Can we veer from our usual topics here at VFTP and chat about toilet paper for a minute? Of course we can; this is my blog, and I say so.
Anyhow, I freely admit to being something of a toilet paper snob. I don't mean to be throwing brand names around, but my toilet paper dollar has been spent on Charmin and nothing but Charmin for about as long as I've been purchasing my own TP.
Specifically, I am a loyal devotee of the Cadillac of Bathroom Tissue: Charmin Plus, With Aloe. Once you have used this queen of bog papers, never again will you want to subject your delicate netherparts to the indignities of the 320-grit tracing paper foisted on the herd by public restrooms.
Now the Enemy is after my TP. Folks, you can take my light bulbs and I'll grumble, you can make me smoke outside and I'll sulk, but listen to me now and believe me later, little pencil-necked environmentalist man: You had damned well better take my guns before you take my Charmin.
(H/T to David.)