Saturday, March 13, 2010

I wonder if she's kin to Lawdog?

The police blotter from Unalaska, AK, written by a Sgt. Shockley, makes for some pretty droll reading:

Suspicious Person/Activity – Officer attempted to resolve a complicated situation involving several people in two different states, a vehicle that may have been stolen three years ago and then sold several months ago, and a vehicle title that had never changed hands. Resolution pending additional information.
Ambulance Request – EMS personnel offered medical care to a trembling, drunken man with a bloody nose and the word “LOSER” written on his head. The inebriate refused care.
Assault – A man who was demonstrating how to properly position and drive a knife in order to achieve a fatal stab wound was kicked in his knife hand by an onlooker. When he confronted the kicker about the dangers of such actions, the kicker began punching him about the head and torso. Witnesses confirmed the victim’s story. David Aaron Meeks, 39 yoa, was arrested for Assault IV.

(vie email.)


Miguel said...

This one is too good:
"Officer contacted a drunk staggering in the middle of the roadway and found that his nose had been relocated to the left side of his face."

Buffboy said...

Yup, looks familiar, though a little more creatively written than the ones I've seen.

Chas S. Clifton said...

"One [fish, I'm guessing] processor conceded the sudsy bucket after his supervisor bade him yield."

Bade him yield?

I see someone in yellow coveralls shouting, "Yield, thou varlet!"

This is priceless. I may have to bookmark it.

Anonymous said...

Here we see what happens when people make their own fun :)


Anonymous said...

I've come to look forward to the police blotter section of the Rio Grande Sun each week:

Many of the tales are amusing.

cheers, erich martell
albuquerque NM USA

Scott said...

Here we see what happens when people make their own fun :)

Having spent near a year on the Dutch Harbor side of the island you need to make your own fun or be bored unto tears. Having said that I look back very fondly on my time processing and hunting King Crab in the middle of nowhere.

Matthew said...

The best part of the Anchorage Daily Worker is the Unalaska Police reports.

WV: minest - the second favorite word of Elizabethan three year olds.

Montie said...

I need to hire Sgt. Shockley to my own Dept. I like the writing style. At last another officer to commiserate with over the lack of writing skills on the part of the officers that I supervise.

Every time I read a report wherein every person involved either "advises" or "states" and never "tells" or "says" and the reporting officer is unable to use first person, as in "I" but instead uses the third person "this officer" to narrate I wear out another red pen.

Loose Gravel said...

Whoo boy I miss Dutch Harbor/ Unalaska! Spent one winter working out of Dutch - saw more brawls and drunks than the entire rest of my life combined. (And no, I was not involved in any of the brawls.)

Chas S. Clifton said...

@erich martell

Española, N.M., has a weirdness all its own, I know.

But the Unalaskan writing wins.