Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Oh really? How nice!

A friend called recently to let me know that they were about to be published in dead tree format. "Oh really? Now nice!" I replied, and then was forced to share this joke:

Two Atlanta matrons are sitting in an airliner on the Hartsfield tarmac, bound for a holiday season junket to London. One looks at the other and says "Did you know, my Edward bought me this trip for Christmas. Paid for the whole thing."

The second woman looked at her and replied "Why, how nice! How very, very nice!"

"And do you know what else he got me for Christmas?" continued the first, waving a digit sporting an enormous rock around "This beautiful diamond ring!"

"Why, how nice! How very, very nice!" said her seatmate.

"To top it all off, he gave me this grand fur coat, to keep the awful English chill away," finished the first lady, beaming smugly as she patted the luxurious mink.

Dutifully, the second responded with "Why, how nice! How very, very nice!"

"And what did your husband give you for Christmas?"

"Oh," was the airy response "Just a book on etiquette."

"A book on etiquette? Whatever good is that?"

"Well," said the long-suffering woman with an air of great patience, "It taught me to say 'How nice! How very, very nice!' instead of 'F&*$ you.'"

9 comments:

Todd said...

Bless your precious little heart!!!

Dr. StrangeGun said...

"Bless her/his heart"

I always felt a little snicker at this expression. See, we who are unix geeks know that MacOSX had the "bless" command, which prepared a volume or drive for use as a boot volume.

"Bless her/his heart" therefore means "I'm getting ready to kick you in the chest". Boot to the head :)

triticale said...

My mother associated with a very material crowd, despite them all being Lefties. She had great fun one winter showing off the fur jacket we bought for her and not mentioning that we got it from the Salvation Army warehouse for $15.00

Anonymous said...

A oldie but goodie.

Mike

Ben said...

Yes, that's an old favorite.

Also much like the unofficial motto of class #772 at TLETA. (Tennessee Law Enforcement Training Academy for the unenlightened) "That's Nice" printed right on the back of the class T shirts. Same meaning.

"I pay your salary!"
"You should go stop some real crime instead of citing me for running that stop sign!"
"I'm going to sue you and your whole department!"
"You should let me off because my brother is some damn important titled county official!"
"But you can't arrest me! That pound of crack you found in my passenger seat isn't mine!"
ETC ETC ETC

And the response is always "That's Nice."

triticale said...

"But you can't arrest me! That pound of crack you found in my passenger seat isn't mine!"

No problem. Identify and testify against its true owner.

Ben said...

Well, you know what I mean, a little "That's Nice"/ FU you're not getting out of this to Mr. Crack. What the suits do with him then is up to them.

Len Blaine always told the "That's Nice" story better than I can. He came out of class 772 and worked as a LEO for a few years, primarily in Oak Ridge. He passed away prematurely two summers ago not because of the job but of leukemia. He was one of the good guys.

Anonymous said...

Would that be the Blue Press?

Tam said...

Heh. I didn't want to be the one to leak.