Friday, February 22, 2008

Drive me crazy.

There are two stop signs visible from the front porch of the new Batcave. In the last 48 hours I have discovered that all that bologna you Yankees have been feeding me about your 1337 snow-driving skillz is just propaganda.

27 comments:

Jeff said...

If ya ain't skidd'n' when ya stop, ya wasn't goin' fast enuf.

The snow's great though, isn't it?
That stuff we had the other day was all light and fluffy and covered all the tree branches, plus you could almost just look at it and make it fall off the car. One or two inches at a time lets DOT get it taken care of and you can pretty much ignore shoveling.

Anonymous said...

Two observations on winter driving; First, most (92%) of American drivers going into a skid will say “Oh, Shit !”. Here in western and central New York we say “Hold my beer and WATCH THIS !”

Second, I have noticed a direct correlation between snowflakes and the number of active brain cells. As the former begins to fall, so does the later. (Sigh)

David said...

Heh. Here in Kalifornia, we already have the "California Stop," in which you just keep rollin' through the stop sign -- so ice wouldn't make much of a difference except to make the crashes more amusing to watch.

jon spencer said...

A good reminder is if your ABS kicks in you were going too fast.
In my experience one must have snow on the ground for at least one hundred days each winter to even stay in practice for icy road driving.
Even then you get used to having the intersections salted and sanded.
One good thing about lots of snow, when the banks are high you go boof instead of bonk.

Noah D said...

Primary thing to remember about Hoosier drivers:

Something falls from the sky, and they lose their frickin' minds.

Also, there's the general belief that '4WD' = 'infinite traction'.

BobG said...

Biggest problem here in Utah is all the people from California and Mexico; they have no idea what ice and snow on a road means.

Mark Alger said...

It's probably truer than you realize.

YOUR readers are a cut above, of course. WE can all drive like the Ice Road Truckers on any surface.

It's the rest of them idiots.

M

Anonymous said...

don't know about the skeleton crew of indianers that stay up there this time of year, but all their cuetips are down here right now, and all that snowdrivin' experience must have conditioned them to drive 20mph and keep their foot on the frickin' brake ALL THE FRICKIN' TIME! IT'S 83 DEGREES AND THE SPEED LIMIT IS 60 AND THAT'S A DAMN TURN LANE! USE IT! sorry, i've been trying to transfer my road rage to the keyboard...jtc

Old Grouch said...

I blame...
(les'see: gimme a minute)

ILLEGAL ALIENS! Yeah, that's it.

(And the happy folks on their way home from the brewpub.)


Turing word: "glggmhzr" Just cause it's amusing.

rick o'shea said...

A little discovery when I was young(er):
A car on a flat stretch of icy road will not act like a kid in socks on the kitchen floor and slide in a really cool straight line...

Oh, no.

It will instead lock into a spin, bounce off the guardrail and whirl to a stop facing backwards in the opposite lane.

I live in Georgia now...

(word verification: "jhxbvj" - similar t what I said at the time).

David said...

bobg, we Californians do know what ice and snow on the road means... it means GO FASTER! To, you know, get through it more quickly.

Rob K said...

How do you know it's not on purpose? You may be seeing the phenomenon known as the "Hoosier pause". Don't forget that lots of people living here are not natives, especially in and around Indy. Get outside of Indy and the average driving quality improves (not counting on I65 or I70).

TheSev said...

Unfortunately, the knowledge of what the 2 and 1 mean on the shift indicator has been lost.

This used to be taught in Driver's Ed.

It's most effective in snow.

Wayne said...

Being a resident of Indy but not from here (grew up in Michigan) I can say that folks from around here seem to think the road conditions are terrible if they can't drive ten miles over the speed limit. And when conditions are terrible they drive. . .ten miles over the speed limit.

Words Twice said...

Every year it's the same, they act as if it's the first time they have ever seen snow.

Gewehr98 said...

I think y'all are missing Tam's point. They're crappy drivers because they're Yankees, don'tcha know? IOW, if you ain't sired by or related to either Junior Johnson or Richard Petty, y'all can't drive worth sour owl poop. True snark requires hanging a stars and bars front license plate on that BMW while tooling around in Indianapolis, btw.

Think along the lines of the Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker segment of the Kentucky Fried Movie...

Rob K said...

It would only be slightly out of place to see the stars and bars on a BMW here in Indiana. On anything else, nobody would notice, especially south of US-40.

OA said...

Ten bucks says Gewehr98 thinks the Stars and Bars is the battle flag and couldn't pick it out of a lineup to save his life.

Another ten says he looks it up on Google, then reports new knowledge here as something he's always known.

Tam said...

Gewehr98,

"I think y'all are missing Tam's point."


Somebody's missing my point, alright.

My point was, for those constantly looking for hidden meanings in any post referencing the words "Yankee" or "F-body", that there was an awful lot of slipping and sliding up here, just like anyplace else where the roads are slick and idiots have driver's licenses.

The controlling variable for whether one can drive in the snow is not whether one is Nanook of the North or Billy Ray Lee, or what one has in the way of front license plates on one's ride, but whether one is paying attention to how the tires are interacting with the pavement and reacting accordingly.

I swear to Christ, I sometimes think I could write a one-word post and you could find an insulting subtext in it...

DirtCrashr said...

Is the view any good from there if all you see are a couple stop-signs?
Wyoming is where you want to be.

Anonymous said...

First, Tam, I'm glad you made it to Indy safe. I'll wave as we go by in early April.
About winter driving: Spent 6 years, high school and college, parking cars for a restaurant in NJ. Ice. '60s Chryslers were the most fun: point it straight, hit and lock the wheels as you spin the steering wheel, and take your foot off the brake!
Both my wife's car and my SUV have 4WD, and we both know they don't stop any shorter, even with the top-line snow tires I keep on all 8wheels. Tam, get a separate set of wheels for the BMW and spend some money on snow tires. Then stay home when it snows! OldeForce
[pjacfxxm]

ditto said...

I swear to Christ, I sometimes think I could write a one-word post and you could find an insulting subtext in it...

And just what exactly do you mean by that?

Billy Beck said...

"A good reminder is if your ABS kicks in you were going too fast."

Rubbish. ABS always gives up long before I would have.

Anyway, up here around Daisy Hollow, we keep score. I was the second to last one this year to crash on Brian's mountain. Brian won: he was the last one.

It takes a sporting attitude up here.

Ross said...

You guys get snow as far south as Indiana? Who knew? ;-)

35 miles west of Boston, I just took 6" of snow off the driveway last night, and it looks like there's another 4" or 5" waiting for me this morning to fire up the tractor.

BTW, on the way home from work last night (on a snow-covered interstate) and on my way back from getting Chinese for dinner, I think my ABS fired up maybe twice... if that.

I still say that you're using that word wrong, Tam - y'know, the "Y" word? "Yankee"? Come on up to New England if you want some REAL snow.

phlegmfatale said...

Watching the intersection sounds mighty entertaining. Further, once the locals start noticing they have such a lovely and esteemed audience, I'm predicting they're going to come down with a staggering case of performance anxiety.

Ahab said...

You're in Broad Ripple now, no one knows how to fucking drive down there.

You don't see "1337" snow skills until you're out in the country with the farmers.

Kristopher said...

And here for your viewing pleasure, Portlanders last winter discovering that horsepower cannot substitute for traction, even if you have magic four wheel drive.

http://tinyurl.com/2ah2pf