Check the index; I'll bet it has an "Ancient Superstitious B.S." section. Probably right next to the comics and Dear Abby. Find it yet? In yesterday's Indy Star it was on page E3: The Horoscope.
Oddly, the newspaper no longer pays money for someone to read a sheep's liver every day, nor do they devote column inches to the shapes of flocks of birds or the number of two-headed calves born in the state, and we would rightfully laugh in their faces if they did, yet for some reason it makes perfect sense to print a quickie advice column for the gullible based on the position of certain heavenly bodies when they were born.
Some folks try to tart it up in scientific trappings; an attempt to draw a veil of respectability over something that is really naught but a vestige of primitive beliefs in auguries and auspices. "It's gravity!" they say "The planets and stars exerted gravitational effects on you when you were born and they do to this day." Try and explain to them that, thanks to the magic of the inverse square law, if they wanted to cast their horoscope for the day then they should be charting the exact position of their mom, the table, and the attending physician that delivered them and not the planet Jupiter, and you get a blank stare.
The horoscopes themselves have to be read to be believed. Let's check mine in the Star from yesterday:
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Ask for the terms of a pending financial agreement in writing.Well. Good advice, no? All you Geminis and Capricorns can forget about the contracts; y'all just go on a handshake. Me, I need to get stuff in writing. I have to wonder, though, if that's just for yesterday. Do I need to have stuff written down today, too? What about next week? Everybody else's horoscope for the day is equally vague or else just plain good sense.
At the top of the column, in tiny print, it says "This column is for entertainment only" which is good, because I can't see it being useful for much else except taking up space that could be used for ads or editorial content or lining cat boxes. I'll tell you this, though: Watch what happens if they cut that "entertainment" column; imagine the howls of protest when Edna can't find out if "Haste makes waste in affairs of the heart," or George doesn't know if he should "Find more effective ways to communicate with your boss." And we let these people vote. Hell, sometimes we elect them President and give them the keys to the bombs. Kinda makes you stop and think for a moment, doesn't it?
Anyhow, that's my spin on astrology.
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