Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Misplaced priorities...

So, one Richard Cooey claims he's too porky to be executed. He says he's fat enough that they have a hard time finding his veins when they draw blood, and that could cause him unnecessary suffering. Plus he's taking some kind of medication or another for seizures that could reduce the effects of the sedative and cause his execution to be "excruciating".

Unnecessary suffering and excruciating pain like the two girls you raped and killed, Richard? Or a different kind?

Hey, Ohio, if you're getting all squeamish about this at the last minute, I'll be glad to drive over and handle the job with 26 ounces of Estwingazine, administered intracranially. I might even feel a little bit bad about it afterward, which is more than Mr. Cooey can say.

(UPDATE: I really need to read Marko's blog before I post in the mornings...)


The Old Man said...

All of this crap being put out by the convicted criminals about pain they'll suffer during execution. I feel that they may be right, so I'd like to propose a method of execution that is guaranteed not to cause unnecessary pain.

Wrap three turns of detcord around their necks and fire when ready, Gridley. Of course, the cleanup is a lot of work, but there is no pain for the muderers like they caused their victims...

Pokerwolf said...

Well, if he doesn't want to suffer, then we should just shoot him.

He doesn't suffer, it's cheap and efficient for the State, and his sentence is carried out. Besides, a bullet is "injected" into a target and we wouldn't have to worry about veins in that situation.

I do like The Old Man's idea, though. It gives new meaning to the phrase, "Boom! Headshot!"

rickn8or said...

On the other hand, be happy you're not the attorney that has to file/argue this in crap court and then look at himself in the mirror every day.

Maybe said attorney should have to explain this face-to-face with the victims' families.

Breda said...

Hey! No fair! I'm already in Ohio!

Robb Allen said...

I don't get why this is a problem at all.

Thousands upon thousands of people go in for surgery every day. They are given anesthesia to prevent them from feeling pain. These people are often fat, diabetic, cancer ridden, bulimic, taking medications for larger erections or bad headaches, or any number of other medical maladies, and you don't hear them complaining about undue suffering.

Why can't we just shove a mask over the f*ckers' faces and gas 'em until they zonk out for good? If it's good enough for millions of surgery patients per year who's only crime was getting sick, it's perfectly viable for those who's crime is being a sick bastard.

Of course, option A is much better. A 12 gauge to the nasal cavity is instant, painless, cheap and doesn't require a doctor to do it. But somehow humans have conflated efficiency with inhumanity, as if the amount of splatter makes the end result oh so awful.

Mark Alger said...

I like Heinlein on punishment. (From, I think, Starship Troopers).

The proscription of "cruel and unusual" punishment is witless. Cruelty, OK. It harms the punisher more than the punishee -- especially in cases of capital punishment.

But unusual? Eh? So... we can only use punishment that is... usual? As in, it happens all the time? Of what value is punishment that disappears into the background noise? It MUST be unusual to have a salutary effect. Otherwise, you're just engaging in gratuitous cruelty.

D.C. al coda.

D.W. Drang said...

Had a case out here in Washington a few years back, some dirtbag on Death Row spent his time during the appeal process eating his way to too-fat-to-hang. he then apealed that hanging was cruel. Alas, the State of Washington was too stupid to say "Okay, firing squad it is!"

Billy Beck said...

"...26 ounces of Estwingazine,..."

The original Battle Hammer. Accept no substitutes.

nbc said...

three turns of detcord

You're only supposed to blow his bloody head off.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anonymous said...

if he's too fat to execute, and if execution makes folks squimish, just starve him to death. Makes it easier to carry out the body later, too.

Mark said...

I'll see The Old Man his detcord and raise him a Boomershoot.

Actually, I reckon you'd get more people turning up to see an execution performed with a pound or two of C4 than any old hanging or injecting or owt.

Take the kiddies! Get the Con Balloons out - and don't burst it 'til it's time, or you'll miss out!

Anonymous said...

Ahh Estwing. Great hammers! You know you have made it as a geologist when you have Brunton and an Estwing.

As to the big guy? I like the det cord approach. I would add a 0.5 KG booster just to be sure though.

Kristopher said...

Chloroform him, and cut his carotid with a large scalpel.

Any competent meat cutter can do that.

If you can't find a volunteer, I'll do it.

( although Tam's notion about terminal corrective phrenology has merit )

dave said...

He says he's afraid he'll suffer because his size will keep the anesthetic from working.

Simple solution: double the dose.

Shane said...

I used to have an Estwing rock hammer next to the front seat in my old (then new) '78 Honda Civic. The Honda's gone but I still have the Estwing.
One day it was pouring when I saw a hitchhiker on the freeway onramp so I stopped to pick him up. He threw his pack in the back and spotted the hammer. He then asked to be let off at the next exit, saying that a friend was picking him up. That exit was an offramp to nowhere with the nearest services five miles back where I'd picked him up. I think I scared him a little.