1) I will know that I am really cool when I get to carry an M4 carbine everywhere, like the grocery store & the mall, and I have a guy whose full-time job is to do nothing but follow me around all day with a boom box playing the "Imperial March" from Star Wars. Then, then I will truly be cool.
2) While the idea of Valhalla is groovy, what with the "warring all day and partying all night" aspect and all, I think an even better afterlife would be one where you spend eternity hot-lapping the Nürburgring in a Porsche 911 Turbo, while swilling Ruination from the bottle and shooting out the window at road signs with an MP5. Also, Chuck Schumer is wearing a little janitor's outfit like the mascot from Cracked, sweeping up busted bottles and spent brass on the side of the track. That would be a totally awesome final reward. I need to get to work on whipping up a sect where this is the payoff.