Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Big Sister is watching...

This Google Analytics thing is the shizznit. It's got more graphs than a Congressional subcommittee hearing and more buttons than a waiter at TGI Friday's. I even know what some of them do.

According to this, you are probably an American (and living in Texas), using a cable connection and Internet Explorer, on a machine running WinXP with a screen resolution of 1024x768. You're most likely a white male between the ages of 35 and 45, make $40k-$80k/yr, and could stand to lose a few pounds, or so your doctor says. You're a Capricorn, and you forgot to take the trash out last night. Yes, that was the garbage truck that just went by. Too late.

How does Google know all this stuff? Beats me. I'd wonder more about why webcams and microphones have become such popular PC peripherals lately, though.


Anonymous said...

Jeez, Tam:

A: For your information, Miss Prissy Pants, even though I went to sleep at 0230 last night, I got up at 0730 this AM to run the trash out before the truck could pass me by... uh, right now.

B: And I'm not a Capricorn.

C: And I could sign in as Me if Google wasn't on the fritz for me the last few hours, which seems frightening-- No Google is like no morning sunrise. I was a Google fan from 'wayyyy back, but lately, I'm beginning to wonder if the Web doesn't need to diversify a little bit more.

Anonymous said...

D: (Uh, the rest of that crap was spot-on. But as for the coupla extra pounds: I'm workin' onnit!)


breda said...

The other day, a Google desktop thingy just appeared. There's a searchbox, local weather, a clock, and photos from my harddrive...

We had a discussion: "Did you put this on the computer?"

"No, I thought you did"

We're still perplexed, and a little creeped out.

Alan said...

The male in Texas part is correct, everything else is wrong.

I use a Mac. And it's Monkey's job to take out the trash.

SayUncle said...

As I've told you before, you're missing a lot of good info in your stat package because your code isn't in your comments section. you can switch to inline comments and fix that.


BTW, today's word verification is: lglmqwkd

Anonymous said...

Wow...the garbage truck literally just drove by.

That's scary.

Although I didn't "forget" to take it out...the can wasn't even half full so I just didn't bother.

I wonder if I'll get a refund on my utility bill this month?

El Capitan said...

I'm a Leo, and trash day is Friday, otherwise everything is spot-on.

Rabbit said...

Wasn't me. I use W2K, I'm of a wholly acceptable weight, and I'm a Virgo.
Besides, I wasn't online last night.


Anonymous said...

Correct: American, WinXP @ 1024x768, white male, $40k-$80k, doctor sz nd to lose weight.
Wrong: not in Texas, dial up (this week), FireFox, not 35-45, not a capricorn, son takes trash out when I remind him, trash day is thursday.
If you split the difference on the dial up/broadband part, it's pretty much a tie.

X_LA_Native said...

I'm in Texas, female, and Aries. And a redheaded one, so I got that going for me.

The Taller Half handles the trash bits.

staghounds said...

Ha, I defy all but two.

I should get that thing, it would be interesting to see it make its calculations from a sample of six..

Dr. StrangeGun said...

At the time of my first reading, the only things correct are American white male, salary, and I could stand to lay off the chips and beer.

Only when I get home do you get to add cable and IE to that; I have vista boxen cranked up to 1280x1024.

And I'm a Libra. Nyah :p (translation: I sneer at your attempts at compartmentalization! You cannot pigeonhole the Dr. Strangegun!)

Anonymous said...

totally wrong. Washington here, on a Mac, using Firefox, on a 1680x1050 display.

J.R.Shirley said...

Hm. Well, at least the WM, age, and astro sign are on...Well, I could lose 10-15 lbs, too.

Anonymous said...


Male Leo, wrong side of 45, and the garbage chute down the apartment hallway is open 24/7.

Lost 35 pounds in last 2 years,could still lose another 10.

Oh-and a Cnadian too, which I share with a whole 3% of your devoted readers.

Ace said...

Gemini. Brown-skinned islander. Kalifornistan (unfortunately). Firefox.

And I already took the garbage out.

Anonymous said...

Canadian on Ubuntu-Firefox.Got the Capricorn right.


jeff said...

AZ, firefox, 2048x768, <35, Scorpio. Everything else is close enough. But trash comes twice a week, so no worries.

Anonymous said...

mozilla, fishes, trash is resp of senior male descendant, I was asleep, computer was on 8-)

TX, correct
age, correct

weight not,


Anonymous said...

Google is close but they are too skewed by non-Texas data.

One most of us use at least dual monitor's and 1024x768 is for the birds. At least 1920x1200x2 monitors.

35-45 is reasonable.

XP and DSL (cable is too socialist, DSL means I don't share well)

Texas of course.

WinXP because Vista requires too much new software just to surf the net.

40k to 80k? What a joke. Obviously they must be thinking about our oil bonuses and not our salaries. Goggle blew this one big time.

Yes, overweight and lack of exercise. Heat, humidity and eating out too often causes that.

Trash forgotten? No way. Stuff reeks too bad if you miss it in the heat and humidity.

Webcams and mikes? Yeah they are around, but not used much.

You all should come to Texas and enjoy the time. You all would be welcome here.

Anonymous said...

American > ding!

Texas > bzzzt! Minnesota

Cable > bzzzt! DSL

IE > ding!

WinXP > ding! (Pro)

1024x768 > ding! Dual Monitors.

White Male > ding! (Iron Ranger)

35-45 > bzzzt! 50

$40-$80K > ding! $70+

Lose weight > bzzzt! I have a BowFlex. I crack walnuts in the crook of my arm, you can bounce a dime off my abs and when the new phone books show up I tear the old ones in half with my bare hands.

Capricorn > ding! Year of the dog.

Forget Trash > bzzzt! Always on schedule, like me. I have to be. Single dad, two teenagers, one of each flavor. Both are expert shots and have firearms safety certification because their dad is an instructor in his spare time, which is very little.