Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I know you are, but what am I?

CNN is making insinuations about the intellectual horsepower of the Tea Party roadtrippers, which is pretty funny coming from an organization that can't count past a couple dozen.

The absolutely inchoate rage engendered in media types when anything becomes popular without their blessing is just hilarious.

Remember, it's easy to see what their world looks like: Just turn on prime time TeeWee. Three quarters of everybody lives in New York City, and the remainder live in LA. Between the Hudson and the Hollywood Hills lies a thin belt of suburban mobsters in New Jersey, and then a vast gray wasteland filled with howling savages and extras from Deliverance, where snakes are handled and anybody with skin darker than #D2B48C tan is in danger of the weekly lynchin' bees. Also, there is no arugula.


New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

No arugula?!! Those cousin-humpin' barbarians!

Jay T said...

That's why the map is so large!

Anonymous said...

'Midwest' Discovered Between East And West Coasts

The Onion. July 6, 2006.

NEW YORK—A U.S. Geological Survey expeditionary force announced Tuesday that it has discovered a previously unknown and unexplored land mass between the New York and California coasts known as the "Midwest."

The Geological Survey team discovered the vast region while searching for the fabled Midwest Passage, the mythical overland route passing through the uncharted area between Ithaca, NY, and Bakersfield, CA.

"I long suspected something was there," said Franklin Eldred, a Manhattan native and leader of the 200-man exploratory force. "I'd flown between New York and L.A. on business many times, and the unusually long duration of my flights seemed to indicate that some sort of large area was being traversed, an area of unknown composition."


BobG said...

"Three quarters of everybody lives in New York City, and the remainder live in LA".

Don't forgot the oasis of Chicago amidst the howling wilderness in between the east and west coasts.

Joanna said...

I saw a hoity-toity food article a while back touting that newly discovered gourmet vegetable, collard greens. To which I said, "Gourmet? Pfft." I refuse to shell out five bucks at a farmer's market for something my grandpa (rest his soul) used to give me out of his garden. Same goes for rhubarb and black raspberries.

Tam said...


I thought they closed Chicago down after Barack moved out and ER went off the air?

Chronos said...

My howling savage of a daughter just got inducted into the National Jr. Honor Society.
I wonder if they will take away her pin if she tells them she is going to go to the range to celebrate?

Tam said...

"I wonder if they will take away her pin if she tells them she is going to go to the range to celebrate?"

They won't believe you. They think we burned everybody who wears glasses in a huge bonfire built of copies of On The Origin of Species and old Masterpiece Theatre videocassettes after a big public auto de fé in the infield of a NASCAR race.

LL said...

The state run media are obliged to serve their masters.

And let's face it, there are a vast number of drones in this country who watch state run TV and believe the swill they are fed -- however the opiate of the masses (TV) is wearing off a little as evidenced by FOX ratings.

However, now that the Saudis bought a controlling interest in Fox, I expect that they will be brought to heel.

Britt said...

I visited a friend in the North, and one of his family asked how big my farm was. I kind of looked at her, and gently said "I don't live on a farm." She then said "Oh, where do you live?" I said..."In a city...a bigger city then the one we're currently in" "Oh really I thought the South was all farms and rural areas." Left unsaid: No. America, as a whole, has had most of its people in cities for quite some time now. Yes that includes people not within the NE Coast and the West Coast.

They really do. What's more disgusting is the people here in VA, especially in North VA that are desperate to join the club. They really, really, really want to be considered part of the BosWash conurbation. It sickens me.

bdickens said...

Wow, "inchohate." Where did us unedjukated, ignurunt rasist gun totin' t-bag redneks learn a word like THAT?

Owen said...

I lived in Columbia, South Caronlina for a few years. My mother came down from Massachusetts, and repeatedly embarrassed herself with outbursts. "Oh they have a Whole Foods here?", "Wow, there sure a lot of black people here. I thought they all moved north to get away from the KKK," "can we get regular milk at the grocery store, or just buttermilk?"

Two whole weeks like that, in a vibrant southern city, and she still tell me how backwards the south was, and she's glad I'm out of there.

Anonymous said...

@Owen, OMG. Thanks for the laugh. I needed that. :-0

Drang said...

I'm debating wearing my Kalashnikitty t-shirt to the next Tea Party.

Or XVIII Century clothes. One or the other.

Anonymous said...

"In a city...a bigger city then the one we're currently in"

Wait, we let the South have cities again after we took all that care and effort in burning them down?

Who approved that? Does General Sherman know of this? I shall telegraph at once!

"can we get regular milk at the grocery store, or just buttermilk?"

I must remember this one!

Shootin' Buddy

Tam said...

"In a city...a bigger city then the one we're currently in"

As a transplantee in the Circle City, that's one of my faves.

Most Hoosiers really don't grok that you could misplace Indy in the Metro ATL...

Ancient Woodsman said...

Also of note is that those Brahmins & blue-bloods to the SOUTH of us in places like Hartford, Boston and NOO Yawk Sity only seem to want to civilize us up north and save us all from ourselves, as we are all just a bunch of Red Green clones (like that cute canuck they see every so often on their beloved PBS)...there are a few to the far north that ain't just redneck Nascar & beer, deer & moose munching gun-totin' inbreds - we are definitely NOT inbreds.

And we've had our share of 'mothers from Massachusetts' who are 'simply amazed' that you can buy gas north of Bangor, or that gee whiz, 'Lake Winnepesaukee' isn't a town? But what about that movie?!?

Nice post. Yes, Virginia, there are some folks who think on their own. The majority of self-interested, self-serving pseudo-intellectuals are simply closed-minded claustrophobes who simply cannot see a world (or person) beyond their own limited version of social fashion or merlot-colored glasses. They love to hold concerts & sit-ins & sell yogurt to save Thoreau's woods, but God forbid they should actually read & understand the man.

Their kind is a dime a dozen and don't usually last two breaths in my world of personal thought, freedom, callouses & pride in hard work & accomplishment. At least I earned my GPA, daddy or some foundation didn't buy it for me; and I will save a stranger in peril (have done so professionally for years) but have no compunction to save one from themselves.

On the other hand, you do have a hard time finding arugula and goat cheese...but who the hell wants that anyway?

Dr. StrangeGun said...


Atlanta - Beta +, near top of the second column.

Anonymous said...

". . . #D2B48C tan . . ."

Great nerd ref - that was pretty funny. I actually had to pull up an html page and type it in to see what color it was, and as a blue-eyed, fair-skinned , near-red-haired, Scot/Irish/Danich/Dutch/English mutt, *I'm* darker than that.