Tuesday, February 21, 2017

The Place Where Great Britain Used To Be.

First came the news of the successful British gun amnesty, which resulted in numerous deadly weapons of mass ballistic destruction turned in to the plod, all to make the streets and lanes of the scepter'd isle safer.

Lambeth Police reported the recovery of numerous junk guns, black powder relics of dubious functionality, and cap guns designed to resemble Colt Peacemakers.

Next came the addition of knife amnesty bins, where felons could turn from a life of crime by dropping their deadly weapon of steely, stabby, slice-y mass destruction into a handy container at the local Bobby Shop, no questions asked.

Cleveland Police (from the county in the northeast of England, not the "We're Not Detroit!" city in the northeast of Ohio) report many scissors, meat forks, cleavers, and bread knives being turned in, to the relief of entrees and appetizers across the county.

What's next? Well, we here at View From The Porch would like to tantalize you with the junk-on-the-bunk display from the latest campaign to Make Britain Safe Again:

Note that some of those splinter-y, hitty weapons of mass destruction show signs of attempts to sharpen them!

As part of the continuing safety campaign, police will be offering free classes to citizens on how to assume a supine position, curl their limbs inoffensively, and urinate on themselves in a placating fashion.