about Matt Damon was perfect, but I would have added George Clooney, Sarah Silverman, Barb Streisand and a whole bunch of others as well...

All The Best,
Frank W. James

Mike_C said...

"anathema" damnit.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

oh, ffs

Steve Skubinna said...

So the Monopoly Man is behind stand your ground? That's one of the great things about the internet, you can learn something new and astonishing every day!

Chas S. Clifton said...

Not just your common or garden-variety fearmongers, but corporate fearmongers, who are larger and faster-reproducing.

Cybrludite said...

What say we drop the author of that... whatever it was off at the corner of Montegut & N. Dorgenois at 3 am and point them in the direction of civilization? The next night we can break out the Ouija board & ask them if they still think concern about crime & the right to self defense is just "fearmongering"...

Cincinnatus said...

The whole Zimmerman controversy was pushed as an attack on ALEC - a conservative legislative lobby - through their incidental inclusion of "Stand Your Ground" laws among a whole slate of model laws.

The whole point is to attack their funding sources.

Windy Wilson said...

What Robin said. It's the Leftist version of attacking your enemies one by one whether or not there is sense in the expressed reasons for the attack. It's the same technique used by the Muslim Brotherhood in attacking the Coptic Churches, 10% of the Egyptian population, and for the express reason that they did not support the Brotherhood against the military. Stupid, fake reasons are just as good as logical, factual, real reasons if it gets people to fight for your cause.

And that excerpt. I read that. Those are English words, the sentences are nominally English as well, with subjects and objects, and adjectives and adverbs in reasonable positions, but -- !! Is there meaning? It was almost like listening to a parakeet in the next room mutter to itself. It almost sounds like human speech.

Tom said...

Ah, the siren song of the progressive, calling to America's youth with the promise of a six-figure income for writing poems exalting Lenin, while old white guys work picking beans.

Of course, when the jobs-for-nothing doesn't appear for a couple of decades, the erstwhile youth vote for more welfare and social services, and turn a once magnificent city into the pit we call Detroit.

Borepatch said...

This sort of nonsense has been around since "What's The Matter With Kansas". The idea that the Democratic Party's economic policies (Obamacare, RPA regulations, taxes for New Deal and Great Society programs, etc) is working in the best interest of the working class is a fantasy that can only exist in the Liberal bubble.

BTW, I added it up once, and the average family pays 25% of their gross right off the top to the government. And that includes almost no income tax at all.

The working class *is* voting their economic interest.

Anonymous said...


"Progressive" policy since around 1965 has revolved around loudly declaring that working-class white taxpayers are of the same "lumpenproletariat" class as certain... shall we say... "diverse urban yoots," while simultaneously bleeding the former white with taxation to print ever-more-generous welfare checks for the latter, using "affirmative action" quotas to keep the former out of college or government jobs (other than the infantry, that is) so that those slots can be held open for the latter, and so on. And of course anyone who notices this is denounced as RAAAAAAAAAACIST, as if that word held any meaning.

This is the sort of thing that really can't go on forever. The great thinker Yogi Berra once said, "when something can't go on forever, eventually it's gotta stop." Got ammo?

global village idiot said...

Given the ongoing internet fashion for connecting otherwise unrelated dots...

The similarity between Windy Wilson's observation that the quoted passage resembles English in form but hardly in substance and your own observation of the same in your hybrid spambot's poetry is enough to make your flesh creep.

Could it be, Tam, that your hybrid spambot is a stringer for a whackadoodle lefty blog?

The Truth Is Out There,
Fox Mulder

Sigivald said...

"corporate sponsors"?

This just tells me that the author is the sort that throws in "corporate" is a meaningless filler scare-word.

Probably doesn't even realize he's doing it.

As first-Anonymous said, no business corporation cares about SYG laws, to speak of.

Some incorporated non-profits or lobbying organizations, of course, do, but that's never what that kind of person means by "corporate".

Anonymous said...

"...It's like a coral reef that hates polyps."

Something smells fishy to me.