I live in Broad Ripple, where tattooed hippies with safety pins through their cheeks sit in the duck crap next to the canal with their bandanna-wearing dogs and strum guitars so that the tourists will give them money to stop.
I say that in order to establish my hippie-spotting bona fides.
And speaking from that position of authority, I have to say that Portland has got a serious hippie problem.
It's one thing to keep a few around for entertainment, like we do, but if you don't get the granola crumbs off the floor and use a cleaner like 409 to mop up the spilled bong water, pretty soon you wind up with a major infestation like this.
It's hard to clear out a plague of hippies of this magnitude, but it can be done. What you need is about a hundred armed forces recruiters with a stack of job applications in one hand and a bar of soap in the other...