So a couple of good ol' boys in my home state of Georgia claim to have found the corpse of a unique Southeastern variety of Bigfoot who had apparently committed the unforgivable Bigfoot sin of not dissolving into thin air upon dying. The find of an Appalachian Bigfoot is especially amazing, since the critter has to be stealthy, living in a neck of the woods that has had sports stadiums and outlet malls since neolithic times.
Of course our intrepid discoverers reacted the way that anybody in possession of rock-solid proof would react: They refused to let anybody see the purported remains and instead announced that the results of DNA testing would be released at a news conference in Palo Alto, clear across the country, on Friday.
At the press conference, the anxious and credulous were informed that the rare and elusive h. bigfootus crackerus is, in fact, a human-opossum hybrid.
(A big h/t to Unc for originally tipping me off to this astonishing tale.)