Monday, December 21, 2009

Have a very Congressional Christmas!

The President wants a health care bill for Christmas, and it looks like Santa thinks he's been a good boy this year. Thanks to Aunt Nancy and Uncle Harry, here are some of 2009's hottest holiday gifts for the rest of us little people:
  • Tin cups. A good tin cup should be large enough to hold a couple dozen pencils, enough to last through a whole day on a street corner.
  • Wooden crates. These should be of a size to paint "Apples 5¢" across in letters big enough to be read from the next steam grate over.
  • Used appliance boxes. While singles and young couples can probably get by with the box from a stove or dishwasher, families with children will appreciate one of the larger ones used to ship refrigerators, as the kids can have their own end of the box.

22 comments:

Joanna said...

Ooh! Ooh! Get a cat that hunts. Then you can eat the birds and small rodents that she brings you when she's done playing with them. I think I'll steam mine over the vent behind the dryer wall at the laundromat. Gotta get that B12! No beri beri for me!

And remember, leave the skins on. Fur = fiber.

Will Brown said...

What are you two (I figure Joanna's going for the snark. I think.) snorting up there, Doom 'n Gloom Hope Cleanser? Keep on keepin' on and settle in to enjoy the hubris. It's not that often you get a chance to see a 60-strong chorus line pull of the Synchronised Trouser Drop like this.

Fortunately (you takes your puns where you find them I say).

Nathan said...

Me, I'm thinking I'll find one of those big steel shipping containers (ought to be plenty of empties when we stop buying so much Chinese crap) and make me a nice Obamaville mansion.

Joanna said...

Will: Heavens sake, man, of course it's snark. ;-) Nobody's going full Zombieland any time soon. I agree that there's a certain popcorn quality to all this, but from my perspective, it's more like roasting weenies while your house burns down.

Toaster 802 said...

NATIONAL STRIKE JAN 20, 2010 to coincide w/ STATE OF UNION SPEECH NATIONWIDE STRIKE over Obamacare...

Call into work sick. Buy nothing. Find a union hall, congress creature office, State or Federal building and form picket lines. Come ready to party...

NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE! Put that right back in their face!

NATIONAL STRIKE JAN 20, 2010 to coincide w/ STATE OF UNION SPEECH NATIONWIDE STRIKE over Obamacare...TAKE BACK AMERICA!

If the left wants grassroots movements, then by God let us give it to them!...

Pass this on to everyone you know

Jason said...

I have a staple gun and two refrigerator boxes. I can finally build that split-level at the top of the hill like I always wanted. Unless of course I have to use environmentally-friendly Green Power Eco-Staplettes.

wv: dingulis, the Dumbest Emperor of the Western Empire.

Stranger said...

My dad always insisted I have at least one profession and one trade. I have changed professions a couple of times - but I have kept up with developments. And there's always a market for several of the trades I have picked up.

So when Social Insecurity goes TU and my business can no longer support me in the style I grew up in, I will do what sensible people everywhere are already doing.

Practicing a trade, barter or hard cash only, giving no receipts, and leaving no tracks.

Stranger

Oleg Volk said...

More likely "Apples, $5" -- the dollar isn't worth much now. It will be worth less.

Will Brown said...

Joanna,

You sure about that Zombieland thing? See Toaster 802's comment above for further consideration.

How many rhetorical steps are required to go from what we can see, to unthinking violent action for it's own sake (real-world zombie facsimile)? I lived through the Watts (Ok, I was a kid, but still ... :)) and '92 riots in La-La land; I really don't want to see what the full blown continental-size display version looks like.

Dixie said...

This is why I'm glad my papa went through the Depression. I feel sorry for all the people my age who can't say that.

Joanna said...

Practicing a trade, barter or hard cash only, giving no receipts, and leaving no tracks.

My mother always said that if you can cook, you'll never want for work. Plus, you have the advantage of having room and board as an option.

Tam said...

Will,

Hyperbole and sarcasm is our schtick here at VFTP. Reasoned discussion may be found elsewhere; my modus operandi is to just point and laugh. ;)

Will Brown said...

"Plus, you have the advantage of having room and board as an option."

So, Joanna, I see marriage is still an option you'll consider.

And, I thought your MO was more like point and bang, Tam.

Anonymous said...

I will be sending this: http://www.getpranks.com/item.cfm?id=817

Since they gave us a big steaming pile of the real deal.

Joanna said...

So, Joanna, I see marriage is still an option you'll consider.

I think it's in Joel where it talks about how in those days, seven women will take hold of one man ...

The other option is to get a downstairs position with one of our new overlords and make myself indespensible in the kitchen, all the while siphoning off supplies and information for my less well-placed compadres.

Will Brown said...

Even I won't go there, compadre; see: Tam's MO above. :)

Ok, this is just getting silly; w/v graphedi

Anonymous said...

Tams mo is still the best, but i would like to cook a Dem for dinner!
Walt

Anonymous said...

After they finish jamming this dreck down our throats, what makes you think that anybody will be able to afford to buy new refrigerators so they have boxes to throw away?
emdfl

maddmedic said...

Poly tarps!
Cheap, buy a few today stash them with the guns, ammo and other items you mistakenly buried somewhere you can't remember!!
Buy green ones!
Or brown!
The blue stands out to much!!
Of course those of us whom lost all our guns when driving to our ice fishing spot and the truck "fell"(wink wink) through the ice...are going to have a problem...

Anonymous said...

The deal here is to scarf as many empty refrigerator cartons as possible from the dumpster behind the local Sears store at the mall, cover them in plastic sheeting, and duct tape 'em together. Then I'll take over a few steam grates in DC (Eminent Domain, don't cha know) and set up condos for the newly unemployed.

And I've just gotten copyrights on my yet-to-be-published "101 Recipes for Fresh-Caught Rat".

Charles Pergiel said...

Snark at it's finest!

markm said...

Nathan:
Those shipping containers won't be available if we aren't getting all that crap from China. They're what the crap is shipped in - and many of them only go one way. It's cheaper to knock out another one than to ship back an empty.