Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy Fourth of July!

(I'd say "Happy Independence Day", but I haven't checked to see if that is still the official approved name for the holiday.)

Today is the day when real Americans light off fireworks (or, in many states, watch the government light off fireworks for them) to celebrate conscription and income taxes, zoning laws and the FDA! Two-flush toilets and government-mandated florescent light bulbs! Seat belt laws and helmet mandates!

Hurrah for Old Glory! Hurrah for the Real ID Act and our great national Ponzi scheme! Tomorrow we'll round up all the doctors and assign each and every citizen his or her very own physician, because health care is a right! Who do you think paid for the bandage around the head of that guy playing the fife in that "Spirit of '76" painting? The government, that's who!

Today's the day we remember the name of the brave patriot who rushed the keys for the trigger locks on the muskets to Lexington Green, just before the bad guys got there! The day we celebrate the airbags and five mile-per-hour bumpers on the Connestoga wagons that made the westward journey so safe! The smoking regulations at Belleau Wood and the non-toxic, lead-free ammunition at Bastogne! The SPF-30 warpaint worn by the native Americans as they scalped Custer!

Today we remember how Charles Lindbergh had his shoes inspected for bombs before climbing into The Spirit of St. Louis, how Lewis & Clark took nothing but pictures and left nothing but footprints, how Casey Jones passed his Federal Railroad Administration licensing exams, and how the battle stations on the Monitor and Virginia were certified OSHA compliant.

I'm going to do something patriotic today, like stay inside, out of the UV radiation, fill out a tax form, and drink some organic soy milk.

Happy Fourth!

74 comments:

FatWhiteMan said...

AMEN!

Rachel said...

WOW. That is the best description of what's happened to our country since *Atlas Shrugged*. And it's MUCH more concise. I will be sharing this with my family today. You are awesome! :)

Tremaine said...

That's a pretty big slice of snark Tam. Well done!

Anonymous said...

Sigh.....

I love it when my snark-o-meter pegs but damn, its really sad when you look at just what has been lost thanks to Fedco.

Gmac

D.W. Drang said...

Hey, look! A Tea Party in Indianapolis tonight: www.indianapolisteaparty.com

BorisDaBastid said...

Oleg pointed me this way. Well said.

Anonymous said...

Did you read a government school textbook as the source for your column?

Jeffro said...

Eat a salad for Gaea.

Moriarty said...

"The sun never shone on a greater worth. It is not the concern of a day, a year or an age, posterity is virtually involved in the contest, and will be more or less affected, even to the end of time, by the proceedings now: now is the seed time of American continental union, faith and honour. Freedom hath been hunted round the globe, Asia and Africa hath long expelled freedom. Europe regards freedom like a stranger, and England hath given freedom warning to depart. O America, receive the fugitive freedom, and prepare, in time, an asylum for humankind." (emphasis mine)

-- Thomas Paine, Common Sense (1776)

It was great fun while it lasted, wasn't it?

Derius Thoran said...

Well said. Some great man once said that the only thing required for evil to triumph was for good men to do nothing. I paraphrase, but you get the gist. Why is it that today, when our country is in the most eminent danger since FDR, good men do nothing? Are there any left? The internet is full of patriots. Why are they not in the streets? Hell, its sad when the people of Iran love their country and their freedom more than we do...

Endif said...

I thought it was Independence Day, not Partisan Hyperbole Day. I'll celebrate for you..

GUYK said...

OUTSTANDING!

I am gonna burn a tire for freedom and instead of fireworks do some target practice with my .45acp

Anonymous said...

DR66 said I should come tell you that you need to pull your head out of your butt.

The people make the Govt, not the other way around. So if there's a problem with the Govt, you have to start looking at the people, as it's the only way the Govt got there in the first place.

Tam said...

"I thought it was Independence Day, not Partisan Hyperbole Day."

You're an ignoramus. Find the "partisan hyperbole" in this post, fold it 'til it's all sharp corners, and shove it up your ass.


"So if there's a problem with the Govt, you have to start looking at the people..."

I like persons. I've been looking at (and making fun of) The People all my life. Happy 4th! :)

pdb said...

Word.

*sigh*

Don Gwinn said...

I don't often print blog posts, but I think I'll take this one to a family gathering today.

We're going to light illegal firecrackers and eat barbecue (that shouldn't be illegal for another few years at least.)

Endif said...

Up my ass?

Aaah, the reasoned dulcet tones of a well thought out counter-argument. =/

You make my case far better than I ever could.

Happy Birthday, America!
*hoists a pint of domestic micro*
=D

~!J!

Tam said...

"*hoists a pint of domestic micro*"

Me, too! Oaken Barrel Gnaw Bone IPA, if you must know.

I'll take your abject failure to point out the (and I quote) "partisan" or "hyperbolic" parts of my post as a sign of your capitulation.

Nice try!

Nathan Brindle said...

What argument, Endif? She's right, there's nothing partisan about that post.

Anti-government, yes. Partisan, hardly.

wv: frepr. Hmm.

Lergnom said...

_Partisan_ hyperbole? I first read that as _Parisian_ hyperbole.
Oh, well, happy fourth, all.

trebor1415 said...

Tam, you are rapidly approaching the event horizon for Total Snark Implosion.

Soon, the snark will be so dense that no "reasoned discourse" will escape.

Behold, the Snark Singularity is near upon us!

Tam said...

Endiff,

(Hint: If one were to fold the "partisan hyperbole" and do the et cetera with it, one's distal sphincter would remain unabraded, since those qualities are unpresent. I figured that point would wing right over the matching one your conoid noggin. I was not disappointed.)

Tam said...

Further:

I was unaware that "freedom" was a partisan thing. I think married gay couples should be able to smoke all the tax-free dope they want in their walk-in gun safes without having to petition some government flunkie for permission to do so.

Further, if you find the concept of freedom to be a "partisan" thing, it's time to check your frickin' politics.

Secesh said...

Ah...Nothing says the 4th like hot snark fresh from the grill. Happy 4th Tam.

Anonymous said...

Amen
(That's still legal to say isn't it?)
Mycroft

DesertRat said...

DR66 said I should come tell you that you need to pull your head out of your butt.

Actually I challenged you to do so since that was your opinion not mine.

Too cowardly to take credit for your own opinions?

Bonzo said...

Well put. I shamelessly forwarded it to pretty much everyone I know, with the exception of the terminally stupid nanny-staters. You got credit, of course!

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm depressed now. I think I'll go take down my flag.

ConcreteBob said...

Glad I was directed here. You'll fit in nicely with the rest of the inmates...er patients..ah I mean persons.

Matt G said...

It's the sign of a good post when you get controversy. :)

Hell, even I didn't agree with 100.0% of the post, and I'm pretty libertarian.

Re: good beer: want it.

Re: Endiff: your distal sphincter will probably be fine-- you'll find hyperbole, just not much that's partisan.

Mark said...

Happy Independence, wherever you find it, make it or take it.

And a healthy bronx cheer to bastards both sides of the aisle trying to dispense with that inconvenient "Constitution" thingummy they all seem to hate so much.

Cossack in a Kilt said...

We luvz our TAM!

Mark said...

I'm gonna stick my head into the chipper/shredder here and say:

Either all days are Independence Days, or none of them are. And if you're looking for an Independence day mandated by the State, then there's something wrong with your Funk and Wagnalls'.

Turk Turon said...

Exploding adverbs, spinning nouns, glowing gerunds! I've already had my fireworks.


wv: fisyn

Doc said...

Tam,I didn't see any partisan hyperbole. However,when I was in the Air Force many years ago, we had a saying of "F___ 'em if they can't take a joke." If the shoe fits, etc.

adiplomat said...

Ms. Tam,

Your happy, peaceful, snarky little blog has had a minor invasion from a forum I frequent. It was brought to our attention by one of our members, and you might've noticed the anonymous poster who decided they didn't want to risk their name here. As you might gather from my phrasing, and also the fact that my nickname does appear, that I disapproved of that.

As you can see, my username is Adiplomat. That stands, as I tend to tell a lot of people who get confused, as a shortcut for Not Much Of A Diplomat, the name I have carried with pride but also as a reminder of the fact that if I and a two by four hold a bluntness contest, the two by four loses disgracefully. Be fairly warned.

I'm a student of history, and I'm reasonably rational, so we share quite a few common opinions. But just where in the name of God do you get off posting them in this way while we attempt to celebrate our independence? The people and practices you are skewering are part of this country, just as much as you are. You can't let them have one day to celebrate it without attacking? They live here too!

The one thing I'll guarantee you is that neither of us is anywhere close to 100% right. Obviously, given the nature of opinions I think I'm more right than you are. But you know what? I do know when it's a good time to try and just have some fun and celebrate! I know that this blog will mostly be read by your brand of sheep (come on people, with all the "me too" posting I read here today I expected to step in lemming droppings on the way in!), but as should also be obvious, at least one fellow traveler likes to post your stuff elsewhere. Why not let it go for one blasted day (heck, be ludicrously generous and give us Memorial Day and Veterans Day also) to just celebrate how proud we are of our country!

As far as I'm concerned, being what I like to call an extreme anti-extremist, y'all can all go at each other's throats the rest of the time. Heck, I'll try to get the gov't to donate some land for ya to fight on. How's the White Sands missile range sound?

By the way, just to forestall all the accusative partisan language, I have some very serious deeply held opinions that can be placed in most areas of the political spectrum. I'll never be a registered anything! I just think all this hateful partisan rhetoric needs to get stuffed in that orifice that you appear to be fond of inviting others to stuff things in. That includes all of you, and all of your opposites. Have a wonderful Independence Day!

Tam said...

"Partisan"? You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Frank W. James said...

With all due consideration I think the term that should have been employed is not 'partisan', but rather 'troll', specifically of the leftish or far right variety.

'Nuff said.

All The Best,
Frank W. James

adiplomat said...

Bad move, Ms Tam.

Definitions of partisan on the Web:

* a fervent and even militant proponent of something
* enthusiast: an ardent and enthusiastic supporter of some person or activity
* a pike with a long tapering double-edged blade with lateral projections; 16th and 17th centuries
* devoted to a cause or party

I will add one obvious corollary to the above:

* a fervent and even militant opponent of something

Whatever you call yourself politically, you attacked policies and actions almost exclusively associated with liberals and liberalism. You attacked them fervently and militantly. You, Madame, are most definitely a partisan. (Or are counterfeiting one very well.)

Sarcastic Bastard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
og said...

"Whatever you call yourself politically, you attacked policies and actions almost exclusively associated with liberals and liberalism. "

No, Adiplomat. Tam attacked policies and actions that are, like yourself, idiotic, and asinine. It is only coincidental that they are almost exclusively liberal. Please look up the meaning of "post hoc ergo propter hoc" and get back to us. Check with your mom first. She's probably upstairs washing your jeans.

adiplomat said...

Og, I believe I'll give your comment more respect than it deserves.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Is it such a bad thing to be a partisan, "a fervent and even militant opponent of something", adiplomat? In the end, all it means is that you are unwilling to compromise your principles.

To compromise, to be bi-partisan, is simply to capitulate to that which you have judged to be bad, wrong, evil, etc.

At least you can respect the fact that someone is unwilling to compromise their individually arrived at conclusions, even when they are wrong.

To say, "I'm not 100% right and you aren't 100% right,' is nothing less than the most patronizing action one can take against an ideological opponent. "I'm so much smarter than you because I realize there is no such thing as real right and wrong, or real truth."

Yes, people should happily celebrate what others were willing to fight and die for at one point in our history, but they should also acknowledge the sad fact that what people once fought and died for was lost almost as quickly as it was won.

og said...

Adiplomat: Please feel free to 1: Piss up a rope, and 2: not give my comment a second thought. You are clearly a fool, and I cannot wait for Tam to come along and fillet and gut you like a fish. You can't come into the dining room where the adults are talking and mouth off and expect not to get your ass handed to you. Yap yap little doggie, yap yap.

Diogenes said...

WOW! I really missed the party on that one. Guess thats what I get for getting up early to exercize the arsenal.


GO TAM! Even more reasons to come back here.

Marja said...

What was 'Tam' short for anyway? Tamerlane?

adiplomat said...

Sarcastic Bastard, my real gripe is that stuff like this is why no one talks reasonably about things that REALLY NEED to be discussed reasonably!

You cannot live together without compromise and deals. I wish I had my way, but almost no one else does, I guarantee you! Therefore I have to give up some to get some.

God made us (pause for jeers) perfectly, and the further we depart from that, the worse things get. I have never seen language like what is used routinely in politics accomplish anything good. Please list the good it accomplishes for us. I can see the bad in it very easily. (A nation dying in its own "byproducts".)

By the way, you will note that those who reply with intelligence and reason are far more likely to get my attention than those who do not.

I can respect an intelligent and cogent opponent. A person unskilled enough to think that personal insult constitutes debate will not be worth my time. I appreciate you civility.

og said...

"I can respect an intelligent and cogent opponent." To recive that, you must provide it. You have not provided it. Period. Your diatribes are neither cogent nor intelligent, you accuse partisanship where there is clearly none, thus proving your own partisanship, you fail to understand the simplest concepts. you cannot be reasoned with as you are the very definition of unreasoning. Sorry. Not possible to take you seriously, under any circumstance. You can get all high and mighty, but underneath, we know precisely what you are, and it is a fool. Yap yap.

dave said...

But just where in the name of God do you get off posting them in this way while we attempt to celebrate our independence?

And just where in the name of God do you get off suggesting that Tam is somehow wrong for stating her opinion freely on this, our day of celebration of our independence?

Good Lord, man! With that sort of density, it's no wonder you fail to grasp irony. Have you tried depleted-uraniumy?

og said...

A level of density, to paraphrase the Queen of All Snark, that almost has it's own event horizon.
50!

Old Grouch said...

"you attacked policies and actions almost exclusively associated with liberals and liberalism"

200 years ago none of the laws/regulations Tam enumerated existed. And IMO it's worthwhile to speculate whether America could have come into being in the kind of world that encompasses them.

The fact that "liberals" (more correctly, progressive statists) are on record as favoring these regulations (and, indeed, continually call for more of the same) invites its own condemnation. Because it originates from a mindset which, on one hand, distrusts the average citizen to look out for his own interests, and, on the other, desires to apply the force of government against private activity that might offend or annoy some Mrs. Grundy.

Hurts, doesn't it?

And if decrying our loss of liberty be partisanship, well, make the most of it.

Stingray said...

In the interest of playing devil's advocate (and, well, fanning the flames a little for some entertainment- hey, I can't want nice things?), Tam very much is partisan, by the strict definition.

The problem arises that she is not partisan in opposition to what the fng thinks. It took me less than ten seconds (and my connection is slow today) to find quite a handful of unpleasant things said by our host about the policies and actions of what same fng has labeled "our" side.

Ms. K, please tell me to STFU if I'm speaking out of turn, but so far as I can gather, what she is partisan against is dumbass meddling twerps, middling pissants with a modicum of power all the way up to grand poobahs with delusions of adequacy who think things only exist to be slathered in paperwork, controlled, filed, taxed, generally regulated, or Officially Disapproved Of. Funny, that comes in rather an obscene quantity from both sides of the aisle, and again, it doesn't take much effort (please expend some, it's worth your time if only because the snark is strong with her then, too) to find her words against it when those with an R after their name go about such idiocy and general disruption of liberty.

Then again, it's a lot easier to just cry and say she's being mean to liberals. Whatever floats your boat, dip.

Sharku said...

Right, fine, maybe next time you can find a little girl's birthday party and pee on her cake or something.

Full disclosure: I am of the same board which lured adiplomat and anonymous ("you need to pull your head out of your butt") here.

While I don't agree with hardly anything American, either foreign or domestic, I was ready to raise a glass or whatever cross-continent internet equivalent would be appropriate for the occasion... until DR66 posted your piece of tripe that is.

It is your flipping national holiday!! Are you really that self-absorbed that you need some European guy to tell you that you have 364 days of the year left to spend bickering and moaning, and to give it a rest for just one day?

Again, next time, find some pre-schooler's birthday party and have a good old pee on the cake. You'll be just as petty but the fun and goodwill you'll be ruining will be much more localized.

DesertRat said...

Sharku that whistling noise past your head wasn't a firework. It was the point.

T.Stahl said...

Not being a native speaker I had to look up 'partisan' and 'hyperbole'. I came to the conclusion that it meant the same as 'biased exaggeration'.
So what?
I'm a stress engineer. I'm used to use biased exaggerations. Biased as my statements are focussed on the structural integrity of a component or the whole system (and not such lower-ranking aspects like costs and manufacturing). And exaggerated because otherwise the project engineers just don't get it. Tell them that a part's safety factor just below the required value and they won't bother. Tell them that the car will go up in flames if they remain inactive and maybe they'll do at least something.

If 'biased exaggeration' is what Endif meant by 'partisan hyperbole', yeah, ok. But so what? If those who approve of or don't care about the changes to the bad don't get it without a bit of exaggeration, exaggeration is obviously necessary.

Oh, and I - though being neither a native speaker nor an American - got Tam's point.

Divemedic said...

Hahaha- the self styled diplomat wants us to celebrate our independence by limiting free speech. No wonder all of the visitors from the unnamed forum are bleating. Why don't you all name this forum, you now, so we can engage in reasoned discourse? Or do you only engage in discussions on other people's dime?

Tam said...

Og,

The guy obviously thinks he's still in whatever little debating society in which the link was posted, since he goes on for several paragraphs about his Arguing On The Internets resume, laying out his Special Olympics Third Place ribbons in a manner he's sure will impress the audience. I note we also got a dissertation on his "Nom de 'Tubes" selected as carefully, no doubt, as his limited edition, autographed light saber replica.

The best part of the affair was when he said "Bad move, Ms. Tam", like he was about to kick my ass on the internets or something. If this is supposed to be some kind of intarw3bz dick-measuring contest, then... *checks pants* ...okay, he wins.

For those still paying any attention to this interminably tedious byplay (which won't be including me after this comment, incidentally,) I'd like to confess to my partisanship, since as even a novice student of American history would know that of the three specific government acts or agencies mentioned in my post, the FDA, Real ID Act, and OSHA, all were passed (and indeed ramrodded through Congress) by Republican administrations: FDA in 1906, OSHA in 1970, and Real ID in 2005. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, kids.

Roberta X said...

adiplomat writes: "The people and practices you are skewering are part of this country, just as much as you are. You can't let them have one day to celebrate it without attacking? They live here too!"

Chris, you were so much more fun when you were shrieking "Leave Brittany aloooone!"

Roberta X said...

...on 4 July, we celebrate an idea, not a government. And not even a country: an idea. An idea that people did not merely debate in correspondence but one they fought, bled and died for.

Divemedic said...

I found it. For those that want to go and talk to the trolls, here it is:

http://tinyurl.com/msttms

og said...

Prezactly, Tam. You lampoon the stupid, whatever it's source. And do so with a level of snark that makes us all want to bow down and say "We're not worthy!"

It's telling that they took offense. Who's the partisan here?

As for the dick measuring contest... I'm always amazed at the number of guys who engage in this, when all they are really interested in is finding the optional equipment that YOU came packaged with.

Nice filleting, anyway. How do you keep that knife so sharp?

Caleb said...

"you attacked policies and actions almost exclusively associated with liberals and liberalism"

That is a pretty strawman. Look, he even has a little straw hat! Now if only he had a brain, we could find Zoey Deschanel, that guy who played Buck Compton from Band of Brothers, and make a bitchin' sci-fi remake of The Wizard of Oz!

Don Gwinn said...

tl:dr

DesertRat said...

For those who wish to post in the forum that I linked Tam's excellent post to (sorry for the mess Tam). There are a few things to keep in mind.

1. They have posting rules. Nothing tedious, just standards of behavior.

2. The forum rolls over every 24 hours. As a general rule bringing something from a previous day forward is considered bad form.

Don't worry though we manage to get a controversy going several days a week.

Anonymous said...

"Whatever you call yourself politically, you attacked policies and actions almost exclusively associated with liberals and liberalism."

What could possibly be wrong with attacking the Left? Those feckless parasites need to be attacked, and it's about time they are attacked.

"He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance."

What Thomas Jefferson said. The Left defends their statism in order to destroy our freedom.

Death to Socialism,

Shootin' Buddy

Cond0010 said...

I thnk its time to stick a fork into 'Adiplomat':

http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/warriorshtm/diplomat.htm

Nice Snark, Tam - both in your post and in the comments section!

Jacopo said...

I hope that I never fail so thoroughly that I receive a scathing lambastement like that.

Tam, you are the official Hero of Snark for this day.
:-D

Windy Wilson said...

Mycroft wrote
"Amen
(That's still legal to say isn't it?)."

So far. The Anti-Americans haven't figured out a way to argue that people saying that in public is the establishment of religion by the government or the creation of a hostile work environment.
I say, though, give them 10 years and the Muslim extremists will argue and convince the leftists that any public sign of another religion is injurious to their self esteem and hurts their widdle feelings.

DBA Dude said...

Nothing wrong with the post, it just states Tam's opinion - and I thought that in "the land of the free" that is what it was all about.

Apparently not, if that opinion happens to clash with the views of another individual or group.

I think that if you were still reading here Tam that you should direct them to some wise words from Greek or Roman scholars.

Carteach0 said...

Ok.... now this comment thread sucked a perfectly good five minutes out of my morning.

But.... 'tis always fun to watch a statist being skewered. They make the funniest squeaking sounds.

Anthony said...

This post was awesome wrapped in bacon.

The Freeholder said...

Myself, I love my country. I just don't care much for what's been done with it since...oh...The Articles of Confederation or thereabouts.

John B said...

Well Tam, I can at least say you're wrong in one respect, and have no fear of being assaulted by your unleashed snark.

If this is an Internet Dick Measuring contest.....

You win!

Anonymous said...

"were certified OSHA compliant."
Ha, the government can produce anything they want during a war "for the war effort" Double standard bull crap.