Saturday, August 11, 2007

I'd rather put my own eyes out with rusty nails...

...than go to WallyWorld on a Saturday afternoon. Come to think of it, I'd rather put my own eyes out with rusty nails than go to WallyWorld period.

And yet there I was, playing "nomads of the asphalt prairie" across the Turkey Creek mega shop-o-rama complex, rubbing shoulders with a seething mass of aberrant humanity, all because I needed plastic cement, greeting cards, sodas, and crackers, plus I needed to do some banking. That, and WallyWorld is right across the street from Turkey Creek Wine & Spirits, who seem to be doing better than McScrooge's at getting products from Stone Brewing these days.

Anyway, an observation I made: There came a time in my life when I crossed a certain threshold of age and muscle tone and said to myself "Self, our navel will not be seen in public like this." It was painfully obvious today that not everyone has had that bit of internal dialogue. Further, I didn't know that they even made hip-huggers in that size. With something intended to be sassy printed across the ass, no less. Worse, the letters were in yellow against the blue denim background and before my forebrain could parse what they actually spelled out, the snark crouching in the dark recesses of my skull whispered "Goodyear," causing me to burst out laughing at a rather inopportune moment. I hate it when that happens.

Anyhow, I made it out okay and if I'm lucky, I won't have to drive through Turkey Creek on a weekend again 'til early '08.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah but look at it this way. Next time you walk in front of a mirror you can have the small satisfaction of saying "at least I don't look that bad".

My wife and I used to go to the mall/wallyworld periodically for just such an emotional pickup for the same reason. Now I tend the avoid the place like the plauge.

7.62x54r said...

It couldn't have been any worse than Whitewater today. I used to just close my eyes on the rides, now I want to close them between the rides!

Anonymous said...

Well, you could wait 'til after midnight when the meth whores and their dealers are lurking about. Nothing quite like an 87 pound toothless girl with a 300 pound black man with a cart full of Drano and coffee filters.

GeorgeH said...

Off topic, but you don't post an email addy.

The neatest computer of all time for the discriminating collector.

http://www.datamancer.net/projects/engine/engine.htm

Murphy said...

"Further, I didn't know that they even made hip-huggers in that size."

At a certain size, seems to me that everything is hip huggers.

Or spandex.

Or both.

Homer said...

Once, I had THE idea to make millions: Go into the mirror business, because, quite obviously, almost no homes or hotel rooms in Orlando had one.

Then I discovered the awful truth......

triticale said...

We were in the parking lot of the dollar store across the street from Walter Market, on a weekday yet, and the people getting out of two cars near us were sufficient that I turned to the wee wifey and said "OK, we've done our people watching for the day."

GreatBlueWhale said...

There's one here in Louisville I refuse to patronize. I'm sure that anyone walking through the door loses 30 IQ points to some kind of osmotic drag from the obvious mental vaccum of those around you. I was there once, and I barely got out in time.

comatus said...

And yet, and yet...I've seen the same in Nordstrom's and the Macy's that used to be Marshall Field's. Sure, I'm with you on the WalMart thing (old enough to have been avoiding junk stores since K-Mart was The One) BUT (given the subject, that is a big But) where in hell do you go (did I just answer myself?) to be with well-mannered, attractive people who have the duke of an idea how to comport themselves public-wise? Other than Tamara's porch, that is. I surprised myself a couple of years ago: a visiting German said all Americans were fat,and it hurt my feelings.

DLinNC said...

Excellent post, Tam. Living in eastern NC, I can relate. It really caused me to stop and ponder: does our planet serve as a landfill and dumping ground for other planets? Are Unidentified Flying Objects merely high-tech trash trucks on routine runs. This theory could explain the elusive behavior of aliens.

Anonymous said...

A visit to the sprawl at WallyWorld is an instant boost to the ole' self esteem. I actually *enjoy* watching the dregs of society shop for imported chicom crap.

Makes me feel good that I don't live in a trailer park and find Larry the Cable Guy
to be an enjoyable form of entertainment.

Joseph said...

I just got back a couple of hours ago from WallyWorld...and my roommate indicated "we will never go shopping there again before 1 am!!" I agree..way to many kids running around, screaming, and just being irritating. That's the parent's fault. I also saw a woman (in dirty flip-flops) actually stand on the bottom of a frozen food cooler to reach the top shelf...gross!!

Anonymous said...

Tam, there's probably a million & one gross wallyworld sights to see in Texas too. Gang bangers with wives/girlfriends dolled up with fat hanging out everywhere and gold hooker shoes and sparkles makeup and thongs above the lowrider dresses or shorts. My son is a med evac pilot in TX. Imagine this: Aircraft door 2' wide, stretcher 18" wide and wt capacity 300 lbs. Patient 5' tall, wt 350, width 32". Happens often. Same stuff you see in wallyworld any day of the week.

skywriter said...

At least you were never there with a young child, who when the large woman in those size 22 hip huggers had her cell phone start a beeping ring tone, the child pipes up (very loudly) "Look out Aunt Linda . she's backing up!"

Tam said...

I would have just completely lost it.

Desertrat said...

Thanks, skywriter...

Hey, don't knock Larry the Cable Guy. What could be more appropriate than his line, "She could jump up in the air and get stuck!"?

But for those who knock Wally's products: Where do you go to NOT buy stuff made in China?

Art

Anonymous said...

Going to Wal-Mart to help one feel good about oneself is a new one for me. I guess it helps to feel superior when one views all simple folk, goyim, and lumpenproletariat and thinks: I am not one of them.

Wal-Mart encourages those folk to shop there. People with low self-esteem will go where they are treated with contempt. And Wally World is the master of having contempt for their customers, and yet, getting them to return for more abuse.

I don't have enough space or patience to write all the reasons I hate Wal-Mart. I will say that we have just returned from an hour in our local WM and I will be grumpy for hours.

BRB

Anonymous said...

"People with low self-esteem will go where they are treated with contempt."


Oh good god...it certainly doesn't have anything to do with lower prices. Nope. It's psychological.

What the hell is it with the internet that makes everyone think they've got a phd in psychology and have an IQ 30 points higher than it actually is?

"I will say that we have just returned from an hour in our local WM and I will be grumpy for hours."

Hours? Then you either have a great life if that's all you've got to be grumpy about, or you have absolutely no life what so ever.

Tam said...

Anon 1:52,

"Hours? Then you either have a great life if that's all you've got to be grumpy about, or you have absolutely no life what so ever."

Unless you're taking a break from the pool party to dash off a quick comment, being here in my comments section on a pretty Sunday afternoon makes your social life a little questionable as well.

Me? Of course I'm a geek with no life. I have a damn blog for gawd's sake.

jeff said...

"being here in my comments section on a pretty Sunday afternoon makes your social life a little questionable as well."

Hung over and tired from Friday and Sat night, 101 here now. I am not leaving my couch today.

"People with low self-esteem will go where they are treated with contempt."

ok, whatever. I would agree it's more the price. I generally am a Target person, but I will get some things from Walmart when necessary. I just hate crowds and Walmart is always crowded. I have never felt I was treated with contempt though.
Yeah, the dregs of society are into saving money, same as the rest of us. Big leap to lump everyone in the same group.

Dr. Ellen said...

I keep expecting the word "sheeple" to come marching across the screen. The aura of moral/fiscal superiority here is astounding.

Tam said...

It isn't easy being a natural aristocrat, but I try to bear up.

Anonymous said...

I was at Wal-Mart this time, and this lady fell down and broke her arm, and gravy came out.

Oh, and they have 180gr .30-06 on permanent discount.

M. Simon said...

I was never treated with contempt.

Indifference was more like it.

Diamondback said...

Desertrat,
It's not that hard to shop USA. Google "made in the USA" to start. People think it's hard to avoid "made in China" because they never try! I've been doing it for years.

Anonymous said...

comatus said... "where...do you go to be with well-mannered, attractive people who have the duke of an idea how to comport themselves public-wise?"

I live in Chicago. I'm always amazed by how people seem to swell the further I get from downtown.

Urban environments are made for walking...it really cuts down on the extra pounds.

...and I think Chicagoans are realatively well mannered too!

Anonymous said...

"Unless you're taking a break from the pool party to dash off a quick comment, being here in my comments section on a pretty Sunday afternoon makes your social life a little questionable as well."

Well, considering I went to bed right before five in the morning and had just gotten up...

"Me? Of course I'm a geek with no life. I have a damn blog for gawd's sake."

I can't throw too big of a rock. I just hooked the Playstation back up and uttered the words, "Damn, Soul Reaver was a pretty cool game."

comatus said...

diamondback, I'm enjoying your fantasy world with you. You've given up on dress shirts and underwear, I'm figuring, and you must be as tired as I am from jogging in Allen Edmonds. You hunt in Filsons (but watch that tag--they're not all from Seattle anymore), wrestle H-D's, in Langlitz and Wescos of course, and why haven't I bumped into you at a Studebaker Drivers Club meeting? Good on ya, but you sound like me 30 years ago. Did you build your own laptop?

Anon in Chi, true that it's the only big city I'll go to on purpose (honest cabbies--wow), but I did mention Marshall Field's, didn't I? When the blimps navigate the Tiffany clerestory, they don't even look up (now there's a John Brunner way to get around to "Sheeple").

2yellowdogs said...

Alas, far too few have learned that (like spandex) hip huggers and crop tops are a priviledge, not a right.

Diamondback said...

Comatus,
Never said I bought exclusively "Made in USA" products. I just avoid the "Made in China" stuff. My 3 laptops were all made in Japan (admittedly older models). Not all electronics are made overseas. Oreck and Bose just to name 2 off the top of my head. As far as my clothing goes, none of it was "made in China" most were made in the US. Sure it's easier to scoff and go down to the local Wally World and buy cheap china made products, but not everything sold there is. When I find something I like that's made in the US, I usually buy 2 or 3 of the same. US made Athletic shoes are probably the hardest to find in stores. New Balance shoes are made in the US and are quite nice! Union Jean Company makes nice casual wear, dress shirts as well as jeans made in the US. Gusset Jeans are made in the US as well. I could go on and on but I'm not going to do all the work for you, sport.

comatus said...

diamondback, I'm an old hand at it. New Balance is a real tragedy: they couldn't find anyone in USA to make molded shoe soles, and had to petition the trade commission to allow "Made in USA" even though only the crafted part is from here. That's what makes you sick. Apparently, when the "eye patch" company closed the last dress shirt plant there was dancing in the streets because no one would be in a piecework "sweat shop" any more. The last "Made in USA" TV I saw (not counting HeathKit) was from a New Jersey plant owned by a Tokyo firm. And the Japanese bought McIntosh, but left it in Binghamton--give them points for good taste, at least...although most of my McIntosh car rig was from Japan, and the innards of my Mc CD player are Philips. Don't even start with Harmon-Kardon.

You want to see a real ChinCom embassy, stop by Cabela's. G.Leonard Herter would have another coronary.

Diamondback said...

According to the insert (as of 2006-2007) provided with New Balance shoes that are 'Made in USA' or 'Made in USA of imported materials':

"We believe most consumers think "Made in USA" means that real manufacturing jobs were provided to U.S. workers in order to make that product. The shoes produced in our U.S. factories are made by U.S. workers using both U.S. and imported materials. Where the level of domestic value is at least 70%, we have labeled the shoe "Made in USA." Where it falls below that level, we have qualified it as containing both domestic and imported materials. This determination is based in part on a survey of consumers conducted by the FTC."

I'm not so concerned about the material's origin as where the major labor is done and who is making the profit off the work. For example, I may import a piece of Italian marble that was cut and polished in Italy but it goes into a piece of furniture that I build using American Hardwood and American labor. It is therefore a "made in USA" product.

Zenith still maintains 1 plant in the US and those products from that 1 plant are made in the USA. The rest are mostly made in Mexico. But there again, my point was originally that there are alternatives to products "made in China" and that there are indeed products still "made in USA" available to those that bother to look. I don't mind buying the odd product "made in Japan" or France, Italy, Mexico or Germany. Hell, Russia would be preferable to China! It's not a perfect world. You can only do what you can do. The alternative is to just give up and not give a damn any more. Too many people in this country have already done that, creating many of the problems we face today. I'm just a drop in the bucket. If others would add their drops, maybe we'd end up with a full bucket. I'm going to step off the apple crate now.